The Case of the Missing Towel: Update

Don't get excited... it is not a good one. I have checked my apartment every night for the towel, still telling myself that I just misplaced it. It still isn't there.

While the cable guy was there the other night I got brave... I lifted the bar and pulled the slider and sure enough it was unlocked, as was the screen door. Potentially, I could have forgotten to put the bar down... But the fact that not only was the bar up, but the doors were unlocked as well, makes things even more unlikely.

While he was there I went through my, now standard, routine of checking every closet and every potential hiding place.

The cable guy was looking at me like I was crazy!

Bravery

I may have been in my bathtub with my purse (containing all my important identifying documents), my phone and a pillow; but I am happy to report that I declined to have someone drive to my house to get me during the tornadoes last night.

Bravery like a lion. Right here.

This Weekend

I am going to a wedding in Cedar Rapids. Guess what I will not be doing!

The Case of the Missing Towel

Last night I had a meeting after work, then had to run a few errands and go to the gym, so I didn't get home until about 9:30. I was washing my face and getting cleaned up from the gym when I noticed that my hair towel was not in its spot. I know that sounds silly, but as you can gather from my post about the exact number of plates and forks I have, I am pretty anal about my apartment and my things. I know specifically that my hair towel was on my bathroom door knob. I even went to put that towel on the hook yesterday morning when I was getting ready and then thought that the dampness of it makes it stay on the knob better than the more dry body towel, so I switched them around.... So when I got home and it wasn't there, I was a little alarmed.

Before I allowed myself to get completely freaked out I searched my apartment. I looked everywhere. Seriously. I even looked in the refrigerator. I know that sounds crazy, but I did wear two different shoes to work one morning, so clearly my mind sometimes wanders in the morning.

The towel is not in my apartment. I keep telling myself that the only rational explanation is that I misplaced the towel (even though I specifically know I didn't) and that it is somewhere in my apartment (even though I know it isn't)....

Here is the other thing, the bar that I keep on my sliding door was up. I was too afraid to see if the door was locked or unlocked, and I may have not put the bar down, but I certainly didn't get a warm fuzzy feeling when I saw that it was up...

So, with my bestie on the phone with me while I checked all closets, I confirmed that I was in fact alone and the towel thief was not in the apartment waiting to off me.

I then settled into bed with the lights and TV on for a very restless nights sleep.

Great Odds

So, the local radio station here is having a contest. Here is what you have to do… First, be the 107 caller, and then the last four digits of your cell phone have to match the number that they say. If that is the case, you win $25,000.

Ok, have you ever called in to a radio station…. To be the lucky numbered caller is an amazing feat itself. But, to not only be the 107th caller, to then have the last four digits of your cell phone number match the random number they happen to say!?!?!? Am I the only one there that sees this as nearly impossible.

Actually, this has inspired me to have a contest. I am going to write down a word on a piece of paper. It can be any word in the Webster’s Dictionary. If you guess the word and what number I happen to be thinking of right now… You win $50,000. Good luck!

Bad day, Could be worse

A few weeks ago I was out with friends and decided that I was just tired and I wanted to go home… So, I said goodbye, grabbed a cab, and was very excited about being home by 10 on a Friday night… just in time to watch my favorite late night TV, Chelsea Handler. Well, as you can probably imagine, I was incredibly pissed when I got home to find that my cable was out.

I called Mediacom, who said that my box was bad. The problem with that is, that I have two boxes… and they were both doing the same thing. The chances of them both going out in the same exact way and the same time, was slim to none. So, of course, I had to schedule an appointment with the service tech. One of the dreaded “four hour increment” appointments that were designed for people without a job…

Six days and 1 hour into my timeslot later, I had cable again. Apparently when the new neighbors got their cable hooked up, mine was pulled out……. Whatever. I was over it at that point and was just happy that I had my cable back.

This morning I wake up and turn on my TV ( last night was the very first night that I have slept with the TV off at my apartment….) to find that my damn cable was out again. I waited on hold for 23 minutes for the Media douche bags only to find out that I have yet again been assigned a service slot. Not the best way to start out my weekend.

In an attempt to pull my head out of the shit cloud that it is seemingly in I came to Starbucks to get some work done, so I wouldn’t have to go into the office on such a beautiful day. Of course, this Starbucks doesn’t have free Wi-fi. I thought that was standard now-a-days. Buy a $18.00 cup of coffee and get to use the internet for free. Apparently not such much, or at least not in my neighborhood.

So, head securely back in the shit cloud, I sat down to drink my coffee. Then I notice a poorly dressed guy, probably about 25 or so, asleep in one of the easy chairs. Why the staff hasn’t kicked him out yet, I don’t know… Next, I look outside to a jaded looking mother watching her son that is about 14 run laps around the tables, while flailing his arms about and yelling. Clearly this kid is a retard (not downs syndrome retarded, more village idiot retarded). And I think to myself…. I could have nothing better to do, or rather no better place to go on a Saturday morning to get some rest than a public place. So rather than being pissed about my cable being out, I should probably be thankful that I have a bed to sleep in and somewhere that I can go to escape. I also need to be thankful that I am not the mental heavy weight running around outside, or worse the poor woman that gave him birth, and thus is forced to accept his dumb ass…..

As you can see, even though I am clearly in a piss poor mood, I am gushing with insight and compassion……..

Adventures

Having the extra day last weekend inspired me and a few friends to mark some stuff off our “Things to do in 2008” list.

Checked off the list:
Go to the downtown farmer’s market. Check!
Take a tour of the Des Moines Capitol. Check!
Go to the Zoo. Check!
Hike the trails at Ledges State Park. Check!
Go on a picnic/have a cookout at the park. Check!

Ryan, Charlie-Girl, Panties

at the Capitol

I bet you are thinking that I had a pretty great, action packed, long weekend. I sure did!

Generally during long weekends I try to get one major thing done that I have been putting off. Such as, clean out a closet or go through a junk drawer. But, I have a perfectly organized closet and no junk drawer…. So the only “project” left for me is to fix my acetone damaged table. And, I just didn’t feel like it. It looks horrible, but I don’t have a lot of company, so who cares. Right?!

While all of the things we did were so much fun, probably the coolest thing was feeding the fish at the zoo. I know it sounds stupid, but I have never seen fish like this. There were millions of them, just flopping over each other trying to get the pellets being thrown in to them. There were some places that you couldn’t even see water, the fish were just lying on top of each other.

I was completely grossed out at first. I looked at them, got grossed out and had to leave the area. But, for some reason, I felt compelled to go back…. and by the time I left that area (probably about 45 minutes later) I had my fingers down their big nasty fish mouths hand feeding them the pellets. I was fascinated.

I wonder what I will mark of my list this weekend….

So Dumb

It was so stupid of me to wait as long as I did to get renters insurance. I have been in my crap hole for nine months now just chancing it. You don’t even have to tell me… I know that was so dumb.

It is one of those things that is not an immediate need and is easily pushed to the background, but then your wall caves in from damaging winds you are thinking about what an immediate need is!

I am happy to report that I took that dump and got off that pot! Bring it on, potential disaster.

But what it should have read was…

I just had to send out the following company memo:

In the event of a storm that we would need to seek shelter, we will be using the bathrooms.

What the memo should have said was this:

In the event of a storm that we would need to seek shelter, we will be using the bathrooms.

On your way to the shelter, will you please stop by my desk (I will be under it) and guide me, as my eyes will be tightly shut, to the shelter with you.

If you don’t see me under the desk, I am happy to report that I have made it to the storm shelter on my own. Not because of my amazing courage, but rather, when the siren went off, I ran there as fast as I could, so I didn’t shit myself.

I am not sure my superiors would have liked my version….

Bed, Bath & Beyond Stock Up Sale

I need one.

I have four spoons, four knives, four forks, etc.; the same with plates and other kitchen service items. If I were to have a dinner party with more than three friends, I would be screwed.

Because I am generally the only person that is at my house, I only really notice a problem once a week. Since, I have a bowl of cereal every day, by Friday; I have no bowls and no spoons. So, each Friday, I sit down to watch the morning news while eating my cereal with a ladle out of a serving bowl. Most of the times, my shoes match.

I started thinking about this last night when I tried to make dinner… something I normally don’t do… I bought that Chicken Chow Mien stuff in a can and I went to cook it last night and realized that I don’t even have a can opener…. So, I had to eat cereal for dinner too, which threw off this morning’s serving bowl and ladle availability. I would have had a frozen dinner, but I don’t have a microwave either and waiting 55 minutes to cook something like that in the oven is a let down. Cooking anything in the oven for 55 minutes makes you think of an actual home cooked meal, so when cardboard chicken and mashed potatoes that are the consistency of sand come out… you realize your time was wasted.

You may be thinking, “Why doesn’t she just do dishes?”, and the answer to that is, when you are only putting one spoon and one bowl in the sink each day, running the dishwasher mid week isn’t exactly worth the energy. And, I am green, folks. Eco friendly for life…

5th Grade Progress Report-“Doesn’t share well with others.”

I have major issue with drinking after people and people drinking after me. Basically, I won’t allow people to drink after me and I certainly wouldn’t pick up a random glass and take a healthy gulp…

I joined a Volleyball league with a friend. They are all his friends, I only know him. So, we play the first game and take a quick beer break before the next. We were all drinking from one pitcher and everybody just had their own glass. Everyone except my friend, that is. So, his friend says, “Just share with Charlie.” Instantly I froze. Then he proceeds to say, “She would be the logical person to share with, if you drank mine… that would just be weird.”

One, why the hell, out of the whole group of people he knows, would the person choose me for him to share with? Of the group I have known him the least amount of time…. Two, why would sharing a drink with your guy friend, that likes to pipe up and nominate people, be weird?

Obviously, since I don’t know any of these people I couldn’t speak up about all the things that were wrong about the situation… So, begrudgingly, I handed over my beer to “share”. By share, I mean I accepted it back when he was done drinking, and as soon as they weren’t looking, I set it on the ground and walked away from it.

Nothing Gets By Me

So this morning I got up and got ready, sat down to read for a minute (my cable is out) and have a bowl of cereal, grabbed some shoes out of my closet and ran out the door.

My shoes happen to be on the top shelf of my closet, so I can’t always see what I am grabbing for… but generally I notice if it is the wrong shoe and I try again.

Not today though…. I got all the way to work, about 25 minutes away, and realized that my right shoe didn’t quite feel like my left. Really. Not when I was walking around my apartment, not when I walked out to my car.... Not until I got to work, did I realize:

I am a damn retard.

Humbling Moments

I got up early for work this morning, so I took my time getting ready. Carefully applying my make up and making sure that my hair was as straight as possible….

I chose one of my summer dresses from last year, since it was going to be such a beautiful day and paired it with a cute little cardigan.

I sat down to eat a bowl of cereal before I left and watched a little of my favorite morning news, the Today Show….

I felt great and in my head I was looking good as I prepared to leave. One quick look in the mirror and……. stop. I might want to clean that big chunk of frosted mini wheat off my chin before I go!

That’ll knock the “I look good strut” right out of ya!

Irony

There is an intersection on my way to work that always has homeless people standing at it with “Will Work for Food” signs and begging for money.

In the past I have given a few dollars here and there; but generally it is because they are so close to my window that it is just really awkward not to acknowledge them.

Anyway. This morning, I saw one of the guys standing there with his normal sign… but he was holding a large Starbucks coffee…..

Beotch, I can’t afford a damn large coffee from Starbucks and you think I am going to give you some cash now!?!?!?!

Puhlease. You can give me some cash though, so I can get some good coffee. Jackass.

One of the Boys

Every Thursday night a couple of guys from my office get together and have a couple of beers and smoke cigars. Girls are not invited. I think it is just assumed that we wouldn't want to go, wouldn't be cool enough, or just simply couldn't "hang"...

So, imagine my delight when they invited me to come along! Tonight was the second week that I have been part of the crew and I love it! I love my girlfriends and doing girly things... but sometimes it is pretty damn fun to just hang out with the guys, have a beer, and get "guy perspective".

Plus, I don't mean to brag... but I can handle a cigar like a champ. (I will admit though that the first week I smoked a Hazelnut flavored cigar and tonight a vanilla one.... baby steps.)

Really?!

I watch the news every morning while I am getting ready for work. Yesterday they did a feature on a local Yoga studio. *Don't worry, this isn't another story of a yoga class I wobbled my way through.*

The reporter was asking the woman that owned the yoga studio who can benefit from Yoga... the woman replied with, "Young people, old people, thin people, women in prison"... I don't mean to scream captain obvious here, but one of those things just doesn't belong! I don't quite understand the natural progression from age and weight to women in prison!!

The good news is that incarcerated women all over the state of Iowa breathed a sigh of relief, for their new found zen.

Item of Week

Currently on sale for $ 6.99. Exclusively sold at O'Walgreens.

Two Thumbs Up

Or, in my dad's case, one big toe & one thumb up..... ;) JK, Dad!

You should probably all rent this movie... Martian Child. It is great. It might make you cry, but it will probably make you laugh your ass off too.... how great is that!

~~~Ch Ch Ch Check it out~~~

Sometimes I am Special, as in Ed.

So this past weekend, I went on a crazy cleaning spree. Not necessarily because my apartment needed to be cleaned, because frankly it always is... but mainly because I felt like I needed to be productive... but I didn't want to get ready and actual go somewhere.

Anyway.... during the spree I decided to wash my bathroom rug and shower curtain and replace the vinyl liner that I currently had on my shower. So, after I washed the shower curtain (the decorative outer one), naturally I put it in the dryer..... Dumb move. It totally shrunk. Of course. So, now I have a gimpy shower curtain.

Hookin' for Charity

So, tonight, yours truly will be auctioned off for a date at a Cystic Fibrosis event. I have limited details (Which I hate. I am a planner, people!) about this event, other than 9 guys and 4 girls will have to go on a date with the highest bidders!

Generally speaking, I don’t mind putting myself out there… and for those of you that really know me; I am not one to shy away from attention. But, for some reason, doing this scares me to death. I can just see it now….

“And our next Single up for bid… Ms. Charlie Duncan… bidding starts at $ 5.00.”

“…”

“Um... Ok. Anyone?”

“$2.50 Ladies and Gentlemen… it is for the kids….”

“…”

(Crickets chirping in the background)

That would piss me right the hell off.

Felony Melanie

Yesterday I got my oil changed, filled my gas tank up, and washed my car. I dislike doing all of those things... because I feel that my money should be spent on more important things. Such as, shoes, new clothes, hair products, lip gloss, etc. But, I going home last night I felt like a mature, responsible adult. "Look at me, I just maintained my vehicle!", I wanted to say to my neighbor!

Anyway... I think it is funny that I went home with such a sense of accomplishment considering that I deliberately broke the law during my errands. Let me explain, the mitigating circumstances... I get my oil changed at Walmart, because I am smart with my money and don't mind hobknobbing with other "spend thrifts" if you will. So, when I went to pick up my vehicle, I got a few things. I ended up picking up more items than I anticipated though and didn't want to have to walk all the way to the front of the store for a cart or basket, so I stopped in the cleaning aisle and picked up a bucket. So, as I lobbed groceries into my bucket like it was on little couture shopping bag, I grabbed a banana for dinner.

Well, I went to pay and the man said that I couldn't get the banana because they didn't have a scale... (At least that is what I think he said, because he was talking like he had a mouth full of shit.....) So, I did what anyone would do, threw the banana into a bag with the rest of the groceries. Any one would do that right?!?!?! I have to admit, when my mom asked how I would like going to jail over a banana... It did put things into perspective just a bit.

Karma: That Bitch!

My parents are going to love this…..

In celebration of the fact that it made it above the freezing mark this past weekend, I decided to rock some cute new open toed shoes.

Unfortunately, I had been observing the “they are covered, just ignore them” mentality and I happened to need a pedicure. To save some cash (I am budgeting for my Vegas trip in 9 days!!!) I decided to just give my self a quick polish change on my own.

So there I sat in my living room, catching up on celebrity news and painting my toes… being a total girl. You wouldn’t have known it was a girl though when you heard the expletives fly out of my mouth when I dumped acetone all over my end table (it is really the center, main table, but I think they might all be called “end tables”… ??).

Of course acetone just eats away at the stain on the table instantly. I was sooooo pissed.

The problem was, who was I going to be mad at, I freaking did it. Then I thought of my poor parents. You see, about 15 years or so ago I did the same thing with acetone to our big nice (probably new) dining room table!

I wanted to kick my own ass when I did it to my little $99 Target table, it is truly surprising that I survived that incident with my parents!!!!

Word of the Day

I am a total nerd sometimes. You should know that.

I reference Merriam-Webster Dictionary several times a day and even get the Word of the Day sent to me. I try to use each word at least once throughout the course of the day… most of the time I don’t though. Just to keep it real.

I would like to share today’s word (which is actually a phrase, sometimes they do that) with you.

Gild the Lily
GILD-thuh-LILL-ee

*I love that they had to put thuh*

Meaning: to add unnecessary ornamentation to something beautiful in its own right

How great is that, I love it!!!! What a beautiful word/phrase of the day!!!

**Please reference the first line… Simple pleasures.**

Excuse Me Please

Dear Truck Driver:

I get it. You are pissed. I know the gas prices are high; I am not behind you on my bicycle, after all… What are you proving by driving slow and holding up traffic on the highway, though? I know Des Moines is a special place, but I can promise the President is not behind you and I am pretty sure that Joe Schmo on his way to work and Grandma Gus on her way to pick up some Metamucil don’t care to join in on this show of protest.

So, while I am more than happy to join a letter writing campaign or wear a button, you are going to have to move your ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Charlie-Girl
(Who happens to be in a damn hurry.)

Friday Round Up

I would like to start by mentioning that I am so ready for it to be warm outside! I am over the chilly weather and cumbersome clothes. I need a sundress, some flip flops, sunglasses, a smoothie, and a car ride with my windows down and music up, ASAP!

I have a big time problem with taking the time to scrape off my windows in the morning. It is too damn cold for me to be standing outside dealing with that crap. Usually I just run the windshield wiper fluid until everything melts off and role down each of my windows to clear the side views… that usually gets me to the highway and by then the car is warmed up enough to be able to see. I will admit that due to this process I have to stop for windshield wiper fluid about every week and a half; but it is cheap, so who cares.

Today, though, my wipers must have frozen in some weird way, so they wouldn’t actually make contact with the window… thus not clearing it. I actually had to get out and scrape it. I was too lazy to clean the sides though, and they wouldn’t even budge when I tried to roll them down….

So, every single time I had to turn or change lanes, I had to stick my head out the window for about the first fifteen minutes of my drive…. Oh yeah, I am cool!

A few weeks ago, my friends and I put together a list of stuff that we wanted to do in 2008. Kind of like a Bucket List, only none of us intend to die by December 31... Some of them were normal things, like go to an ICubs game or take a tour of the Capitol Building… some were a little bit more exciting, like the “free weekend” (this is where we go to free happy hours for dinner, open houses, who knows… maybe even a wedding or two)… Tonight we are going to mark one of the items off our list by going to a Des Moines Buccaneers game. Even more exciting, is it is Buc Beer Night!!! This should be fun.

Then, while it wasn’t on our list because we didn’t know about it, tomorrow we are going to an “Experience Africa” exhibit to walk in the shoes of a child in the midst of the Aids Crisis. That should be very interesting.

Hopefully that little walk through Africa doesn’t completely dampen our spirits though, because tomorrow night we are celebrating Ape’s birthday (again… God love her), by doing something totally out of the norm…. Going to dinner and “out” downtown. *gasp*

Finally, there is an incredibly small chance that we may not have to come to work on Monday because there is a problem with our plumbing (I didn’t know this until after I flushed the toilet… apparently I need to check my email more frequently). But, if it doesn’t get fixed over the weekend (which it will) we can’t be expected to hold it all day, right?!?

Apartment Woes #... what, are we at 27 now?

Sunday night I was doing laundry while watching a movie that I rented. I heard the water drain out and it sounded a little louder than normal… but I assumed I had left the door open and didn’t think much of it. So, later I went to exchange the loads and I got within 10 feet of the washer and my feet squished in the carpet… there was water everywhere!!!!!

I called the emergency maintenance line, because I wasn’t quite sure what to do… it was a pager, so I left my number. Thankfully, it was my very last load… so it didn’t completely piss me off. (Although water covering 1/3 of my apartment didn’t make me feel like a million bucks either…. But whatever). I waited and waited and waited. No call back. So I tried again, thinking if this truly was an emergency situation, I would be screwed. Again, I waited and never received a call back. So, I called my good buddy who is a pretty handy guy and asked if I had to stay up and worry about my water situation, or if I could just go to bed. It seemed like by going to bed, I was turning my back to a potentially huge smelly mess. He assured me, that since they didn’t call me back, that I should just go to bed (the water will be there in the morning, after all) and to have them come in first thing and make sure to do a mildew and mold treatment. So, to bed I went.

Sure enough, the next morning, the water was still there and had even seeped out into the main hallway. There was about a six foot half circle of water surrounding my door!! I am sure my neighbors were impressed.

On my way to the office I called the apartment office and of course, they don’t get there until 8:30, so I left a message (not a nice one…) and told them to call me back ASAP.

Take a step back in time with me for a sec, to remember all the other issues I had with my apartment… my shower leaking, my dishwasher didn’t work, my garbage disposal didn’t work, when water drained from my sink it came out from underneath of my refrigerator (this one totally grossed me out), my bathroom sink leaked… I could name a few more, but you get the point. They did fix my dishwasher and garbage disposal… but beyond that, they come to my apartment when I bitch, “look into my claims”, say that things really don’t leak (even though my carpet was wet from the shower), and even though they are supposed to follow up, I never hear from them about the issue again. Further, the last time they were in my apartment, every light was on when I came home and the door was unlocked… both of those things pissed me off more than you can imagine…..

For the most part, I have just become fed up with trying to call and explain things, and certainly fed up with having them come in to my apartment, dirty stuff up with their muddy shoes and handyman waste, while nothing is getting taken care of. So, I don’t continue to stay on them until things are completely fixed. Actually, why should that me my job, though??? Shouldn’t I report something and it should just get fixed?!?!?

With this issue though, I wasn’t nice and I definitely didn’t let things just drop. Additionally, while I had those bitches on the phone, I told them about everything else that hadn’t been fixed.

One more thing too, the reason why the water drained into the apartment in the first place, is because the hose for the washing machine was the wrong hose… so the maintenance man told me to go to Lowe’s to pick the right one up. As you can probably imagine, this set me off. THAT IS WHY I RENT, YA JACKASS. I don’t stop at Lowes. I stop at the mall or at the tanning salon or at the gym…. I stop at places like that because I don’t have the added financial responsibility of owning a damn home. YOU STOP AT LOWE’S YOUR DAMN SELF!!!!

So, the current status is that my carpet is dry now (thanks to a huge blower that kept me up most of Monday night) and apparently they put a mildew/mold treatment down before they re-glued my carpet. I am not sure if the washer is fixed yet or not, because once again the follow up call didn’t happen. I did get two other calls though on Tuesday night at about 7 and another on Wednesday at about 4 in the afternoon… asking me if I had just paged the emergency line. I let them know that I did… on SUNDAY. I also had to move a bookshelf (that they moved out of the way) all by myself, because apparently they don’t know how to put things back where they found them. I moved the book shelf, right after I picked up all the carpet cuttings and scrubbed their muddy shoe prints off my bathroom floor.

Good times. My lease is up in September; I will be sending hate mail until then.

On an unassociated home front note… my TV in my bedroom stopped working back in the beginning of February. I was really upset by this, because I sleep with the TV on. Unfortunately, I wasn’t upset enough to take my cheap ass to Best Buy to get a new TV… Well like three weeks after it stopped working, I think I lost power in my apartment for a minute, and it started working again… (this is not an old TV, there are no problems with the picture or anything… so why it stops working, I have no idea). So, it worked for about two weeks, and then stopped worked again. Knowing that power helps it “reboot”, if you will… I reset all of my fuses to jump start it. No luck. So, I unplugged it and moved on with my life. Last night, as I was deep cleaning the mess from the maintenance crew, I plugged it in to give it a test. Sure enough, it works again! So, for approximately the next two weeks, I will be back to my normal sleep and news watching routine… and then it will die again. At least I can prepare myself for it!

Interesting

Here are some fun facts about me…

I am 26 years old, born on March 9, 1982. This was a Tuesday. In order for me to have been born on that day, I would have had to have been conceived on or about June 6, 1981. Did the summer heat get to my parents?!?

Don’t worry… I am not sitting at my computer randomly thinking about when I was conceived… I was forwarded a website with a program that generates information related to birthdays! Generally speaking, I try to keep thoughts of that nature regarding my parents, far from my mind! Just saying!!!

Reflectively speaking, in 312 months, 1,359 weeks, 9,514 days, and 228,349 hours I have done a lot of living! Am I completely happy with everything decision I have made? Absolutely not! Am I happy with who I am and knowing that because of the decisions (some of them worse than others) I have made, I am the person I am? Definitely.

I also learned that I share my birthday with Lil’ Bow Wow and Chingy…. that clearly explains why I am such a good rapper. Ok, well maybe that fact doesn’t explain anything, but for the record I can spit some rhymes…..

**Thinking in my head, “Spit some rhymes, white girl, really????”**

I am going with it. Moving right along……

One of the top songs of the year I was born was Maneater by Daryl Hall and John Oates…. Twenty six years later that song has been recreated by Nelly Furtado and is also popular now!!! Crazy!

Lastly, and if I do say so, my favorite part of this generator, my birth tree is a Weeping Willow. This is what the Weeping Willow says about me:

Beautiful but full of melancholy, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful and tasteful, loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced, but is not easy to live with, demanding, good intuition, suffers in love but finds sometimes an anchoring partner.

Opening Up the Dirty Window

….It is from a song. My friends and I sing it, no I am sorry, we jam out to it when we head out on the weekends. Did you know that if you are not a very good singer, than you should probably sing louder… that helps. Really.

I digress.

Last night we all got together to celebrate Ape’s birthday, she is on the downward slope to thirty, just like me!!! Once you get to 26, thirty is just a round up away, so we should probably just get used to the idea. It also happened to be the much anticipated premier of the new season of The Hills!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So there we gathered, some of my favorite people in world Linds, Danny, Ryan, Ape and I. We watched, critiqued, laughed, and cried with our besties from the west LC and Whitney as they made London their beeotch… all while eating a Disney princess ice cream birthday cake in honor of Apes

I am blessed.

This Easter weekend I was planning on going home... but due to scheduling conflicts, it didn't quite work out. I wasn't completely bummed because Easter isn't as big of a deal as a holiday like Christmas... but I still wasn't completely thrilled with the thought of spending the day alone.

Fortunately that didn't happen at all, though. In the grand tradition of my amazing friends, my friend Lindsay invited me to go to church and have Easter dinner with her family. My friend, Danny, who's family is also not local joined us as well.

So we went to church this morning and it was great, then we headed to Lindsay's mom's house for Easter dinner. The group consisted of Lindsay's mom, her brother that is in the Military that drove 10 hours yesterday to be here with the family, his friend from Omaha Tawnia, Danny, Lindsay, Lindsay's mom's friend, and myself. Not that you needed to get an exact breakdown... but I found it so interesting that other than Lindsay, her brother, and her mom, none of us knew each other or have known each other for really any significant length of time and yet here we all were converged at this Easter dinner sharing stories, sharing our lives, and truly enjoying each other and the time we were spending together.

Being away from home, being independent and realizing that I am really a grown up isn't always the easiest thing to do... but in the last six months it has been reiterated time and time again that I am truly blessed.

Made You Look

I loooove things that smell good. I can never have enough lotions, perfumes, body sprays, body washes, etc. I have six crates of such items in my closet organized by the categories I just listed. Go ahead and add that to my list of other addictions: lip glosses, tanning, and coffee.

When falling in love with a new scent, I do not discriminate against its “gender”. Curve for men, for example, is one of my all time favorite scents. The “hot guy” smell is incredible… who wouldn’t want to smell that all day?!?

I feel sorry for other girls when I wear this scent though….

As you are standing in line at the grocery store, you hear someone walk up behind you and you smell that incredible smell…. Instantly you picture a beautiful man standing behind you. You turn around, slowly, as to not be too obvious.

And, what do you see??? ME! Haha!

And so it begins

I am 26 years old. I have a job, I pay bills, I am capable and competent. I am independent. I can go to dinner and a movie by myself and feel sexy about it.......... and I have a pit in my stomach the size of Texas.

This pit of stress and anxiety is because the time has come and tonight is supposed to be the first......

Storm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I moved into my apartment in September of last year, so living alone was no problem at all; storm season had passed. Now what am I going to do? Try to make friends with my weird neighbors that have a mat in front of their door that says, "Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit... look who's here!!!!".... I don't think so. I have had some offers from some skanky guys that "will come over and keep me safe"... but that doesn't sound appealing either...... frankly, that might even scare me more...

Do you think that I might just have to *gasp* be an adult and get over my fear?!?!?! I am biting my finger nails just thinking about it..... Today is the first official day of spring, which means that I have to make it though approximately 6 months of this.

I am screwed.

Not the typical "Girl" reaction

My new office has a spectacular view of a retention pond... or as I like to call it, a river. Well, it melted this week and is the new hot spot for millions (maybe a hundred or so) ducks and geese.

I walked in yesterday and say them all out there, and for some reason, I just wanted to shoot at them.......



Perhaps I have some aggression issues that need to be addressed............

Just Getting Stuff Done!

I had a super stressful and crazy week last week, so all I wanted to do this weekend was sleep in. Apparently that is impossible for me to do. I have no idea why, but it sure does piss me off sometimes!

It seems like no matter what time I go to bed, I am still up no later than 8 or 8:30 each day.

This does nothing for my “Me/Relax” time, but wonders for my To Do list. Sunday I popped right out of bed did laundry, vacuumed my floors (that had been vacuumed the day before), dusted everything (that I am pretty sure had just been dusted the day or two before), went and washed and vacuumed my car, came home and detailed the inside of my car, more laundry, ironed, went to the gym, etc. etc. etc.

So much for all of my daydreams of lying on the couch and doing absolutely nothing all weekend!

I am sooo ready for summer so I can get out of my apartment and use my energy on other things… you know, like laying out!

Sexy Sassy Saturday

A little visual treat to help get us in the mood for summer. Have a good weekend!

Reason # 57

Why I shouldn't be a mother...

A girl in my office and I were just talking about how hard it would be to leave your child after maternity leave, day care, etc.

At one point I said, "Why don't you just kennel them...".

The problem is not as much what as I said, as how it didn't register right away in my head that that really wasn't an option.....

Not a good sign.

Land of the Living

Ok... perhaps that is a little dramatic of a title, but I for sure thought I was going to die last week. I felt worse than I have felt in years. I was all types of feeling sorry for myself too! It is hard being sick, but when you are sick four hours from anyone that would lay in bed with your sick ass and rub your head... it is even harder! When I finally went to the doctor, he was being so gentle and nice, I just wanted to lay my head on his chest and have him hold me. For obvious reasons I refrained. But I was not happy about it!

So now, other than I have a snot truck parked in my nose, I am feeling much better!!! (I am sure you wanted to hear that!!)

Yesterday I was working really hard to get caught up with work stuff. I was working on one particular problem for a long time and I never left my computer... well, when I got up, I noticed that my black marker was under my butt, opened!!! It is just a little sharpie one, so I guess I didn't notice it. Anyway, so I had two huge black ink stains on the ass of my pants!!! And it was only like 2:00! Luckily, I had enough going on in my office to keep me planted for most of the day, and when I got up to leave most of the others had gone... My favVictoria Secret Khaki work pants are ruined though!

(My Microsoft Paint version!!!)

So, I went to the mall and a casino (I have an explanation!) with Apes last night, so I ran home changed into jeans really fast and we took off. Well later that night I got home, did what everybody does when they get home... ditched my clothes... and was doing some stuff around my apartment. Well, I passed a mirror and freaked the hell out! I was like, "What is on my ass!!!"... the ink had apparently spread to my skin, but I had forgotten about it.... So for a second I thought I had two giant new black moles on my ass!

Luckily that is not the case!

I feel like....

Crap. And, I sound like I have smoke about two packs a day since I was twelve. I am miserable!! It is definitely times like this that I want to revert back to childhood. So, I can lay on the couch and have my momma take care of me! Man, those were the days!

So, the date was a flop. Every time Blow Job opened his mouth I just wanted to say, "Prove it!". He was quite the full of shitter. And, all they could come up with was dinner and a bar. Real original, boys!! Oh well. You win some, you lose some...

Well, I am going to dream about crawling under my desk right now and going to sleep!

I'm gonna make you work-make you work work-make you work!!

Last Saturday night the Juice Singles Crew had to go on a pub crawl. I don't know if I divulged the full details of the Santa Pub Crawl... but needless to say, it is a great night and details are always sketchy.

On the most recent crawl, Melissa and I met two boys that were on our bus and hung out with them most of the night. They were pretty cute and super nice. There was only one little problaimo... the guy I was talking to is named BJ... this might be ok for the normal person, but for me, I just wanted to yell out Blow Job, like I had tourettes, ever time I heard his freaking name....

Melissa being the good friend that she is joined right on in this past week and has shown support by nicknaming her Nick, Dick.

So, Blow job and Dick are taking us out tonight on a date. Blow Job called me earlier and asked what we wanted to do or what we had in mind... and instantly I was reminded of my mother. She once told me that a boy picked her up for a date and asked her the same question, she said she got out of that car and told him, "If you don't have a plan for me, than I am not going to waste my time with you!!"... So, in honor of my mother I said, "I have been making decisions all day... so tonight, you and Nick (in my mind thinking Dick) have to make all the plans, and they better be good! Call me to tell me what time I need to be ready!" And I promptly hung up the phone.

Now, we shall see!!!!!

Mail Call!

Joe from Juice: You got a letter here from Johnny Letterwriter*. The mail room opens things, but we haven't read it. I can give it to you when you come in for your video, unless you want it sooner.

Charlie-Girl: I have no idea who that is... I am curious now! You can read it if you want... otherwise I can just pick it up later.

Joe from Juice: We gave it a read. Let's just say, you probably won't want this guy for a date.

Charlie-Girl: Haha! No way, was it mean? Or was he just weird?

Joe from Juice: Just weird. Unless you're in 42 year old dudes who write seven page letters that include details about burning a bag of popcorn at work, a friend's son being charged with murder and your sense of humor in the same paragraph.

Wow, I think they found my ideal!! What was his number again?!!?!?

*Names have been changed to protect the insane... I mean innocent.

Weekend Wrap Up

It is cold here in Des Moines!!!! That didn't stop up from having a great weekend though!

Friday night I was zapped from a crazy work week... so I stayed in and watched Pretty Woman, not once... but twice!

Feeling very well rested from the night before, I picked up my friend Lisa and she and I met April for Body Pump Saturday morning. Being the go getters that we are Lisa and I left the first gym to go to our favorite gym and finish our work out. By the time I got home at 1:30, I was exhausted! I did something that I never do.... I took a nap and it felt sooooo awesome! At about 5 the phone started ringing to confirm plans for the evening. Every single person that I talked to had also just woken up from a nap.... I guess everyone needed a little extra down time! We all met at Christina Aguilera's house (the real name of the restaurant is El Aguila Real... but none of us can say that right...) for Mexican and margaritas and then went out for the night! Very fun evening!

Sunday morning, even though I kind of felt like I wanted to die, I made it to church with Tammy! There is this super hot guy that is in the choir and Tammy and I both fell in love with him for a minute when he sang his solo. I noticed that he was wearing a wedding ring.... Tammy said not to worry, that he was just married to Jesus, not a real girl. I think that is probably not the case at all, he probably has an equally super hot wife, but her story makes it easier to swoon while he sings. We had to high tail it out of church quickly so Tammy's church stalker with orange eyebrows didn't stop us... but all in all it was a good service.

Tammy and I met Ryan for lunch and then I went into the office for a couple of hours... I met up with them again at Tammy's house later that night for a movie and a rousing game of scrabble, it was a great ending to a great weekend.

This week is the week that my "Des Moines Single's Crew" pic graces the cover of Juice... I am pretty nervous and excited about that. It comes out on Wednesday. Be sure to check it out at http://www.dmjuice.com/. I am pretty sure that there will be quite a few pics from the cover shoot, our videos, and our bios that will be printed... I am not gonna lie, I am kind of freaking out about that!! I haven't seen any pictures, I know what I said in the interviews, but no idea what they are going to print, and I am pretty sure that I probably looked and sounded like a dumbass in my video... but we shall see. The first event is "The Science of Compatibility and Chocolate" at the Science Center of Iowa. It is a speed dating event.... Oh lord! I will be sure to keep you posted.

Last, but certainly not lease, it is a very special week for a very gorgeous girl! Happy birthday week, Ms. Chelsea!!!

Fair Warning!

To all of my potential would be suitors out there... As fabulous as it feels to get flowers, they die. Please send me jewelry.

My very own little Eskimo, how fun!

There is a little man outside of my window that looks exactly like an eskimo. He is shoveling the snow... how very appropriate!

I was so caught up in the fact that there was such a cute little Eskimo outside of my window that I must have just been staring at him... He caught me. Now he won't leave. He is a little Eskimo shoveling sidewalk!

I know, I know... I dropped the ball

I haven't blogged for so long. My sincerest apologies. With the end of the year and end of fourth quarter... work has been kicking my ass. But, January is over and while I am not 100% caught up yet, I am not quite as stressed. And my Aunt said that she would also kick my ass, if I didn't get it in gear;))

January was just a crappy month, I think. I don't like to generalize such a large amount of time as being crappy... but it was!

Work was crazy, the weather was shitty, I popped my pelvis out of place at the end of the month so my back hurt, my wisdom tooth decided it wanted to try to make an appearance in my mouth so my jaw swelled up... I was a damn mess!!!

I am not kidding, I went to tan the other day after I went to the gym, and the whole time I was in the bed my mind was just swimming with stuff that I needed to do or things going on... so the bed goes off, I get dressed and go home. I walked in and went to take off my gym clothes and noticed that my shorts look really weird. Most of my gym shorts have like spandex lining in them, well apparently I was not thinking about what I was actually doing, so when I got dressed I put my shorts on inside out. So the spandex lining was on the outside. Think about this... the tight spandex lining, showing all the creases and lumps from the outside layer of the shorts and the tag sticking out of my ass like a little white tail!!!! Not to mention when I left the tanning salon there was about 5 people standing in the lobby. Nice!

But, now it is a new month and I have new fun things going on... so I will try not to neglect you anymore!

My friend and I were talking about a month or so ago about this "Singles Crew" thing that a magazine here in Des Moines does. Well on a whim I answered some questions and sent in my picture and then kind of forgot I did it. Well, they called me back to come in for some pictures and a video. My crazy ass did it. A couple of days later, my phone rang and sure enough, I made the crew... so, I went in last Saturday for a photo shoot and to meet the three other people. They had hair and make up people there, and the other people were so nice! So, February is starting on a high note and some of the events we have to do, such as speed dating, sound like a lot of fun... I will definitely have some stories about this adventure!

So, you are pretty much all caught up!

Des Moines is under about eight inches of snow right now. I had to clean off my entire car this morning with a CD case because my scraper mysteriously vanished after my last trip to Peoria... So, I am just going to sit here and day dream about summer time.

Enjoy your day!

Here is a cute pic of my girlfriends and I on Saturday night... blowing off some steam!

Jetsetter

I am very happy to announce that I have two awesome trips booked for 2008. A sequel to one of the greatest vacations I ever took with my Aunt, Uncle, and Cousins to Cancun, and a fun trip with friends to Vegas!!!

Considering how busy and stressful this month has been... having something great to look forward to is wonderful!

Speaking of busy and stressful... I know I haven't blogged much lately, but I promise, I will be back on track soon!

Friday Fun

The lesser of two evils... quick, pick one!

OCD

I have mentioned that I kind of have an addictive personality when it comes to certain things. Specifically tanning, lip gloss, and coffee. While this is better than snorting, shooting, and turning tricks... they aren't the most healthy habits (Ok, maybe lip gloss isn't bad... but you get the point). I started thinking about this when a friend at work mentioned that if she has bottled water at her desk, she drinks several glasses a day... but if she has a glass of water rather than the bottle, she doesn't even touch it. I realized I don't drink any water during the day at all, only coffee, and the only reason why I drink water at night is because trying to maneuver hot liquid into my mouth on a treadmill is kind of dangerous...

Anyway. Kind of related and kind of not... I am starting to notice that I have weird OCD type tendencies towards other things as well... such as the other night, I could not fall asleep, at all, until I changed the toilet paper roll in the bathroom. It was low... maybe could have gone another round or two... but in my head it was going to totally slow me down the next morning if I didn't change it. Then, last night I stopped to get gas and then went to tan. I saved my receipt from the gas station to record in my check register and I couldn't even get in the tanning bed until I not only recorded it, but balanced it out... I have always (in my adult life) been one to make sure everything is ironed and ready for the next day, and I even get my coffee and cup ready, so all I have to do is push the button and pour... But even I can see that these things are a bit much.

Hmmm.... Well, anyway, it is about time to go so I should probably turn the light on and off three times, close the door twice, and get out of here!

NAMASTE

I have been getting kind of board with my normal gym routine, so last night I decided to change it up. I left work and went straight to Step class, then Abs, then Body Pump, and ended my night with an hour long yoga work out.

Prior to this, I think I may have tried yoga once with a DVD in my living room and threw my back out, so I never tried again. It was totally like you see on TV. Dimly lit lights, relaxing music, earth loving people in the lotus pose cleaning their aura with deep breathing…. It was kind of crazy. I didn’t care though, I was all about it. I took my sweaty shoes and socks (Yum, huh) off and joined right in. I am not gonna lie though, the first time I did the “Swan Dive” into “Downward Dog” move, I for sure felt like a dumb ass.

I was just waiting for someone to fart… and concentrating on it not being me!!!!

A Winter Adventure

Just when I thought I hated the Midwest and the frigid temperatures that we deal with here, my friends introduced me to the most fun place ever... and it is right here in Des Moines. It is called Sleepy Hollow and it is a Ski/Snowboarding/Snow Tubing place.

There was a wait when we first got there, so since we were all bundled up like little snow bunnies, we got some hot chocolate and sat outside to enjoy the day. Before long our names were called and off we went for our tubing adventure.



It was soooo much fun! I can honestly say it was the first time I have enjoyed the winter weather since I had to put my favorite sundress away!

Who Knew?

I think I have shopped for a good pair of Khakis my entire life and have never found a pair that I actually liked. They either fit and were too short or did fit and were long enough or... I don't know, something was just always wrong.

So, Victoria's Secret had a pair that I really liked. I have never ordered anything online and with my track record would be taking a huge chance by not trying them on... but shipping was free so I threw caution to the wind. I got them and shockingly, they were great.

Side note: The reason why it is an even bigger deal to me than the average person, is that for some reason I have a hatred for returns. I am not all about returning things.

Recently, I saw a swim suit on Victoria's Secret website that was so cute... khaki pants were a risk... but I think every woman in the world would agree that a swim suit is something that definitely needs to be contemplated in a dressing room... by yourself, several friends, and perhaps a Polaroid. I did it though, I took a chance and ordered it. I got it today, tried it on, and guess what... Perfect!!! Thank Goodness.

Turns out not trying stuff on the way to go!!!!

On Holiday

I took the holiday season very literally and did as little as I possibly could... which is why I haven't blogged in quite some time. Not to mention I didn't leave my apartment all that much, so nothing really crazy or exciting happened.

I do apologize and am trying to get back in the routine... both in blogging and letting the crazy back in!