If
you are a boy, move right along… thanks for stopping by… Nice seeing ya… We’ll catch up another day…
If
you have a vagina and/or don’t get skeeved out by the word “panties”, you can
stay.
All
in?! Everybody good?! Ok.
By a
show of hands, who here works in an office??
Ok. Thank you. You can put your hands down now.
Do
any of you have to play “hide the tampon”, or is this a game only I play??
When
I am impure*, I do not want to conspicuously carry my purse to the bathroom and
we don’t have a storage area where you can keep your stuff. So, instead, I hide my tampon somewhere on my
body before going to the bathroom.
The
problem with this game is that I work in cubical city… and they are the short
cubes… so everyone can hear and see everything.
When
I wear clothes with pockets, it is not that big of a deal…. But most days, I
wear dresses and that is when I get really creative! Sometimes I stick it down my top and hold it
in my bra… but if my shirt is not fabric-y enough, I have to get it in the
center of my bra, under the underwire. *Try placing an object in the middle of your
breasts and under the underwire of your bra, in the middle of a crowded office,
without getting noticed. Seriously.* One time, I had a deep cowl neck sweater, so
I just threw it on in there, with all the folds… that one was a bit risky
though. I also stick it in the waste of
my pants, but I have to be careful with
that one too, because if my pants are too loose, it will just slide right down
my leg and out of my pants. I know this,
because it has happened. Luckily, I was
in the bathroom by the time it had wriggled out.
Today,
I had to go with the “in the boot” move.
Because I have no pockets and couldn’t easily get to my bra.
Some
days, I think we should win awards, receive money, be allowed free spa services
for life…. Just for being a woman.
*I
just finished Unorthodox, The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots. For the time being, and when I remember, I
will refer to my “cycle” as my impure time, purely for my own comedic enjoyment.
