Thanks - Here Is A Napkin...

I left my apartment this morning with such determination. Determination and a broom and a dustpan.

What? You saw the pictures... I don't own a shovel, what was I supposed to use, my hands?!

Turns out removing large amounts of snow, when it is six below zero, with a dustpan, probably isn't the most effective way to go.

Luckily a nice neighbor drove by and decided that I needed a little help. No, not to shovel... just a little neighborly advice as he took big puffs of his cigar. Uh huh. A cigar. At 7:30 in the morning.

"I think your best bet is going to be to just get in and reverse and then go forward and keep doing that until you get out..."

Um... I don't know if you have noticed, but I can't get in the driver's side...

Oh, that's ok... just crawl in the passenger side. I will stay here and make sure you make it...

I bet you will, stupid. Watch me crawl though my car with my snow covered hooker boots... He was being nice, though, and I didn't want things to get awkward. So, I went with it.

Luckily, after a quick show of flexibility and a whole lot of reversing and going forward, I got her out!

Then, to my surprise, the nice cigar smokin' man offered to stay and help me scrape my car!

After a few minutes of scraping I looked up to notice a nice steady stream of drool hanging from this mans mouth. I am not talking a little slobber, I am talking a four to six inch drool line, just waiting to drop on my windshield.

That was when I decided that this man had served his purpose. I have a weak stomach in the morning and the cigar smell coupled with the disgusting brownish drool juice hanging from his face was way too much for me to handle.

I kindly thanked him, quickly got in my car, fumbled with my seat belt/blackberry/coffee... anything to kill time until he drove away.

Then, I got out and finished the job.