I Operate...

In Post It notes and checklists. Without them, I would be lost. Not quite as lost as I would be if something happened to my Blackberry... but I can't even joke about that.

I have Post Its all around my desk and computer at work. Some of them say things that I have heard that I think are so funny and perfectly appropriate for all the time, like:

RUN WITH YOUR FEET, NOT WITH YOUR MOUTH!!!!!!

or

THE ABSENCE OF ADVERSITY IS THE ABSENCE OF KNOWING WHAT YOU ARE TRULY CAPABLE OF.

Some of the Post It notes have words on them that I have heard or read and I didn't know what they meant... so I Merriam-Webster dot com those babies and make myself use them in a sentence throughout the day.

I highly suggest using this method of increasing your vocabulary, because seeing the words every day really does help.

And, if it is not written on a Post It note, it is on a checklist. I have a "Work" checklist with work stuff on it (duh.) and a "Home" checklist with things I need to get done each week. This weeks checklist is as follows:

Clean Apt. (Deep clean)

Drop off dress @dry cleaners

Organize cabinets/files

Finish reading book

Buy new book

Clean compartments in car

I carry this list in my pocket book, so each time I go to use my debit card or ID, it is there... just challenging me to accomplish something. Each item has a little line in front for me to check off and let me tell you... that little checkmark feels oh so good!

Ok. Bye. I am going to accomplish something.

Bring Your Baby To Work

Today was apparently Bring Your Baby To Work Day, but I missed the memo on that one. Not that it would have mattered much, though, since I am pretty sure that by "baby" they didn't mean my super hot red peep toe heels.

What? I am working very hard to do just me right now! Don't judge!

I will tell you though, that if I did have a baby, I wouldn't do this:

Co-worker: "Awe, what a sweet little baby!!!"

Owner (in baby talk): "He says Thank You!"

Um... no he doesn't say Thank You. He is a baby and he can't talk and I am pretty sure that if he could talk, he would say he has crap in his pants.

Fresh Til The Death

If you are a big gigantic Jersey Shore fan, like my dad and I, than you know what G T L is.

Gym

Tan

Laundry

G T L is the process of stayin fresh. Ya dig?

Well, in addition to G T L, myself... I have an additional routine that happens every single time I go to the bathroom when I am "out".

My friends probably think that I have a pooping problem or something, because it takes me so much extra time to go to the bathroom...

But, I don't. Nope... I am just preservin my sexy and keepin it fresh.

L P G

Lipgloss. Perfume. Gum.

I will admit I do this. Every time. No matter what.

Fresh.

Question For You........

A little Dwight Schrute shout out with the title there.

Did ya catch it??

No? You didn't??

I should have known. I am pretty sure Dunder Mifflin only has one Employee of the Month and I am officially it. I even have the shirt to prove it.

I digress. My love for The Office is not the point of this point...

But, that is what popped into my head when I was thinking about this little example of a good question and a bad question I am about to lay on ya.

Good question:

(A call placed after my run today, after I remembered I have absolutely no groceries and there was a potential need to stop at Target for a salad...)

Charlie-Girl: So... How bad is my sweaty ass situation? Like go ahead and rock it on out bad? Or... Obscene, you should probably go home and change, bad?

Lil Bird Breath: Definitely a situation, but I think definitely go ahead and rock it on out.

A real friend is someone you can call to discuss a sweaty ass.

Bad question:

(On The Today Show this morning... when talking to a girl in the girl in the crowd before a break.)

My Great Friend Al Roker (we did shake hands after all): Hi! And is this your brother??

Girl: *Blankly staring*

Girl: No, this is my sister.

My Great Friend Al Roker (in his head): OH SHIT!!!!!

Age Appropriate

Yesterday was absolutely beautiful. The humidity finally let up a little bit, so my afro puff finally had a chance to deflate.

To celebrate I headed out to watch my very most favorite Dueling Piano group, Pianopalooza(Oh... Tony Bohnenkamp... I heart you...), that was doing an outdoor show.

There were a lot of people out watching, but in the grand tradition of adults, we barely put an effort into a clap, let alone danced.

Not the kids though, they were jammin out.

How great would it be to be a kid again and simply not give a shit. No preconceived notions or insecurities or hindrances.... Man, that would be great.

But, I digress. Kind of. There was one little girl on her own and then a group of 3 or 4 other kids playing and dancing together. She saw them and slowly began to dance her little way over. But, they weren't paying attention to her. So, she just stood there and watched for a while. Finally, they looked her direction and she did the obvious, most appropriate thing for that moment.

She held her dress up over her head and flashed her undies.

It wasn't a quick flash either. She stood there in all her Dora the Explorer undies glory and may have even pushed out her belly a little.

Can you imagine, if at my next networking event, when those awkward moments inevitably happen, I confidently held my dress over my head for a minute or so and then threw out a couple of business cards?!?!

I Knew It....

I struggle with a seemingly unrealistic fear... I guess it isn't a "fear" necessarily, as much as a healthy concern...

I am concerned that if you eat an apple, for example, and accidental swallow the seed, that there is potential for an apple tree to grow! Now, I know you are thinking that I am crazy, and I admit that it does sound that way. I think I know realistically that I am not going to have an apple tree growing in my belly... but it still freaks me out if a seed accidental slips by.

I shared this concern with some friends recently, while eating at a sushi restaurant. The sushi roll I chose had salmon eggs on it, which prompted the conversation and my explanation of the concern I had for giving birth to some baby salmon within the next 28 to 30 days (the gestation period for fish... duh.)

Well, would you know... just when I thought my fear was unfounded...

I hear about a man in Massachusetts that was diagnosed with lung cancer, only to find out it was a SPROUTED PEA!!!

Not only that, upon further investigation I found out that a Russian man went to the doctor with chest pain and there was a small fir tree branch growing!

So... No more seeds for me.

Clearly, you can't be too careful these days.

Everybody Poops

I have been terrible about my little bloggity blog lately. I was totally feeling sorry for myself yesterday thinking about it too...

Oh my goodness, work is so crazy busy!

Man, I have to deep clean my place... I have officially been a lazy ass for like a week about it!

I can't blog today, because I have to run errands... and see a movie... but mainly run errands.

In the midst of my pity party, it dawned on me.

EVERYBODY POOPS! Everybody is busy, every body has to clean their house and dog sit for friends and run errands with a movie break in between and grocery shop and work super hard...

So, no excuses!

I will handle my life better and stop neglecting this little love of mine.

Fun Filterless Family Excerpts

My amazing parents took all of us punks to New York City last week! It was such a great trip, my mom and dad celebrated their 33rd anniversary and my momma celebrated her 50th birthday! Can you believe it, check her out... she doesn't look a day over 29!

Jeez... I couldn't make her younger than me! 29 it is! She is a hot momma, regardless!

Even though my entire family made fun of me for bustin out my notebook periodically throughout the trip, I took the liberty of jotting down some things that fell out of our filterless mouths!

As you probably assume from my ramblings, there is no shortage of personality or mouth pieces in this crew....

Here goes.

"Oh, are you afraid some rubbed off while you were sleeping???"

-Chelsea, on me applying a fresh coat of lipgloss as our plane was landing.

"Look at Charlie. Having to try all hard as hell. Me... I just woke up this way."

-Kaleb, when we were trying to leave in the morning and I was frantically straightening my mane.

"Big K. What you were expecting. Hovercrafts?"

-Kristopher, when Kaleb remarked how unimpressive New York City was as we were driving in.

"Ok, Mom, you look like a thousand times better. Dad... you still need a lot of work."

-Me, while teaching my parents how to pose for pictures.

"Quick Charlie! Show your boobs!!"

-Mom, while trying to get the polar bear's attention at the zoo.

"Who is keeping an eye on that little short girl??"

-Mom, on who was making sure Chelsea was safe.

"You look just like an angel... and then you open your mouth."

-Chelsea, on me... just in general.

"Kim and Kourtney... Put your damn phones away!"

-Mom, letting Chelsea and I know we needed to be a little more in the moment.

"Well, you guys are just a bunch of smart asses aren't ya..."

-Poor dad! On his lovely fam!