Sunday, November 21, 2010

Weekend Randoms

I am doing this current bloggity blog post under pretty interesting circumstances... I came to my fav little coffee joint and it was crazy packed. I wanted to get a table so I could post, but they were all taken. So, I just stopped by a table with an extra chair and asked if I could join! I told them I would be super quiet, and let them know they wouldn't even know I was here. They obliged. So, here I am at a table with people I don't know and unbeknownst to them, they are the feature of my bloggity blog! Isn't that funny... and a little creepy?!


You can say that I am a lot of things... shy, would not be one of them!




Anyway...




Friday night my great friends and I decided to stay in and just hang out. We ordered a pizza, had great conversation and then..... wait for it..... Played old school NINTENDO!!!!





I am talking Super Mario Bros., Zelda and Track and Feild old school Nintendo!




Remind me to tell you when I see you in person, my "Mario" joke. It is hilarious, but only works if we are actually using our voices (you know, how people used to communicate) and not text/email/blog communicating...




Also, I met my Soul Mate this weekend. His name is, well, he actually didn't have a name, but I thought he definitely looked like a Roger.



I know I promised my parents that I would not get another dog... and I won't. Because even though I felt my broken lover starting to mend when I looked into his big brown eyes, I also saw trips outside at 4 AM in the cold and rain, so he could go potty... and I saw vet bills... and I saw poop on my carpet... But, man, it was hard to see past our connection to those negative things.


If there was ever a boy, dog version of me... it would be Roger... minus the lisp of course, because I also felt like Roger would have one.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Can Someone Get The Phone???


Oh... These darn Duggers.
Sometimes I watch this show and my tubes tie themselves. Other times, I am impressed by the fact that they have like 93 kids, they all take care of each other and the parents have managed to stay debt free by making them do manual labor, like build their house.
It is fascinating, really.
Other times, I just get curious. Which is why, when perusing their website and seeing a phone number, I gave 'em a call!
Yep. I did that. I think I was most curious to see what little Dugger I would get!
Turns out, it was a valid number, but I only got Papa Jim Bob's voicemail.
Like eight million people call into vote for their favorite dancing star... nope, not me. Someone who will call in to vote on a tv show is soooo lame... but those darn Duggers... I just couldn't resist!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

A Bit Much


Typically (and by typically, I mean 99.9999% of the time) I will not be discussing my lady parts with you.
But, since this technically doesn't have to do with my lady parts and it was funny, I will share.
I am adult and all women do it, so I am comfortable with telling you that recently I visiting my doctor for my "annual womanly physical".
Turns out that I am not comfortable at all with telling you that and my face is for reals red right now!
Anyway... So, I walk in and they have plasma TV's all over the place talking about all kinds of great *read: kind of gross* women products. As I was diligently filling out my paperwork and trying to avoid eye contact with... well, everyone... I see a guy on the TV that I work out with almost every day.
As it turns out, he is a lady doc! I would have never pegged him as such either... He looks way more retail at Bed, Bath and Beyond than doctor... but, I guess it just goes to show you that you really can't judge a book by it's cover.
So for some reason, today, I decided to tell the doc that I saw him on TV at the office.
The exchange went like this:
CG: Hey, I have to tell you... I saw you on the TV when I was waiting my appointment last week!
*I still can't exactly remember why I felt the need to do this...*
Doc: Oh, yeah! I am an OB/GYN... There are a lot of ladies here that come in to me.
CG: I just decide staring blankly is best at this point... because all I can think about is the reality of just how much of so many of us (us not meaning me) this guy has seen and I am wishing so much I can take back my initial comment...
Doc: Oh, they all look the same though... you know, it is just my 8 to 5.
Maybe I am not mature enough for that whole exchange, because I really just wanted to respond with "Groooooossssssssssss!" before running away.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Shaka Dat Ass


I used to travel a lot when I worked at the software company and when I wasn't staying in Convents and on pig farms in order to pocket my per diems, I became very good at entertaining myself in hotels rooms.
I used to spend, literally, hours giving myself world class pedicures and meticulously cleaning and organizing my make up cases.
Can you imagine my surprise last night when, during a "what can I do to entertain myself" brainstorming session, I happened upon free fitness dance videos on TV?
Right after I made for sure, for sure, that my order was not going to result in a trick porn video charge on my hotel bill... I seriously shook my ass to "Bollywood Boogie"!!
I was so excited.
When the precious Bollywood girl said "You got it girls, you are dancing"! I excitedly shouted back, "Damn right I am!!!".
I got to dance my ass off, got a good little work out in, killed about an hour and I didn't even have a bar bill!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Thursday, November 4, 2010

A Letter to Llama


Dear Mamma -
I feel like you dropped the ball a little bit during my gestation period. I mean, I know it was nearly thirty years ago, but recently things have been brought to light that need to be addressed.
We have already talked about the Folic Acid situation and how you could have kicked it up a notch there, so I won't beat a dead horse... but one of the bazillion preggers girls in my office recently mentioned that she eats healthy because the baby can taste and develop food preferences based off of what the mother eats.
Um... did they have Charleston Chews back in the early eighties?? Were you taking in copious amounts of Starbucks' Carmel Macchiato? I feel like I would prefer eating my lunchtime carrots over gummy bears if you would have paid better attention to what you were putting in your pie hole!
I love you. I really do. Which is why I will look past the initial nine months we spent together and know that since that time you have showed marked improvement. But, thank goodness you did.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Taking A Month!?


Did you think that I disappeared?! I kind of did, I suppose...



I don't know if you have gathered from this little blogity blog, but I have a pretty routine life and I guess I simply ran out of things to talk about. Well... I ran out of things that I can talk to you about. Wink Wink... And, after my little precious baby sister left, I was feeling uninspired.



But, enough about all that! Here I am!



In order to find some inspiration, I even went home! Yep, that's right, I went back to Peoria and even though it has been only twice this year, I didn't even have to mapquest it!



It was such a great weekend. I got to visit my mom's "special" class of little precious dirty handed nuggets.



Sidenote: I have always had respect for my mom and the work she does, but after taking my germ-a-phobic ass to visit her class... I don't know if I should up my respect or just think she is crazy.



Little kids are so gross!! Sorry if you are one. Or own one. But, if you do, please make sure to have them bathe before school and blow there little noses and brush their hair...



Ok, I am done with that little tirade.



I also got to rock my Snookie costume at a Halloween Party with my mom, dad and brother.



When my brother was not demonstrating the very thin line between seeing and screaming at Karaoke, he was beating me with his cane slash sword showing me just how crazy Alex from Clockwork Orange was.



My mom would have to pause saving my life to hide in my dad's "TeePee" every time he got the Spartan Cheerleader Spirit. Thankfully, she had shorts on under her cheer leading skirt.



I need to visit home more often, because they are batshit crazy and I loved every ever lovin second of it!