Thursday, December 20, 2007

I Am Woman


Hear me Roar!!!!!!!!!!

I am very excited that in about two hours my new bedroom set is being delivered. I think that this is the very first brand new complete bedroom set that I have ever had. (Mom and dad, if that is not an accurate account of my wonderful childhood, I do apologize.)

Anyway… because it is being delivered today, I had to clear out my bedroom last night to make room. I busted out my tool set and took down the bed, then moved it all by myself to the living room. Then I moved my extremely heavy dresser, only after moving the extremely heavy TV off of it.

There were a few times when I was trying to get the screws out of the bed post that I was getting pissed and wanted to run to my phone and call the first male in the list… but nope! I handled my business.

Nothing is gonna stand in my way!!!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Easily Distracted



As I pointed out in my post yesterday, the walls at my office are paper thin. Most of the time it is not really a problem and I can stay focused... I don't know if it is because it is close to the holidays or what, but today I just couldn't stay focused. Every other conversation that was going on was totally distracting me.


It was about lunch time and since I happen to be out of groceries and didn't pack a lunch, I decided to go to this little Chinease place close by to sit and read through some work stuff. The lady sat me in a seat at the very back with only one table of people nearby. My plan was going to work, I thought! Nope, not so fast... I had just started reading the first document when I heard "He is a bipoloar meth addict"... Easily distracted or not, if you hear something like that, you are going to listen, right?!?! So, for about the next hour, I ate my hot and sour soup while listening to the most sordid family drama I have ever heard. Meth addicts, divorces, under acheiving sons that have exhausted their ability to borrow money... it was good!


I flipped the pages of my document, so as not to be too obvious... but very little work got accomplished.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Mad As a Hornet


Generally speaking, I don't really get in bad moods a lot. I get incredibly annoyed by really stupid things like eating noises, drinking noises, breathing heavy, smells, sneezing/coughing, etc... (I am not painting a very good picture of myself, it seems...) But, I just get annoyed by those things, I don't just walk around in a bad mood.

Today, though, I am just in a bad mood. Everything is making me want to pull my hair out. The fact that my office walls are paper thin and I can hear everything that is going on, I spilled coffee on my white shirt, I can't focus on anything, no body has called about my bed and dresser ad that I put on Craiglist, the weather is supposed to be shitty this weekend and that is going to screw up my holiday travel plans... UUUggghhhh....

It is a good thing I don't have any weird drug and/or alcohol additions... because today I would relapse.

And, really, for no reason at all. I need to just pull it together!


It's A Rental!


So, last Friday night was our work holiday party. This is the party that I had to buy a new, identical to all of my others, cocktail dress. Well, I ended up finding a great dress at White House/Black Market... the dress was way to expensive, as are pretty much all clothes at that store, but it was perfect for the night... so I splurged.


While at the restaurant for some reason, I lifted my leg up onto a chair. I think I did this to show a lady my pedicure, because she just showed me hers. In any case, when I lifted up my leg, I heard the dress rip just a little in the back where the little slit was. I really didn't think much of it. I do want to also say that I was careful to not show my vajayjay at the time of lifting the leg... just in case you wandered.


Anyway, back to the story, as the night progressed with getting into and out of the limo and lots and lots of dancing... my little rip continued to unravel. By the time I got home it wasn't a rip at all, the entire back seam of the dress had unraveled. If I had taken down the zipper of the dress the only thing connecting the back would just be the zipper thing. The seam was entirely disconnected and I must say that my ass was entirely exposed. Thankfully this didn't happen all at one time, just little by little... so it didn't slow down my night at all... (It probably should have because as I said, by the time I got home I was completely exposed... but whatev).


In light of this wardrobe malfunction I called the store yesterday and they said I could exchange the dress. But, when I took the dress back I asked if I could just have my money back... after all, I didn't want to chance getting the same dress and having the seam unravel again, right!?!? She said that was fine! So, I got to wear a great dress to a party and then take it back for a full refund. Because the seam issue didn't slow me down at all, I still had a great time, and because of my unnecessary requirement to buy a new dress for every event anyway...this turned out to be the perfect situation!!!


Thursday, December 13, 2007

A Life Lesson

I was reading a friend’s Myspace page and she posted a blog about funny things that involve her and her family members. She said something about how she used to sing into a recorder and listen to her voice and then delete it…

This made me think of something funny, but something that I actually think about quite often.

When I was like 8 or 9 years old... maybe a little older but not much, we had this mail lady named Rosie. I thought she was so cool. I have no idea why. Anyway, I wanted to give her something really cool. So, I spent hours (This is my memory, so it could have actually been about 20 minutes or so) recording myself singing church songs into a cassette tape for her. I then packaged the tape with a note in a big envelope so I could draw a really pretty picture on the front. Also on the front of the envelope I put, “To My Freind Rosie”. I was just about to take it out to the mailbox for her to find when out of no where, my older brother confiscated the package. I don’t think I would tell him what it was, it was really none of his business… but I wasn’t able to get away that easily. He made a big deal about how I spelled “Friend” wrong. He explained that Rosie wasn’t my Free-end, she was my friend. And that I was a retard.

So, it was funny to hear that someone else recorded themselves on tape like me (even though I sent mine out into the world, while she was smart enough to erase)… but thanks to that memory, I will never ever spell the word “Friend” wrong again.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

An Explanation

As my sister would say… “Nothing that is beautiful is ever perfect.” This rings true with my lovely little blog. I happen to be not only the author of this page, but also the editor. And, as you all know, sometime when you type something you can read it over and over again, but you need a fresh pair of eyes to catch stupid mistakes.

So, when I misuse certain words like: there, their, and they’re or aloud instead of allowed… I do apologize and I can assure you… I know the proper meaning and spelling of said words… I just sometimes get in a hurry.

In short… Suck it!

Haha.

Winter Wonderland, My Ass.


Last night Des Moines was under a winter weather warning for an ice storm. I was stressing at the gym, hoping that I made it home before everything started happening. Luckily, I did and even went to bed with the slight hope that maybe it wouldn’t happen. Not so much! At around 3:00 AM the ice hitting my bedroom window woke me up… so I knew that I was screwed for the drive to work. See previous “Grandma” post.

Sure enough, I turned on the news when I woke up and it was ugly. While I was getting ready for work, I was daydreaming about all the things I would do if my boss called and told me that the roads were too bad to come in. I was planning on having my coffee and finishing a book I need to be done with, watching daytime TV that I never get to watch, and cleaning out my closet. That would have been such a great day.

Unfortunately, because I am an adult now, there was no snow day… So, after a sketchy drive to work, I planted my wet ass at my desk to begin my day.

The wet ass resulted from ice that, of course, fell onto my driver’s seat when I opened the door to my car…

Friday, December 7, 2007

The Perfect One

My friend and I are going shopping tonight after work for cocktail dresses to wear to our work Christmas Party. Each year I wear the same thing... a black dress. Yet, each year I have to spend money on a new one that I will probably wear just once (because I have to buy new for every single event I go to) and that looks pretty much just like the one I wore the year before... but for some reason in my mind is totally different and absolutely necessary!

Grandma

You know those people that are so horrible at driving in snow that they potentially cause more accidents by how cautious they are??? Unfortunately, that person is me. My hands are firmly at 10 and 2, my seat belt is securely fastened, if someone is driving with me my "Mom Arm" is placed directly in front of them, and my speedometer never goes above about 35 miles per hour. I drove back to my office after a meeting yesterday and I literally had to sit at my desk and regroup after I got back... to destress from the trip.
The funny part about this is that it is directly opposite of how I normally drive. I am such an aggressive, ass riding, speeder in clear conditions. When someone gets in front of me and is going less than 5 to 10 miles above the posted speed limit, I get pissed!
I guess I will just have to accept that I am a dorky grandma driver during this time. I apologize in advance for those of you who have the misfortune of encountering me on a roadway.
I am soooo much more sandals, sundresses, and speeding then cold weather, big coats, and driving for conditions. ;(

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Shout out to the Llama

It’s interesting the little things that you do or hear throughout your life… things that seemingly go in one ear and out the other, stick with you.

For instance, my mom would never let us buy corduroys. I think she shrunk a pair at some point and time. But, now, I won’t even consider buying a pair. I have actually been shopping with friends and caught myself saying, “I am not allowed to buy cords.”!

I thought about this last night when I was carrying in groceries. It was flipping cold outside and I was still wearing my shorts from the gym. As I am standing at my trunk loading as many bags on my arms as possible, while already carrying my purse and gym back… I heard my mom tell me that I was taking the “Lazy Man’s Load” and that if I dropped everything I was the only one to blame.

Luckily, I was able to make it… but now without some extreme flexibility when trying to unlock and open doors.

Thanks for being in my head mom!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

A Pub Crawl Picture Share!

Santa's Ho Ho Ho's!
April, Lindsay, Charlie

Weekend Report

Well... I am happy to report, albeit very late, that I did make it back to Des Moines not only in one piece... but also for the Pub Crawl. It was so much fun! I will be posting a few pictures soon.

The flights were sketchy (by sketchy, I mean two planes slid off the runway in Des Moines, so they had to shut the entire airport down), but we ended up only having about an hour delay in Denver. So, we all loaded on, it was a completely packed flight because of all the people that got bumped from earlier flights. I was in the second to the last row and had the moment that we have all had on a plane... praying to God as people walk in... please let him sit by me or oh for the love of God, not him.... guess what I freaking got. Yep, the "not him" one. You know who he is... big, fat, bad breath, hacking guy!

He entered my row with a loud and proud, "I'M YOUR NEIGHBOR, I GUESS!!". Yippee! Lucky freaking me. Three hours and hundreds of pointless (and smelly thanks to his atrocious halitosis) comments later, I was home.

Thank God!

Beware of Icy Conditions!

I just happened to look out my office window just now and noticed that my car had rolled out into the center of the parking lot! The parking area is a complete sheet of ice... Thank goodness I noticed it when I did and it wasn't still rolling. It would have been a hell of a site... me in my high heeled hooker boots chasing down a Nissan on ice!