Adventures

Having the extra day last weekend inspired me and a few friends to mark some stuff off our “Things to do in 2008” list.

Checked off the list:
Go to the downtown farmer’s market. Check!
Take a tour of the Des Moines Capitol. Check!
Go to the Zoo. Check!
Hike the trails at Ledges State Park. Check!
Go on a picnic/have a cookout at the park. Check!

Ryan, Charlie-Girl, Panties

at the Capitol

I bet you are thinking that I had a pretty great, action packed, long weekend. I sure did!

Generally during long weekends I try to get one major thing done that I have been putting off. Such as, clean out a closet or go through a junk drawer. But, I have a perfectly organized closet and no junk drawer…. So the only “project” left for me is to fix my acetone damaged table. And, I just didn’t feel like it. It looks horrible, but I don’t have a lot of company, so who cares. Right?!

While all of the things we did were so much fun, probably the coolest thing was feeding the fish at the zoo. I know it sounds stupid, but I have never seen fish like this. There were millions of them, just flopping over each other trying to get the pellets being thrown in to them. There were some places that you couldn’t even see water, the fish were just lying on top of each other.

I was completely grossed out at first. I looked at them, got grossed out and had to leave the area. But, for some reason, I felt compelled to go back…. and by the time I left that area (probably about 45 minutes later) I had my fingers down their big nasty fish mouths hand feeding them the pellets. I was fascinated.

I wonder what I will mark of my list this weekend….

So Dumb

It was so stupid of me to wait as long as I did to get renters insurance. I have been in my crap hole for nine months now just chancing it. You don’t even have to tell me… I know that was so dumb.

It is one of those things that is not an immediate need and is easily pushed to the background, but then your wall caves in from damaging winds you are thinking about what an immediate need is!

I am happy to report that I took that dump and got off that pot! Bring it on, potential disaster.

But what it should have read was…

I just had to send out the following company memo:

In the event of a storm that we would need to seek shelter, we will be using the bathrooms.

What the memo should have said was this:

In the event of a storm that we would need to seek shelter, we will be using the bathrooms.

On your way to the shelter, will you please stop by my desk (I will be under it) and guide me, as my eyes will be tightly shut, to the shelter with you.

If you don’t see me under the desk, I am happy to report that I have made it to the storm shelter on my own. Not because of my amazing courage, but rather, when the siren went off, I ran there as fast as I could, so I didn’t shit myself.

I am not sure my superiors would have liked my version….

Bed, Bath & Beyond Stock Up Sale

I need one.

I have four spoons, four knives, four forks, etc.; the same with plates and other kitchen service items. If I were to have a dinner party with more than three friends, I would be screwed.

Because I am generally the only person that is at my house, I only really notice a problem once a week. Since, I have a bowl of cereal every day, by Friday; I have no bowls and no spoons. So, each Friday, I sit down to watch the morning news while eating my cereal with a ladle out of a serving bowl. Most of the times, my shoes match.

I started thinking about this last night when I tried to make dinner… something I normally don’t do… I bought that Chicken Chow Mien stuff in a can and I went to cook it last night and realized that I don’t even have a can opener…. So, I had to eat cereal for dinner too, which threw off this morning’s serving bowl and ladle availability. I would have had a frozen dinner, but I don’t have a microwave either and waiting 55 minutes to cook something like that in the oven is a let down. Cooking anything in the oven for 55 minutes makes you think of an actual home cooked meal, so when cardboard chicken and mashed potatoes that are the consistency of sand come out… you realize your time was wasted.

You may be thinking, “Why doesn’t she just do dishes?”, and the answer to that is, when you are only putting one spoon and one bowl in the sink each day, running the dishwasher mid week isn’t exactly worth the energy. And, I am green, folks. Eco friendly for life…

5th Grade Progress Report-“Doesn’t share well with others.”

I have major issue with drinking after people and people drinking after me. Basically, I won’t allow people to drink after me and I certainly wouldn’t pick up a random glass and take a healthy gulp…

I joined a Volleyball league with a friend. They are all his friends, I only know him. So, we play the first game and take a quick beer break before the next. We were all drinking from one pitcher and everybody just had their own glass. Everyone except my friend, that is. So, his friend says, “Just share with Charlie.” Instantly I froze. Then he proceeds to say, “She would be the logical person to share with, if you drank mine… that would just be weird.”

One, why the hell, out of the whole group of people he knows, would the person choose me for him to share with? Of the group I have known him the least amount of time…. Two, why would sharing a drink with your guy friend, that likes to pipe up and nominate people, be weird?

Obviously, since I don’t know any of these people I couldn’t speak up about all the things that were wrong about the situation… So, begrudgingly, I handed over my beer to “share”. By share, I mean I accepted it back when he was done drinking, and as soon as they weren’t looking, I set it on the ground and walked away from it.

Nothing Gets By Me

So this morning I got up and got ready, sat down to read for a minute (my cable is out) and have a bowl of cereal, grabbed some shoes out of my closet and ran out the door.

My shoes happen to be on the top shelf of my closet, so I can’t always see what I am grabbing for… but generally I notice if it is the wrong shoe and I try again.

Not today though…. I got all the way to work, about 25 minutes away, and realized that my right shoe didn’t quite feel like my left. Really. Not when I was walking around my apartment, not when I walked out to my car.... Not until I got to work, did I realize:

I am a damn retard.

Humbling Moments

I got up early for work this morning, so I took my time getting ready. Carefully applying my make up and making sure that my hair was as straight as possible….

I chose one of my summer dresses from last year, since it was going to be such a beautiful day and paired it with a cute little cardigan.

I sat down to eat a bowl of cereal before I left and watched a little of my favorite morning news, the Today Show….

I felt great and in my head I was looking good as I prepared to leave. One quick look in the mirror and……. stop. I might want to clean that big chunk of frosted mini wheat off my chin before I go!

That’ll knock the “I look good strut” right out of ya!

Irony

There is an intersection on my way to work that always has homeless people standing at it with “Will Work for Food” signs and begging for money.

In the past I have given a few dollars here and there; but generally it is because they are so close to my window that it is just really awkward not to acknowledge them.

Anyway. This morning, I saw one of the guys standing there with his normal sign… but he was holding a large Starbucks coffee…..

Beotch, I can’t afford a damn large coffee from Starbucks and you think I am going to give you some cash now!?!?!?!

Puhlease. You can give me some cash though, so I can get some good coffee. Jackass.

One of the Boys

Every Thursday night a couple of guys from my office get together and have a couple of beers and smoke cigars. Girls are not invited. I think it is just assumed that we wouldn't want to go, wouldn't be cool enough, or just simply couldn't "hang"...

So, imagine my delight when they invited me to come along! Tonight was the second week that I have been part of the crew and I love it! I love my girlfriends and doing girly things... but sometimes it is pretty damn fun to just hang out with the guys, have a beer, and get "guy perspective".

Plus, I don't mean to brag... but I can handle a cigar like a champ. (I will admit though that the first week I smoked a Hazelnut flavored cigar and tonight a vanilla one.... baby steps.)

Really?!

I watch the news every morning while I am getting ready for work. Yesterday they did a feature on a local Yoga studio. *Don't worry, this isn't another story of a yoga class I wobbled my way through.*

The reporter was asking the woman that owned the yoga studio who can benefit from Yoga... the woman replied with, "Young people, old people, thin people, women in prison"... I don't mean to scream captain obvious here, but one of those things just doesn't belong! I don't quite understand the natural progression from age and weight to women in prison!!

The good news is that incarcerated women all over the state of Iowa breathed a sigh of relief, for their new found zen.

Item of Week

Currently on sale for $ 6.99. Exclusively sold at O'Walgreens.

Two Thumbs Up

Or, in my dad's case, one big toe & one thumb up..... ;) JK, Dad!

You should probably all rent this movie... Martian Child. It is great. It might make you cry, but it will probably make you laugh your ass off too.... how great is that!

~~~Ch Ch Ch Check it out~~~

Sometimes I am Special, as in Ed.

So this past weekend, I went on a crazy cleaning spree. Not necessarily because my apartment needed to be cleaned, because frankly it always is... but mainly because I felt like I needed to be productive... but I didn't want to get ready and actual go somewhere.

Anyway.... during the spree I decided to wash my bathroom rug and shower curtain and replace the vinyl liner that I currently had on my shower. So, after I washed the shower curtain (the decorative outer one), naturally I put it in the dryer..... Dumb move. It totally shrunk. Of course. So, now I have a gimpy shower curtain.

Hookin' for Charity

So, tonight, yours truly will be auctioned off for a date at a Cystic Fibrosis event. I have limited details (Which I hate. I am a planner, people!) about this event, other than 9 guys and 4 girls will have to go on a date with the highest bidders!

Generally speaking, I don’t mind putting myself out there… and for those of you that really know me; I am not one to shy away from attention. But, for some reason, doing this scares me to death. I can just see it now….

“And our next Single up for bid… Ms. Charlie Duncan… bidding starts at $ 5.00.”

“…”

“Um... Ok. Anyone?”

“$2.50 Ladies and Gentlemen… it is for the kids….”

“…”

(Crickets chirping in the background)

That would piss me right the hell off.