Family Christmas

This Christmas is the first Christmas in all of my 30 years on this earth, that I will not be spending it with my parents and my brothers and sister and I am getting sadder and sadder by the second.

 

I know this might sound silly because I am grown woman, and it is just one day, but I just can’t shake it!

 

They are all going on a cruise and because of schedules/work/fiancé/ etc., I couldn’t go.  To be totally honest, when I made the decision, I wanted to be able to spend the holidays with Fiance and he was not able to go, so I decided to stay.  And, I know I am being a total jerk, because anytime Christmas is brought up I mention that I am not able to  spend it with my family… and he always says that he is my family too… and I know it probably hurts his feelings a little bit… but it just isn’t the same.  Does that make sense?

 

Anyway, I can’t even talk about it right now, because I just can’t.  So, moving along…. Since I am not able to be there, here are some things that they need to know and/or do:

 

Mom and Chelsea – As often as you remember, please remember to talk to Kristopher in a British Accent.  He may act like it annoys him, but he really appreciates and makes him feel more comfortable.

 

If someone has to get tossed off the ship for some reason, it should be Kristopher.  Thanks to all his MMA/jiu jitsu/other training I can’t remember - training, I am confident he is in the best shape to swim back to shore.  I am not sure the others could make it, so he is gonna have to take one for the team.

 

Kristopher and Chelsea – Race Kaleb up the stairs like we did in our hotel in New York.  He likes the competition and talking crap.  Also, put sun screen on him, he has a tendency to burn.  And, I have a feeling he might be a little bit of a cruise ship ladies man… so don’t cramp his style.

 

Everyone – Please watch over Chelsea.  She is so tiny and even though she thinks that since she is grown, she really is just a tiny little baby and needs all of us to protect her.  (She can get kind of feisty and scrappy though, so be on alert at all times.)

 

Kristopher, Kaleb, Chelsea and Mom – Don’t let dad where his big ol’ white socks with his Velcro sandals.  I don’t think any additional explanation is needed here, right??

 

Kristopher, Kaleb, Chelsea and Dad – I have taken mom on a cruise and she is totally nuts.  And, by nuts, I mean she is the very most exciting, excited, fun person on the whole ship.  Because of this deep desire to have the best adventure of her whole life in those 7 days, she is a real risk taker.  So, be careful with excursions.  International hospitals can be a bit sketchy.

 

While I may not be there with you in person, I will be carrying around each of you in my heart.  So much.  And, if you start to get sad, just think about how bitchy I get about things like eating and drinking noises and how mad I got with Chels and Kaleb got drunk on the Mexican vacation and I freaked out.  I am no fun anymore and a totally pain in the ass!  So, have fun!  Just come back safely.  Ok?

Babies Are Cute, Not Manly

Yesterday Fiance and I were getting some Christmas shopping done and on our list was a new addition to his side of the family, Wiley.  Wiley is his cousins two month old little babycakes!

 

Me:  Oh my gosh!  Look at this precious little rabbit sleeper!  It even has little ears!

 

Fiance:  Uuuuh.  No. 

 

Me:  Whatever.  He is a sweet little babycakes!

 

Fiance:  He is a boy.  Not a rabbit.  *He holds up a tiny leather jacket.*   He needs this, its manly.

 

Me:  And, is he going to change our tire while we are there?

 

To that, he just walked away.  I think it is less because he thought I was being unreasonable and more because he realized at that moment that I was absolutely right.

Passing Zone

The funniest thing just happened.  Well, I think it is so funny and cute, but you may just think I am just ridiculous.  It is a chance I am willing to take.

 

So, recently we hired a girl at work that is from England.  I don’t know where, but since Londy-pants is one of my very most favorite places in the whole world, I pretend she is from there and that she was really rich and got to live in an awesome flat with awesome flat mates. 

 

I wish I could talk to her only in my English Accent, like I do when by brother comes to visit.  But, like him, I think she would also want to punch me.

 

Anyway, we were both walking down the hall in opposite directions today and we went to get out of each other’s way and when I stepped to my right, she stepped to her left!  So, we were left doing the awkward pass dance.

 

Hello!  Any red blooded American knows that when you pass, you both move to the right, because that is the way our roads are!  But they drive on the opposite side of the road!!

 

I was secretly dying inside and wanted to tell her so badly, in my best English Accent, of course.

 

Ooooh, I want to go back to Londy-pants so bad…

Really?!?

On Thanksgiving morning, I woke up early so I could make it to the gym before everyone started waking up and before I needed to get the turkey in the oven. I opened the garage door to leave and backed up right into my parents van. 

 

About a week later, I was leaving for the gym and I backed into our recycling bin, that was waiting to be emptied.  I smashed into it, knocking it down and scattering our recyclables all over the street.  So, in the cold, darkness of the early morning…there I was… cleaning the street and cussing a lot.

 

You would think that I would have learned by now to simply look behind me, wouldn’t you? 

 

Well, that is a lesson I apparently have not learned.  This morning, guess who smashed into the garbage can?!  Any guesses?!  Yes.  That’s right, me.  So once again, I had to clean the street of our waste… while cussing a lot, of course.

 

I had just finished running this morning and was cleaning off my treadmill, when the lady next to me says, “Hi, I think you live in my neighborhood!  Did you hit your garbage can this morning?!” 

 

Well, that is one way to make friends, I suppose.

Things I Have Never Said In My Whole Life…

Would you like fries with that order?

Oh my gosh, I’m pregnant!

Oh, no, I can’t donate blood.  I don’t weigh enough.

I don’t know… there is just something about a man with a mustache.

Let’s go camping!

I love getting up early to go run.

Oh, that… That’s my herpes medication.

Hold on, let me get my glasses, I can’t read that.*

No problem!  I don’t mind working late, I don’t have anything else going on!

I don’t worry about that!  I have PLENTY of money!

 

*Except when I did an internship for Illinois Department of Transportation and I was trying to look the part of a smart intern by rocking fake glasses.  When my boss asked whose lens (that had popped out, but as it was clear, I hadn’t noticed) was on the floor… my cover was blown.

Happy Accident

Holy moly. I can’t write for over a week and my last post is about Tampons?! That’s great... Sorry ya’ll!

Work has been buuuuuusy recently. With days off because of the holidays, yearend information needed, new clients, a trip to Wichita... I am one busy little bee.

 

So, the other day I was going to meet my greatest friend, Ryan and his husband Bryan for a quick dinner and a catch up.  Their wedding had been a few weeks earlier, so I wanted to hear how their honeymoon went, dish about the wedding, etc.  But, before I met them, I asked Fiance how much money he put in their wedding card and he mentioned he thought I did it!

 

My greatest friend, I was in the wedding and we didn't even get him a gift?! 

 

After I told them about this "we both though each other did it" mix up, I asked if we could take them to dinner instead.

 

From now on, for all wedding presents, it will be a card with a coupon to dinner. 

 

Last night was our dinner and it was great!  We got to look at wedding and honeymoon pictures, see their house, hang out and drink lots of wine!

 

So, now that I think about it, it was more of a present for me... so, um... Sorry, Ryan!  But, I love you and I loved the night!