Welcome Home, Dear CHI

Goodbye Mufasa, hellllooooooo breakage.

Man, am I glad to have my normal, flatter hair back. No more dancing around the Pride Lands, letting my mane fly in the wind…

I don’t mind that I have to tame my fly-aways with lip gloss in my rear view. I don’t even mind that I have a pea sized bald spot, because I got a little overzealous with the tweezers and about 20 hairs that just wouldn’t sit down…

That is just a small price that girls like me and Chaka Khan have to pay for the sleek look.

So Fast

It is funny to me how quickly I go from single/independent/strong/no nonsense woman to little sister/daddy's girl/baby/big sister... Home just does that to me. Every time. No matter how much I try to fight it.

Within about three minutes of being home, my brother was jacking me in the arm. I am sure that he wanted me to think that he was super tough... but what I really knew was that he missed me. And, a few days later, when I was getting ready to head back here and he put me in a full nelson to show me how it was really done, I knew it was because he was going to miss me. Although, he would never admit it.

When I was guarding the door while my brothers were wrapping my parents pillows with wrapping paper, and putting ornaments in their sheets as a special surprise for when they went to bed... and when I helped my mom take down the Christmas tree, only to put it back up in my dad's art studio (even though it was too big for him and the tree to fit into at the same time)... going to back to my life in Des Moines was the farthest thing from my mind.

Shopping with my mamma, pedis with my sister, fighting about how long it takes me to get ready with my brother, hanging out with my dad, encouraging my little brother to do things that make my mom crazy just because I think it is funny, seeing my favorite aunt/uncle and cousins... That is exactly what I needed.

Jab-Cross-Hook-Kick-F&*%

I am pretty sure there is a good chance that I broke my foot last night at Kickboxing… Ok, I may be being a bit dramatic, because really I probably wouldn’t be able to walk, but it sure felt like I broke it when it happened and it actually doesn’t feel a whole lot better.

I was just working out like normal, when out of my peripheral I saw my work out buddy Scott doing some fancy kick thing, so of course I thought I would be jazzy and try it… well. It didn’t work. Instead, I kicked the base of the bag (hard/heavy/thick plastic) with full force. Then I jumped around for a while cussing. Then I stared at my awesome new knotted up bruised foot and thought about how cool and tough I am. Then I cussed a bit more. Then I continued my work out (I hopped on one foot a lot and avoided the kicks).

As we were leaving class a couple of people said I should probably head to the ER to get it x-ray’d… but, that wasn’t option. You wanna know why? First, I haven’t had a pedicure in about two months. Second, my legs hadn’t been shaved that day. Ok, or the day before… shut up. I am single. It’s cold outside, I have been wearing pants. Oh, seriously, I am not going to justify myself to you! There was no way I was going to see a doctor in my condition.

So, I decided to go home, ice/elevate, paint my toe nails and shave my legs and then address my orthopedic issue if I was still in pain.

Today, I am a bit better, however the nice numb feeling I had last night has disappeared and I am certainly more aware of the problem. This could also be because I am wearing pointy toe’d high heels. My bruise is seriously awesome and I am sure if it was sandal season, people would be really impressed with how tough I am; as the weather is currently not lending itself to me flaunting my wound, I am just having to tell people about it, which definitely mitigates my toughness…

I probably won’t go to the doctor today… but if I did, I am happy to report, I have beautifully manicured toes and deliciously smooth legs.

Sista Sista

See this beautiful little babycakes here... this is my little sister. She is seriously precious.

And, she is coming to stay with me this weekend!!!!!! I can hardly wait!

She has only been here once. Maybe twice... Well, I can't exactly remember, but the point is, she is coming again! Yay!!!!

Here are a few reasons why I love her...

1.) She understands that there is little else in the world that drives me as crazy as eating and drinking noises and makes a serious effort to not make either. She takes the ittiest bittiest little bites of food, so as not to make any accidental crunches.

2.) Even though she is growing up so quickly into a beautiful, mature, well spoken woman, I still remember when she was a little babycakes running around in the ridiculously frilly dresses, bonnets and ankle socks we used to put her in. I was her "other mother" and I am so proud of who she has become.

ok, that was a serious one... sorry, I had to. I have moments too.

3.) She, like me, has an obsession with lotions, sprays and perfumes. So, the fact that together we may smell like a giant strip club, doesn't mitigate the fact that we smell delicious.

I could go on and on...

But, the point is... even though my windshield cracked from one side of my car to the other, work is crazy and this week seems to be lasting for-ev-er... I don't even care, because on Friday, my baby sister will be here. Waaahooooooooo!

**Chelsea... if you happen to be reading this, please pack snow suit, because it happens to be about -5 right now and we are not expecting a heat way. **

***Chelsea... if you happened to read the above statement and decided not to come... I was just kidding. No, really. Kidding.***

Thanks - Here Is A Napkin...

I left my apartment this morning with such determination. Determination and a broom and a dustpan.

What? You saw the pictures... I don't own a shovel, what was I supposed to use, my hands?!

Turns out removing large amounts of snow, when it is six below zero, with a dustpan, probably isn't the most effective way to go.

Luckily a nice neighbor drove by and decided that I needed a little help. No, not to shovel... just a little neighborly advice as he took big puffs of his cigar. Uh huh. A cigar. At 7:30 in the morning.

"I think your best bet is going to be to just get in and reverse and then go forward and keep doing that until you get out..."

Um... I don't know if you have noticed, but I can't get in the driver's side...

Oh, that's ok... just crawl in the passenger side. I will stay here and make sure you make it...

I bet you will, stupid. Watch me crawl though my car with my snow covered hooker boots... He was being nice, though, and I didn't want things to get awkward. So, I went with it.

Luckily, after a quick show of flexibility and a whole lot of reversing and going forward, I got her out!

Then, to my surprise, the nice cigar smokin' man offered to stay and help me scrape my car!

After a few minutes of scraping I looked up to notice a nice steady stream of drool hanging from this mans mouth. I am not talking a little slobber, I am talking a four to six inch drool line, just waiting to drop on my windshield.

That was when I decided that this man had served his purpose. I have a weak stomach in the morning and the cigar smell coupled with the disgusting brownish drool juice hanging from his face was way too much for me to handle.

I kindly thanked him, quickly got in my car, fumbled with my seat belt/blackberry/coffee... anything to kill time until he drove away.

Then, I got out and finished the job.

Ooooooh The Weather Outside Is Frightful...

This was the scene outside my apartment last night...

And then this when I opened my door this morning

I was not excited about this... until I heard I had a SNOW DAY!!!!! The entire city shut down and while my office wasn't officially closed, my team was able to stay home.

Can you believe that I had a slumber party and snow day all in the same week...

Hello... Charlie-girl, this is the sixth grade calling!!!!

I loved it!

Unfortunately though, this is what is going on now

See that car there... the one on the end, the one with the snow covering the driver side?! Yep, that one is mine and since I don't have a shovel I am going to try to spend the rest of my evening not dreading tomorrow mornings dig out.

*Making mental note to purchase a shovel and boots that do not have heels on them.*

Man, if only this really was sixth grade... then I could just lovingly watch my dad from the window making sure everything was cleared off and ready to go...

Monday Mania

I feel like whenever you get invited to a party, you should always be as festive as possible... which is why I wore my Ms. Claus outfit to my group of friends' holiday sleep over this weekend!

I know what you are thinking.. should we be more concerned with her wearing things like that in public... or the fact that a group of... well, let's just say, upper twenty year olds, had a sleep over!?!

And, while you are addressing things we should be concerned about... don't be concerned with the shirt of the cutie standing next to me... he doesn't really wear cotton turtlenecks, he was just tryin to add a little holiday jazz to his wardrobe too.

Anyway, moving on to other Monday items I need to discuss. It is that time of year again... I guess I can't complain too much, even though that is precisely what I want to do, because it is December and we are just now having to talk about this. But, stupid Des Moines is about to get a stupid snow storm. Ok, I don't really think Des Moines is stupid, but I am dreading this impending inclement weather doom. Driving in the snow seriously terrifies me. I am not good at driving in perfect conditions, there is just too much to do... like find and put on lip gloss, read my texts messages, dance to the radio, change clothes on the way to the gym, etc. So throw snow in the mix and we have ourselves a big problem. Strangely being distracted is not even my problem, I actually become the complete opposite of my normal driving self during weather issues and become that person that causes accidents because I am going approximately 23 miles per hour on the high way...

It is coming tomorrow. Eight to twelve inches. Wish me luck. I will be pacing until then.

Now... onto what I really wanted to talk about. Back in July I blogged about how I was becoming a bit of a blog stalker. Well, as it turned out, I didn't reel myself in as I had intended and I commented on a seriously beautiful picture Reagan posted... and you will never guess what, she and her husband have both commented back!! More than once!

I know you are all saying in your head right now, "get over it Charlie-girl... really! Who cares?!"

Um, Me! I am practically starstruck right now!

So, while this week's impending snow storm doom may totally suck and I may be tired from my grown up holiday slumber party, I am still in a great mood, because I just made three new friends in New York City... Jake, Reagan and the adorable Ms. Pipster! Whoo hoo!

Where's The Remote?!

I spent last Monday evening watching the A & E network and it has taken me until today to get over the nauseous feeling that doing so caused.


First, I watched Intervention. Since it was my childhood dream to be a Cop/teacher/dolphin trainer (but for the sake of this post, let’s just stick with Cop only), you would think watching people shoot up and destroy their lives would phase me… well, it did. I was so conflicted. On one hand, I was so happy that my only addictions are Strawberry Bliss lip gloss and coffee, but on the other hand, I was so heartbroken for those people and the disease of true addiction they face every day.


Next, I made the horrible, horrible mistake of watching Hoarders. Please excuse me while I walk away and deep breath through the urge to puke… It was probably the grossest thing I have ever seen. Maybe because I am a compulsive cleaner/germaphobe and maybe just because it was plain old effin sick. The lady they featured had two dead and rotting cats in her living room. Yes, dead and rotting… that she just didn’t notice. Oh no… Please excuse me again while I go deep breath. I am not even exaggerating when I say that I was so disgusted and nauseated when I went to bed that night.


I know that the stuff you read, listen to and watch can get into your system and affect you and Monday night seriously did just that. I have been thinking about it all week and only now am I able to write about it.


I thought about writing a letter to the Network…


Dear A & E… Your shows are depressing and make me want to throw up. That is how I would start the letter.


But, then I thought they would probably write one back to me…


Dear Charlie – Girl… Change the channel.


And, with that, I decided to keep my letter writing to myself.

Ho Ho Ho

In honor of the Holiday Season, I would like to wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas (Yes, Christmas, because this is Jesus’ birthday), but because I don’t want to judge, I will also wish you all a very happy whatever it is you celebrate and invite you all to go to church with me on Christmas Eve. Additionally, I would like to post my wish list! I realize that my wish list is probably not high on your priority list, I also realize that gift giving is not the reason for the season and finally I realize that it is the thought that counts. But, let’s be honest… this is my blog, so while my wish list is probably not high on your priority list it is high up on mine. Second, gift giving is not the reason for the season, but we all do it anyway and lastly, the thought does count, so I am going to give you something to think about.

So, now that we have gotten all of that out of the way…

1.) A watch. Not an expensive, fancy watch… just a practical silver watch with actual numbers on the face. My mind apparently doesn’t work fast enough to process the time without the numbers.

2.) A CHI. For those of you that do not know what a CHI is, you clearly don’t have horse hair, like me… that is pretty much the only straightening tool that will allow me to remotely flatten this hot mess that sits on my head.

3.) A BIG thing of Laundry Detergent and Fabric Softener (the good kind, that I get to pick out). Yes… this may seem like a silly request, but I am one cheap chick and so instead of getting a big thing of the good kind that smells yummy, I always get the mini Purex detergent and Walmart brand softener. Just once I want to pull my towels out and bury my face in the delicious smell of something like Gainful Expressions… and not have to pick up mini bottles every time I go to Walmart. And, while we are at it, maybe a gigantic thing of Toilet Paper too… also something that I have to pick up on every trip, because while the 4 packs do not last very long, they are only a dollar.

4.) My brakes fixed and if you are a man or know about automotive repair, this can be a very inexpensive gift. It will require some elbow grease and big garage though, unless you want to freeze your booty off.

I don’t want to be self absorbed though, so if you would like to email/text/comment back with some of your wish list items, I will review and act on them accordingly.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Thanksgiving Treat

I was honored to be a guest at a friends Thanksgiving Dinner this year and so I decided to make a special treat. At the risk of having you read another blog and realizing mine is kind of dumb... I have to mention that I found this recipe off Bakerella.com. Her treats look so awesome, I just had to try a recipe.

See what I mean... I knew if I could pull this off, I would be a total hit at the party.

First, I had to make a quick trip to the store to pick up all the items needed... and because I generally stock my fridge with beer and condiments, that meant I had to pick up eggs and oil and everything!!

Then, on to the challenge. Channel my inner Bakerella to make this delicious, but more importantly in my mind, pretty treat. Looks are very important when it comes to showing up at a party, after all!

Sadly, this is what I ended up with.

No! These are not Swedish Meatballs!

They may not look as nice and fancy as Bakerellas, but they were delicious and for a girl that stocks her fridge with beer and condiments and hasn't made anything that didn't involve a microwave or veggies in a bag in an incredibly long time, I think that was one hell of a effort!