I Am Woman

Hear me Roar!!!!!!!!!!

I am very excited that in about two hours my new bedroom set is being delivered. I think that this is the very first brand new complete bedroom set that I have ever had. (Mom and dad, if that is not an accurate account of my wonderful childhood, I do apologize.)

Anyway… because it is being delivered today, I had to clear out my bedroom last night to make room. I busted out my tool set and took down the bed, then moved it all by myself to the living room. Then I moved my extremely heavy dresser, only after moving the extremely heavy TV off of it.

There were a few times when I was trying to get the screws out of the bed post that I was getting pissed and wanted to run to my phone and call the first male in the list… but nope! I handled my business.

Nothing is gonna stand in my way!!!

Easily Distracted

As I pointed out in my post yesterday, the walls at my office are paper thin. Most of the time it is not really a problem and I can stay focused... I don't know if it is because it is close to the holidays or what, but today I just couldn't stay focused. Every other conversation that was going on was totally distracting me.

It was about lunch time and since I happen to be out of groceries and didn't pack a lunch, I decided to go to this little Chinease place close by to sit and read through some work stuff. The lady sat me in a seat at the very back with only one table of people nearby. My plan was going to work, I thought! Nope, not so fast... I had just started reading the first document when I heard "He is a bipoloar meth addict"... Easily distracted or not, if you hear something like that, you are going to listen, right?!?! So, for about the next hour, I ate my hot and sour soup while listening to the most sordid family drama I have ever heard. Meth addicts, divorces, under acheiving sons that have exhausted their ability to borrow money... it was good!

I flipped the pages of my document, so as not to be too obvious... but very little work got accomplished.

Mad As a Hornet

Generally speaking, I don't really get in bad moods a lot. I get incredibly annoyed by really stupid things like eating noises, drinking noises, breathing heavy, smells, sneezing/coughing, etc... (I am not painting a very good picture of myself, it seems...) But, I just get annoyed by those things, I don't just walk around in a bad mood.

Today, though, I am just in a bad mood. Everything is making me want to pull my hair out. The fact that my office walls are paper thin and I can hear everything that is going on, I spilled coffee on my white shirt, I can't focus on anything, no body has called about my bed and dresser ad that I put on Craiglist, the weather is supposed to be shitty this weekend and that is going to screw up my holiday travel plans... UUUggghhhh....

It is a good thing I don't have any weird drug and/or alcohol additions... because today I would relapse.

And, really, for no reason at all. I need to just pull it together!

It's A Rental!

So, last Friday night was our work holiday party. This is the party that I had to buy a new, identical to all of my others, cocktail dress. Well, I ended up finding a great dress at White House/Black Market... the dress was way to expensive, as are pretty much all clothes at that store, but it was perfect for the night... so I splurged.

While at the restaurant for some reason, I lifted my leg up onto a chair. I think I did this to show a lady my pedicure, because she just showed me hers. In any case, when I lifted up my leg, I heard the dress rip just a little in the back where the little slit was. I really didn't think much of it. I do want to also say that I was careful to not show my vajayjay at the time of lifting the leg... just in case you wandered.

Anyway, back to the story, as the night progressed with getting into and out of the limo and lots and lots of dancing... my little rip continued to unravel. By the time I got home it wasn't a rip at all, the entire back seam of the dress had unraveled. If I had taken down the zipper of the dress the only thing connecting the back would just be the zipper thing. The seam was entirely disconnected and I must say that my ass was entirely exposed. Thankfully this didn't happen all at one time, just little by little... so it didn't slow down my night at all... (It probably should have because as I said, by the time I got home I was completely exposed... but whatev).

In light of this wardrobe malfunction I called the store yesterday and they said I could exchange the dress. But, when I took the dress back I asked if I could just have my money back... after all, I didn't want to chance getting the same dress and having the seam unravel again, right!?!? She said that was fine! So, I got to wear a great dress to a party and then take it back for a full refund. Because the seam issue didn't slow me down at all, I still had a great time, and because of my unnecessary requirement to buy a new dress for every event anyway...this turned out to be the perfect situation!!!

A Life Lesson

I was reading a friend’s Myspace page and she posted a blog about funny things that involve her and her family members. She said something about how she used to sing into a recorder and listen to her voice and then delete it…

This made me think of something funny, but something that I actually think about quite often.

When I was like 8 or 9 years old... maybe a little older but not much, we had this mail lady named Rosie. I thought she was so cool. I have no idea why. Anyway, I wanted to give her something really cool. So, I spent hours (This is my memory, so it could have actually been about 20 minutes or so) recording myself singing church songs into a cassette tape for her. I then packaged the tape with a note in a big envelope so I could draw a really pretty picture on the front. Also on the front of the envelope I put, “To My Freind Rosie”. I was just about to take it out to the mailbox for her to find when out of no where, my older brother confiscated the package. I don’t think I would tell him what it was, it was really none of his business… but I wasn’t able to get away that easily. He made a big deal about how I spelled “Friend” wrong. He explained that Rosie wasn’t my Free-end, she was my friend. And that I was a retard.

So, it was funny to hear that someone else recorded themselves on tape like me (even though I sent mine out into the world, while she was smart enough to erase)… but thanks to that memory, I will never ever spell the word “Friend” wrong again.

An Explanation

As my sister would say… “Nothing that is beautiful is ever perfect.” This rings true with my lovely little blog. I happen to be not only the author of this page, but also the editor. And, as you all know, sometime when you type something you can read it over and over again, but you need a fresh pair of eyes to catch stupid mistakes.

So, when I misuse certain words like: there, their, and they’re or aloud instead of allowed… I do apologize and I can assure you… I know the proper meaning and spelling of said words… I just sometimes get in a hurry.

In short… Suck it!

Haha.

Winter Wonderland, My Ass.

Last night Des Moines was under a winter weather warning for an ice storm. I was stressing at the gym, hoping that I made it home before everything started happening. Luckily, I did and even went to bed with the slight hope that maybe it wouldn’t happen. Not so much! At around 3:00 AM the ice hitting my bedroom window woke me up… so I knew that I was screwed for the drive to work. See previous “Grandma” post.

Sure enough, I turned on the news when I woke up and it was ugly. While I was getting ready for work, I was daydreaming about all the things I would do if my boss called and told me that the roads were too bad to come in. I was planning on having my coffee and finishing a book I need to be done with, watching daytime TV that I never get to watch, and cleaning out my closet. That would have been such a great day.

Unfortunately, because I am an adult now, there was no snow day… So, after a sketchy drive to work, I planted my wet ass at my desk to begin my day.

The wet ass resulted from ice that, of course, fell onto my driver’s seat when I opened the door to my car…

The Perfect One

My friend and I are going shopping tonight after work for cocktail dresses to wear to our work Christmas Party. Each year I wear the same thing... a black dress. Yet, each year I have to spend money on a new one that I will probably wear just once (because I have to buy new for every single event I go to) and that looks pretty much just like the one I wore the year before... but for some reason in my mind is totally different and absolutely necessary!

Grandma

You know those people that are so horrible at driving in snow that they potentially cause more accidents by how cautious they are??? Unfortunately, that person is me. My hands are firmly at 10 and 2, my seat belt is securely fastened, if someone is driving with me my "Mom Arm" is placed directly in front of them, and my speedometer never goes above about 35 miles per hour. I drove back to my office after a meeting yesterday and I literally had to sit at my desk and regroup after I got back... to destress from the trip.

The funny part about this is that it is directly opposite of how I normally drive. I am such an aggressive, ass riding, speeder in clear conditions. When someone gets in front of me and is going less than 5 to 10 miles above the posted speed limit, I get pissed!

I guess I will just have to accept that I am a dorky grandma driver during this time. I apologize in advance for those of you who have the misfortune of encountering me on a roadway.

I am soooo much more sandals, sundresses, and speeding then cold weather, big coats, and driving for conditions. ;(

Shout out to the Llama

It’s interesting the little things that you do or hear throughout your life… things that seemingly go in one ear and out the other, stick with you.

For instance, my mom would never let us buy corduroys. I think she shrunk a pair at some point and time. But, now, I won’t even consider buying a pair. I have actually been shopping with friends and caught myself saying, “I am not allowed to buy cords.”!

I thought about this last night when I was carrying in groceries. It was flipping cold outside and I was still wearing my shorts from the gym. As I am standing at my trunk loading as many bags on my arms as possible, while already carrying my purse and gym back… I heard my mom tell me that I was taking the “Lazy Man’s Load” and that if I dropped everything I was the only one to blame.

Luckily, I was able to make it… but now without some extreme flexibility when trying to unlock and open doors.

Thanks for being in my head mom!

A Pub Crawl Picture Share!

Santa's Ho Ho Ho's!

April, Lindsay, Charlie

Weekend Report

Well... I am happy to report, albeit very late, that I did make it back to Des Moines not only in one piece... but also for the Pub Crawl. It was so much fun! I will be posting a few pictures soon.

The flights were sketchy (by sketchy, I mean two planes slid off the runway in Des Moines, so they had to shut the entire airport down), but we ended up only having about an hour delay in Denver. So, we all loaded on, it was a completely packed flight because of all the people that got bumped from earlier flights. I was in the second to the last row and had the moment that we have all had on a plane... praying to God as people walk in... please let him sit by me or oh for the love of God, not him.... guess what I freaking got. Yep, the "not him" one. You know who he is... big, fat, bad breath, hacking guy!

He entered my row with a loud and proud, "I'M YOUR NEIGHBOR, I GUESS!!". Yippee! Lucky freaking me. Three hours and hundreds of pointless (and smelly thanks to his atrocious halitosis) comments later, I was home.

Thank God!

Beware of Icy Conditions!

I just happened to look out my office window just now and noticed that my car had rolled out into the center of the parking lot! The parking area is a complete sheet of ice... Thank goodness I noticed it when I did and it wasn't still rolling. It would have been a hell of a site... me in my high heeled hooker boots chasing down a Nissan on ice!

Leavin' on a jet plane...

Well, I am headed to Los Angeles tomorrow for work. I have never been to California, so I am pretty excited. And, of course excited that since I am flying I will have plenty of time to read a good book too, which is my favorite part of traveling!!!

The problem is that I have a very important Santa Pub Crawl to go to on Saturday night and my flight doesn't get in until 3:00. So... here are the potential issues: fires in Southern California which are now potentially worse due to Santa Ana winds, snow in Des Moines, and my layover in Denver is only like 30 minutes which means any delays out of California and I am screwed... Not to mention, I will probably run into my good friend Lauren Conrad from the Hills while I am there and they will want me to be part of their reality show and then who knows where that will lead!! Ok, so maybe the last one isn't truly a potential issue... but whatev!

Wish me luck... I have a totally cute Santa's Ho Ho Ho costume that will for sure go to waste if this doesn't work out!!!

Game Night.

Des Moines is the proud new home of the ENERGY! This NBA Development league is the newest addition of things to do around Des Moines. I went to the opening game on Monday night. It was pretty fun… but apparently the referees are also trying to get brought up into the NBA as well as the players and they were calling everything! Seriously the whistle was being blown like every five seconds. It was a close game though, especially at the end, so it was pretty exciting.

So, they had the standard group of cheerleaders called “High Voltage”. I was not trying to be a hater, but even the guys that I was with were commenting on the fact that the majority of the girls should not be wearing spandex. I have been watching the CMT show about making the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleading squad and I see the rigorous training sessions these girls go to and how they are constantly getting their body fat checked and what not… this was the exact opposite. But I digress, because I am kind of becoming catty now.

Anyway, so the chubbabubbas did their dance and it was fine, the game continued. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see a group of 50, 60, and 70 year old women and jokingly I said that they were the half time show. Much to my pleasant surprise and amusement, the halftime dancers the “Spark Plugs” were announced!!! These old ladies started busting a move to MC Hammer like they were 19!!!!! I loved it. They were terrible and incredible all at the same time! It was so funny and definitely made the game worth going to.

While I am thinking about it,

and I have had at least "A Few"... Can anyone tell me what the plastic thing is that comes in Guinness Bottles?

In honor of...

Due to the Thanksgiving Holiday and families being together... I am going to have a few guest commentators!!!!

In this post, I am going to type, word for word, exactly what is dictated to me by my family standing near by. This is a huge risk for me....

Tina (mom) says: "I am so glad you are home... It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without our Charlie girl."

Chelsea (Sister) says: "Oh, cause Charlie's the favorite..."

Jenna (Cousin) says: "I hate Limewire, I hate Java, I hate this freaking computer... it is pissing me off..."

Tina (mom) interjected at this point and pointed out that comments should pertain to "Her Majesty"... That's me!

To which Jenna replies, "I love Juicy Juice." I have no idea where that came from.

Lisa (Gorgeous Aunt) says at this point: "That's all I have to say about that."




I think we can all agree that this is the first and last installment of guest commentators... They are clearly not funny and have nothing interesting to say!

Weekend Fun

We had a Tippy Cup competition this weekend at a totally fun hole in the wall (by hole in the wall, I really mean hole in the floor... as in actual holes in the bathroom floor) bar in Des Moines. I pretty much dominated!!!

Random Thought Thursday

If you think about it, there are kind of a lot of fugly celebutards out there.

Apartment Woes_Updated!

I am very particular about everything in my apartment. Also, I am very routine. So, when I came home and my shower curtain was open, I was surprised that I had been that careless and didn't remember to shut it. But, when I found nasty drain stuff in my garbage... I knew those bastards had been in my apartment, and they didn't even leave a work order or note on my table.

So, I called the office the next day and let them know that I didn't appreciate someone being in the apartment without leaving a note, because seeing things in places that I knew I didn't leave them scared me. Also, I wanted to know if they thought they had fixed the problem, because the shower was still leaking.... She informed me that they had been in the apartment and she was sorry that they forgot to leave a note, but they had to order a part and in order to fix the shower, they are going to have to go through my freaking bedroom wall!!!! First of all, are you freaking serious with this crap!!! Second, good thing I called... otherwise, what, would I have come home to find a whole in my bedroom wall?!? This is going to be like a four step process with mildew treating the apartment, fixing the problem and drywalling, painting, and then cleaning the carpet. In the meantime... I just have to deal with living in what is turning out to be the projects.

It's mine and I can!

Because it is my blog... if I want to get a little mushy and sentimental, I can. Ha!

I have been thinking so much lately about being here in Des Moines and all the new things that are going on in my life with friends, work, etc.... And I am so fortunate. I seriously think that I have the very best friends in the whole world and the most amazing family as well. So, thank you. For all the support you have given me, times you listened, scared the shit out of me by showing up at my slider with dairy queen;), danced with my drunkness when really you wanted go home, changed plans at the last minute to be my winggirls, ate dinner late so you could lift when it was convenient for me, sent me a sassy text that made me smile, gossipped with me on the way to work, made me try something new... even if I strongly protested at the time.... I am so happy because of it.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And now I am done.

Apartment Woes

Seriously, my apartment is pissing me off. I mentioned a while back that when I first moved in the garbage disposal wasn't working and it took forever for them to come out and fix it... They also said when I moved in that they had ordered all new carpet for the walk ways in the buildings, well this new carpet doesn't really seem to exist.

Well, now my shower is leaking. It actually has been leaking for a while, but it was just a little bit of water on the bathroom floor, so not really that big a deal. Now, it seems to be gallons of water onto the bathroom and into my bedroom carpet. So, being the non confrontational, polite person that I am, I wrote the office a note and put it in the drop box with my last rent check. I dropped that off on the 1st. I finally dropped the non confrontation, polite act on Friday (the 9th) and called their bitch asses! Of course everyone was "temporarily unavailable" and I had to leave a message. Saturday morning I was getting ready and noticed that not only was my shower leaking, but my sink in the bathroom is as well. So, it is coming from both sides of the damn room!!

Saturday night I got a call from an unknown number, so I didn't answer it. Of course it was them and by the time I listened to my message and called them back, the office was closed.

So, I called them this morning to ask what the deal was and of course the maintenance guy is out sick today, but they will get it taken care of right away... Already 12 days later. He did stop to ask me what I do on the weekends... like that has any relevance whatsoever to the current conversation. I told him, recently, I have been doing really exciting things like soaking up water off my bathroom floor... Jackass. Fix the damn plumbing!!!!

A Whole New World

Apparently I have had my head up my ass for the two years I have been in Des Moines. There are so many cool places here that I never even knew about. I did a little exploring this past weekend and even tried a new restaurant and I am pretty excited about my renewed interest in the city.

My friend Lisa has mentioned this little bar she and some of the girls she works with go to on occasion. It is a small little towney bar, kind of in the middle of no where. Well in my explorations I happened upon it. I stopped in for a beer and of course became best friends with the bartender... She told me her weekend work schedule and told me I had to come and see her every Saturday at 5. That's not gonna happen... but it was still fun!

A little office interaction...

Please note that the names have been changed to protect the innocent...

Jane entering my office: "Can I use your three whole punch?"

Me being a facetious bitch: "um... no."

Jane: "You're such a whore..." As she walks away with my three whole punch.

List Revision

I was talking with someone about lists last night. Like lists of places you want to go and lists celebs that you find so attractive... After I said who was on my celebrity hot list I realized that my list is horrible!!! The only people I could come up with were Michael Douglas and David Letterman! Michael Douglas is probably pushing his late 60's by this point and I think it is safe to say that Letterman doesn't exactly fit into a "hot" category. I think that I am going to have to sit down and put some thought into revising my list. Luckily, I was able to save face last night with explaining that they are only on my list because I find their mix of intellect and humor very attractive... not because I like to hit up the nursing homes for potentials.

In regards to my travel list, I realized that it is very long and at the present time, I don't see any opportunities to mark things off. So, if you happen to be or to know an editor of a popular travel magazine, I am available to do contract travel writing!!! Full compensation package and all expenses paid for myself and a companion is all that I would require... such a deal!

Close Call

I just about lost my finger to a cigar cutter in a "digging through my purse" accident. You know, because I smoke soooo many cigars, I have to keep a cutter on hand...

Happy to report...

In a drastic turn of events from last year... not only do I not have to beg and plead for the day after Thanksgiving off... Everybody gets it off. So, the vacation day that I was going to use will be used the day before! Five blissful days with the family.

My poor little brother and sister... it sucks for them when I am home, because I am my parents favorite...

No Ho of the Show Here!!

Saturday night the girls and I went to a “Passions” party. To kick the party off they had a “Ho of the Show” contest. The party host asked about 55 questions and for everything you had done, you had to mark a line down on a piece of paper. Kind of like the “I Never” game… only we didn’t get to drink as much. Anyway, she would ask normal questions like “Have you ever worn a thong?” or “Have you ever made out in a church?”… Who hasn’t right?!?! But she also got crazy with her questions… you can call me directly for those examples-this is not an X Rated blog!!

Well, I happy to report that as crazy as my little group of girls get, none of us were the Ho of that show!

I am sure my parents are just as proud as I am at this moment!

In the news this morning...

In light of the possible sexual and physical abuse at Oprah's South African all girls leadership academy, she has purchased cell phones for all of the girls with her direct line programmed in... the girls can contact her directly the second anything happens. Oprah doesn't play around!!! Unfortunately, because the school is in fact in South Africa, there are no cell phone towers near the school. So, the plan is to leave the grounds and catch a mule to the nearest village. If that village doesn't have service (which it won't) they are to write a letter and send it with the next pack out of the village. They get picked up monthly.

This morning the man that survived the steam pipe explosion in New York City appeared on the today show and was interviewed by Matt Lauer. He was accompanied by his attorney, because he of course plans to sue the ever living shit out of said city!!!

*Warning* The following is "Off Color" so if you are easily offended, you should probably stop reading!!

Finally, in December of 2002 Laci Peterson disappeared. Later her body and that of her unborn child were found. Her husband Scott is currently on death row in San Quentin Prison, after being convicted of the crime. Very recently, Stacy Peterson came up missing. The man she is married to happens to have already lost one wife to a "drowning accident" in the bathtub... Of course, he denies having any involvement in his current wife's disappearance.

So, if your name happens to be Macy, Casey, or Pacy Peterson... don't get married. If you do, you are fucked!

Big Time.

So the cocktail waitress from Drink called again just now and asked if we wanted to be VIP again tomorrow.... So weird, so cheap!

Double let down.

When it comes to Halloween, Des Moines is a special place... and by special, I mean dumb. In Des Moines you don't go trick-or-treating on Halloween ( I won't be going at all, because my mom called me this morning to tell me I am not allowed... I am 25, but I digress), you go the night before Halloween and it is called Beggar's night. This is stupid. I think that if there were people out there that had intentions of doing horrible things, they wouldn't probably hear the same news report you did about the name and night change and do it on that night.... But whatever. In any case, last night was Beggar's Night. So I hurried up after work and went to the gym, so I could go to my friends house and hand out candy to all the little snot rockets. Only three flipping people showed up!!! I hurried my ass up for one two year old that had no idea what was going on and two sixteen year old ho-dags that didn't even dress up!!!! Pu-lease!

Then, I knew the night wasn't going to be a total let down because the premiere of Nip/Tuck was on. I went home, put on my fav pink fuzzy robe (I looooove living alone)... and settled in for the what was sure to be a dramatic sitcom masterpiece... Wrong-o. It kind of sucked too. There were some decent parts, but over all... not loving it.

I went to bed feeling disappointed and empty. Ok, not really disappointed and empty... I am smart enough to know that it is a TV show and some stupid tradition that I myself have never even participated it... But, I seriously wasn't happy!

Doesn't this picture make you think.....

That I love parking decks!!!!

My name is Charlie and I am an addict.

For some reason I have been putting on lip gloss like it is my damn job. I used a whole tube in like a week or two and then had to make a late night trip to Victoria Secret's to get more... like I was driving to the ghetto to get some crack from my dealer.

I am surprised people don't get stuck to my face when they walk by me...

Weekend Report!

Friday, as I told you, I was in such a bad mood at work. I went home early and Oprah was about guys with several wives… that made my mood a little better, I never get to watch Oprah and it was something good! Then I got ready and I thanks to it not being humid, I didn’t have total fro hair, so even better still! Then, not only did they have Corona light at the gas station, they also had a lime… so I only had to make one stop!!! What bad mood????

The concert was awesome that night. I know like 10 Rascal Flatts songs and they didn’t sing any of them… but it was still a great time. After the concert we went to Drink and as we were leaving the waitress asked if she could get mine and my friend’s phone number to put us on the VIP list for the Halloween party the next night… so it was shaping up to be a spectacular weekend!!!

The next day I woke up early, feeling great, and it was a beautiful day. I went to the costume store with April to get her costume for the night… Luckily I had one from like three years ago that I hadn’t worn yet, so that saved me at least $50! I went to the gym and then headed home to get ready for the night. While I was getting ready, the cocktail waitress called and confirmed that I was going to be at that bar that night and said that we were for sure VIP, so that meant we drank free all night!!!!! I am not going to lie, that made me feel pretty damn cool! We had so much fun; there were so many funny and creative costumes.

Sunday I relaxed, napped, and watched TV and then met my friend Tammy for a movie. After the movie Tammy, her boyfriend, and I went to a haunted house. They told me that I wasn’t a true Des Moinesian until I had been to Lynn’s Haunted House. It just so happened that Lynn’s Haunted House was the back section of a grocery store in a neighborhood that I probably wouldn’t go to alone… even in the daylight. I was scared alright, and we hadn’t even been through the haunted house! It turned out to be such a good one and the fact that I was really scared for my life being in some dark grocery store in a bad part of down, only made it even better!!! It was a pretty fun adventure and aside from the fact that I walked into a wall trying to get through the dark maze and damn near knocked myself out… it was perfect!

Freakin Friday

This morning my alarm went off at 4:45!!! Thanks to my neighbor’s noisy lovemaking session during the night, I was not happy. I ended up getting up at about 5:15, so I could be in to work at about 6:45… I am going to the Rascal Flatt concert tonight, and I wanted to leave work around 4, so had to bite the bullet and get my butt in here. Now, I am in a crappy, crabby mood.

I tried to make my morning better with a trip to Starbucks (I broke that addiction cold turkey about a month ago…). But that didn’t even seem to help.

The concert should be fun though… Seeing as my concert experience pretty much boils down to Carmen and Amy Grant, I don’t have a whole lot to compare it to.

Hopefully my mood improves, because at this point… I don’t even want to hang out with myself!!!

On a completely random side note-I recently started actually using my myspace account. Most of you know I had a fake one for a while so I could just look at other peoples, but I decided to take the plunge. Anyway, like 90% of my friends are my little brother and sisters friends. It is really cute when they friend request me and I have met them like once. Bunch of little sweeties!

Travel Schmavel…

The good news is I got some good reading time in while I was out of the office. I read “American Gangster”… the new book that the new movie with Denzel is based on. Pretty good! While I was sitting at the airport an older guy walked by and said, “American Gangster, huh?” and gave me a weird look, like I should be reading Mary Poppins instead… whatev.

When I booked my car for the trip, I got a free upgrade to a “Cool Car” which was a “Sporty Eclipse or similar”… little things make me super happy, so I was excited about that. I got there and they of course gave the Eclipse away, but they did give me a 2008 black Mustang, which was all chromed out. I felt so cool. My hair blowing in the wind, music cranked up… right up until I had to go through a toll booth. This was a problem, because I didn’t have a damn dime!!! I don’t ever carry cash… note to all you would be muggers out there reading my blog and plotting…

I was quickly humbled as I sat, creating a line behind me, and wrote a $ 0.75 check to the Florida Department of Transportation… not once, but twice!!! Oh yeah, I am hot!!!

Girls night picture!!

Tammy, Lindsay, April, Charlie, Lisa

Sunday Sunday Sunday...

I happen to not like the fact that you have to title each entry. Sometimes, such as today, nothing catchy comes to mind because I just want to update you on a few things and it pisses me off! But anyway, I digress.

Went out for girls night last night and guess what!?!? We, for the second week, got a completely free dinner. Actually, more than just dinner... by the time we left, I was about 2 drinks passed buzzed, as were all my friends. How cool is that! Free! This time it was because we waited for an hour and 45 minutes for a table (the majority of that time was spent shopping because the restaurant was adjacent to a mall) and because our food took soooo long. I will say though, I will put up with some crappy service if we keep getting these comped dinners out... that shit can get expensive!!!

I am also happy to report that I went to the other girl to do my hair... It looks awesome and it was $40 cheaper than my other guy. I still feel horrible about ending the relationship with my current stylist and I am not sure about how I am going to handle future trips to that mall... but I will figure something out.

I fly out tomorrow for Florida... Don't get excited, it is just an overnight trip. It will probably take me longer to get to my destination with fly time and drive time than time I will actually spend doing my job there... but whatever.

I will keep you posted when I can! Have a great week

Three things.

1. Potentially sever storms in the Des Moines area tonight... Anybody up for a sleep over!?!?!?!

2. My friend went to the beauty supply store today and bought me some new product... Now, I can't focus on work because I just want to go home and wash my hair.

3. Speaking of hair. I had another girl in my office, again pretending to be me, cancel my hair appointment for tomorrow night. She got the job done!

Cheater

I get my hair high lighted/low lighted once a month and it is like $110 each time. I know it doesn’t sound like much to other people who pay a lot more than that at expensive salons… but to me, it adds up. So, last night I was talking to my friend, who suggested that I have our other friend do it. She is a licensed cosmetologist, but is currently not working at a salon because she can’t find one that she likes or makes enough money at… So I called her and she will do it for less than half the price. Great! Right? Wrong. I have been going to the same guy for like over a year and I seriously feel like I am cheating on him. The next time I go to the mall I am going to have the wear a hat and run by his door…

It gets worse. I called this past Saturday and made the original appointment for this coming Saturday… well then I got to work on Monday and I hated my outfit, which makes me hate everything about the way I look, so I bumped up my appointment to this Thursday… Then today, I confirmed with the new girl that she was going to do it… so I would have had to call again to cancel. Now, all of this calling is going to make me look like I am a moron.

So, in my infinite wisdom, I had a girl in my office (pretending to be me) call to cancel because of a last minute work trip. Of course, he answered the phone… which he never does. He knows me and my voice… she freaked out and said (still pretending to be me) that she had another call and asked him to hold on for just a sec. Then we hung up on him.

Seriously… why am I freaking out about this? I am a grown ass woman. I should just call and say, look, I can’t make it. I won’t though; I will wait until tonight on my way home and hope that I get the night receptionist at the salon.

Apparently I am not just a cheater; I am also a chicken shit.

Tired, Drowsy, Sleepy... All of the above!

I don’t know why driving makes me so tired, because essentially I am just sitting on my ass… but it really does. I suppose part of it could be the fact that about 80% of the trip I am giving a full on concert, complete with dancing and clapping… who knows. In any case, I am tirrreeedddd! During the 45 minutes that I tortured myself this morning with allowing my alarm clock to go off, I was dreaming that I got to work and my boss told me that something happened that didn’t allow us to work and that the office got to go home and go back to bed. Clearly, that didn’t happen…

I love going back to Peoria and seeing my fam, but I am also looking forward to sleeping in this Saturday and having a weekend to do nothing! Isn’t it funny that it is Monday and I am already day dreaming about my weekend.

Don’t worry though; I will get my second wind… probably at about 9:30 tonight… I think my internal clock is on crack.

Ramblings

My apartment complex is starting to make me lose my patience. I know, it hasn’t even been a month… First my garbage disposal didn’t work and it took them TWO WEEKS to come and fix it, then I finally got my washer/dryer dropped off (getting that done was a task in itself because they game me the wrong paperwork) and it is too big for the closet it has to sit it-so I can’t close the closet door, then the other day my entire parking lot was closed off because of repainting or something, and now there was a note on my door that says I have to drop off a spare key to my apartment for the office and if I don’t do it by tomorrow they are going to drill the lock and charge me $50.00!!!!

First off, I don’t like threats. Tell me what I have to do and I will do it, don’t say you are going to charge me $50.00. Next, there are like a hundred units in the complex and you are telling me you couldn’t measure the washer/dryer closet… and that I am the only one that finds this to be a pain in the ass! As far as the repainting goes, people are going to park any damn place they want, so why force me out of the lot for a night to put the suggestive lines? Finally, thanks for finally fixing my garbage disposal, but that caused my dishwasher to leak… so I am still not happy.

In other news… I decided to part my hair on the opposite side than I usually do today. Thanks to the love of my life, the hot iron, I have breakage and I decided to give my normal part a break to day. I know, it seems silly… but it is kind of throwing me off. Seriously, try it and then you will see-this is a big deal. For some reason when I decided I was going to talk about this in my post today, I thought of Carrie Bradshaw sitting at her laptop smoking a cigarette asking this questions, “When did our parts become such a part of us?”

Clearly my mind works in very mysterious ways! Or I have entirely too much time on my hands…

Is there a full moon today?

Random things are happening today.

First, I get a myspace friend request from "Shell"... I responded-no approval, because I don't know you. As I am hitting the send button, I am thanking my lucky stars that I opted for the private myspace page. Turns out it was my ex's sister, who I haven't talked to in probably 4 or 5 years and the last time I saw here she was yelling expletives at me from the floor above me at Northwoods mall. Yeah, I politely declined that friend request.

Next, I get a text message that says something about being tagged with the "Bowchickabowbow". It was a forward from a Peoria number that I don't know... I asked who it was, no response.

Finally, I told a friend I would call him back on Sunday "in a few minutes" and then I got stuck going to a work thing and my few minutes ended being like 6 hours... So I just talked to him and he said he hadn't called me for three days because I took too long to call him back... Really? Are you f ing kidding? Whatever.

Ok, in all honesty, even though I am kind of bitching about these things... I like random stuff like that, it keeps the day exciting.

Gender Differences

In order for a woman to… um… “run game”, if you will, the conditions have to be just right. Take this scenario for instance, I wake up on a Saturday morning, relax for a while with a cup of coffee, and then start cleaning the house. In the midst of my cleaning, I decide that I should probably be doing laundry as well, but I am out of detergent. So, I run to the store without having gotten ready. I am wearing my favorite sweat shorts and a hoodie, my hair is in a ponytail, I don’t have any make up on and I probably have coffee breath… On my way into the store, I spot Mr. Saturday. Mr. Saturday is the hot guy that is probably on his way to play touch football with other Mr. Saturdays in the park. He probably just threw on his favorite t-shirt and hat, but it looks like he just stepped out of an Abercrombie ad. He glances my direction, we make eye contact and then this happens in my head: OMG, I look like shit… What the hell am I wearing-why didn’t I put on normal clothes, instead of heading out into the world in my damn pajamas!?!? Would it have killed me to slap some concealer and lip gloss on!?!?! In that moment, those are things that are going through my head. I wouldn’t ever consider walking up to the guy and saying hi, waving to him or in any way drawing attention to myself….

Fortunately, for anyone with a sense of humor, guys don’t have that same filter. They don’t care if they are driving a semi-truck down the highway, a garbage truck in town, standing in the welfare line, haven’t showered in days, forget coffee breath-lets talk about ass breath, their baby mama is waiting in the car while they run into the store… they are going to flirt their asses off, make cat calls, wave, and generally anything else they can do to get a woman to look their direction.

I personally find this attitude quite endearing. They see something they like and in that moment they go after it. It doesn’t work, I have never seen any women pull over and run to the passenger side of a big rig, but it is cute none the less.

Weekend Review

I know my momma will love this one. I can imagine that as soon as she reads this post, she will promptly call me to tell me that I am grounded.

My mom came out to DSM to visit me this past weekend. Friday night, my friends and I took her to the Wells Fargo World Food Festival downtown. It was the typical downtown event…. some stuff to do, some stuff to eat, and the beer tent. It was a good time. The best part of those things is just the people watching. My mom found out that she likes Mojitos and I found out that even if beer gets spilled all over your ass in a crowded public place… you can still have fun! “Focus on what is front of you, not behind you” is a good motto to have in a situation such as that.

Saturday we were looking forward to sleeping in… but for some crazy reason we were up and about at 7:30! So, not to waste the day, we got ready and headed down to the farmer’s market. No wet asses there (thank goodness) and we traded in our mojitos and beer for coffee and oj. It was such a beautiful day that day, it felt like it was the middle of June… definitely not October.

After the farmer’s market we did quite a bit of shopping; they were having some awesome sales… and then just relaxed.

My mom and I met friends for dinner and drinks that night… of course, in the grand traditional of all that I do, it wasn’t quite that simple... We had a little “hiccup” at dinner. By “hiccup” I mean, our waitress was a total bitch. I called for the manager and he was kind of a bitch too at first, but much to everyone’s surprise (and after him listening in on our girly conversations) he took care of all of our food and one round of drinks. Our bill was originally about $140 and the total at the end was $33!!!! So my mom, who happened to be the coolest chick in the world, treated the girls to dinner!

Not to glaze over the rest of the night, even though that is exactly what I am about to do… I will give you a highlight reel: There was almost a fight over a couch-which subsequently almost caused another fight… but don’t worry no fights ever actually happened and all is love now. My mom took dance lessons from a voluptuous black woman and loved every minute of it. I managed to break my favorite black strappy high heels and smash my fingers in a door at the same time. And the entire night ended with my mom and I trying to remember old vacation bible school songs in the back seat of my friend’s car as her husband drove us home and she picked sunflowers seeds out of her lap!

Sunday we ended the weekend with a nice breakfast and a good laugh and back to Peoria she went… It was a great time and I hope she had as much fun as I did!

And now the start of a new week… I am tired already!

I am back!

I was so excited when I reached my one year mark on the original Charlie-girl blog. I loved updating my page and attempting to make people laugh with my renditions of how events happened in my daily life... Unfortunately, I had run out of things to talk about in my current life.

Well, as most of you know (and if you don't, that was probably on purpose)... THINGS HAVE CHANGED!!!

I am in a new place both literally and emotionally, I have a great group of friends, and not only am I ready to start my new adventures... I am ready to include you in them.

I will try to be consistent with my posts and I hope you enjoy what is to come... And who the hell knows what that will be!!