Family Time

It's Christmas Eve!! Merry Christmas!

This isn't going to mean as much to you guys, because you probably didn't even know there was a problem... but my big brother made it home! Yay! We thought he was going to be stuck in London, because Heathrow doesn't know how to deal with snow... but this little presh Christmas miracle made it home!

So, we're all home, safe and sound. The snow is falling outside, the tree is all lit, I have yet to start my Christmas Shopping... Things are exactly as they should be.

Being with the family reminds me of all the things I love about them. Like that in the morning, when we are all sitting around the table drinking coffee and talking, my mom can say something that will make me laugh so hard that I spit my coffee across the table. And, that unlike most families that would probably be horrified... mine just points and laughs at me... and then continues with whatever they were talking about.

And, I love that when I am home I get to sleep with my little snuggly spider monkey sister; that crawls into bed and instantly attaches herself to my side. I don't love it when the spider monkey snores in my ear... but certain things can get overlooked, I suppose.

Do you wanna know what is harder to overlook though?! That if you even look in the direction of the bathroom, that instantly three people run towards it, so as not to get the last shower. People have been wounded during this fight. Yesterday I lost...

I guess I can make it through a few cold showers though... because the rest of it is pretty damn good.

Touche

There are not a lot of things that I can complain about at my apartment complex... it has it's issues, but I love the area, so they are overlooked. Pretty much the only thing that pisses me off is the parking situation. It sucks ass.

If I get home after 7:00 at night, I can forget about parking anywhere close to the door. And, there was this one a-hole that always took up two spaces because he was a moron and couldn't make it between the lines. But, I took the liberty to help him out a bit and thankfully that is almost a non issue!

Well, last night, I got home at about midnight, which of course would mean that I would have to park forever away... but it was way to cold for all of that. So, I parked in the lined spot next to the handicap spot. You know the waste space, that provides extra room? There was no one parked in the handicap spot, so what was the extra room for, right?! And, since I was not actually parked in the handicap spot, I couldn't get a ticket, right?!

Well, I may not be able to get a ticket, but, turns out, I am now the recipient of my own little helpful hint letter!

This is what it says:

MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE TO PARK!

You neglected to read the signs and parked in the wrong category. Everybody has to live in this world, not just you. Exercise some consideration when you leave your large hunk of metal in this public space!

I TOTALLY LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To which I respond...

Dear Letter Leaver:

While I am not sure I share your passion for making the world a "better place to park", you are right and I shouldn't have parked where I parked. In my defense, there actually wasn't a sign for that particular "category" as you refer to it.

You are also right that I am not the only one in this world and I should be more considerate. Have you been talking to my friend Rynoplasty? He always tells me the same thing... but it's usually not because I parked in the wrong category... he must also not share you passion for the betterment of world parking.

Anyway. The point is, I am sorry and unless it is like seriously, seriously cold out, I won't park in the waste space.

I do have just one request for you though... that large hunk of metal has a name. It's Camry. Show some respect.

Yours Truly - Charlie Girl!

Christmas Business

In my family we know that the true meaning of Christmas is Jesus' Birthday. We even bake a special little birthday cake for the precious little baby in swaddling clothes...

But, when it comes to presents, we don't eff around.

By way of example, I will share a little email exchange amongst my family members.

Original email from my brother:

I know we're all very busy persons who could use a bit of suggestive inspiration to further accentuate our holiday shopping. As such, I propose that we follow a form similar to yuletides of yorn and compose a collective, though perhaps not comprehensive, wish list for "Santa's" consideration.

I'm sure we'd all completely appreciate our stockings being chocked full of lottery tickets and beef jerky again this year, but in case you crave variety, here's a chance to solicit something different.

Here's my list of hopeful items to find stashed under the tree...

Apple Magic Trackpad, Apple Wireless Keyboard, Microsoft Arc Touch Mouse, some AA batteries, double knot silver cufflinks, ties and, of course, aged single malt whiskey.

I've even included pics of the trackpad, keyboard, arctouch mouse and cufflinks. Charlie, if you've already ordered that Russian bride for me, you might as well not send her back.

Now, let's hear all of yours.

My response to the family:

Thank you for that list, brother. The Russian has been ordered, so I guess that gets me out of buying you the batteries.

Needs: Work clothes, a really good pair of jeans, black pointy toed heels. Please do not buy any of these items without me though, because it is imperative that I am there and authorize the item being purchased. I plan on being home on Thursday the 23rd, but would be happy to go shopping with any of your on the Sunday following Christmas to save you some money *read: allow you to buy me more things for the original amount of money that you intended to spend*.

Wants: A new purse, any type of body spray/lotion/perfume (please get matching sets of the same flavor and perfume purchases need to be accompanied by the lotions or they will be rendered useless), lip gloss (any flavor, but grapefruit... it reminds me of cat piss).

Well, alrighty then... that should do it for me.

The others have yet to respond... they will though, don't you worry. This is serious.

That Is How To Wrangle 'Em In.......

The other evening I invited a Gentleman over for dinner and a movie; I decided to make him a Chinese feast. Some girls, far more impressive than me, would have sliced and diced veggies and made homemade egg rolls... and for the record, I do know how to do all of those things... and I had good intentions, but I just couldn't fit it in. So instead, PF Chang and I created a skillet dinner for two out of a bag. Furthermore, my rice was microwaved and the egg rolls were popped into the oven about 10 minutes before he arrived... One Miller Light tall boy and a whole bunch of 10 minute, frozen food later... dinner was served.

I would also like to make a special note that while the skillet dinner was a great idea, in my opinion, I should potentially get a lid for said cooking utensil should I opt to go the bag route again...

Luckily, that portion of the food preparation was finished before he got there.

Either he is one hell of an actor or he actually seemed to enjoy the dinner... and even invited me out to meet him and his friend for a drink last night after my flight got in.

Pause: I typically don't drink during the week, but. This was a special situation... I had spent about 20 hours in airports in 48 hours and after 6 ridiculous flights, when I finally landed in Des Moines... my luggage was in Denver. So. With that, bottoms up.

Unpause: So, he and his friend are sitting in a booth and as I join them, my coat must have caught the table cloth. As I scooted... so did the place settings and their drinks, etc. This poor guy invites me to meet his best friend and I take the whole damn table out!

After the world class dinner I prepared and taking out the table, if I would have laughed really hard and accidental farted, I feel like it would have just been par for the course.

If those aren't some sure fire ways to impress a guy... I don't know what the hell is.

As It Turns Out

I am not quite ready to not laugh at people when they fall on their ass in the snow. I know I said I would work on it, but, just not yet...

Instead, I am still focusing on making the best of the winter season and not complaining... And, really, how can I complain when I remembered that because of the snow, I get to bust out my very favorite winter boots!!!!!!

Oooooh yeah, deaaad sexy!

OK, these aren't actually my fav winter boots, they are replacements of lasts years lighter brown version. But, I wore those boots to a farm and stepped in cow shit... so they were not allowed back in my apartment.

Anyway, these cheapo ugmo boots are so great and I especially like to wear them like the picture indicates... sans pants, only inside of course... like when I am cleaning.

Such a hot freakin look, I know.

A Little Of This And A Little Of That

Check this little precious nugget out. Meet Olivia!

Ms. Olivia is my friends little babycakes and guess what?!?! Tonight, I get to keep her while her mamma and dad go to Mary Poppins! I am totally jealo that I don't get to go to Mary Poppins because I totally want to see that show.... but, a cozy night in with this chick!? I am so excited!

In other news... it finally happened. Today, for the first time this winter season, I had to scrape my car. I am really trying hard not to be a complainer, because it is the middle of December... but I haaaaaaaaaaate snow and I hate driving in it and I hate scraping it off my car and I hate it when the bottom of my too long jeans get wet and then it makes my legs cold.

Ok, I will go back to trying not to complain. In fact, I will think of good snow memories... like last year, when I got to see my stupid, jerk neighbor fall on his ass when he was walking to his car.

Today I work on trying not to complain, tomorrow, I work on trying to be nice and not laughing at people when they fall on their asses. I am a work in progress!

That's Just Not Me?!

You know how some girls are super creative and always seem to have things in order?! Like the girls that always give the perfect gift and bake for people just because and are always super thoughtful about stuff...

Well..... that is just not me!

I try really hard to get things in order at night so my morning goes smoothly, but inevitably it is necessary for me to drop the F Bomb at least twice before leaving my house. And, because of my lotion/spray habit, I generally have an unopened bottle of something I can throw in a bag on my way to a birthday party... But, I wouldn't exactly call that creative gift giving... and I never bake for anybody. In fact, if I do have cookie dough at my house, it is not going in the oven...

But even I knew I hit rock bottom today when I suggested to one baby maker in my office to just give one of the gifts she got at her baby shower today to another baby maker in our office at her shower... And it didn't immediately hit me that that probably wasn't a great idea.