Can I Get A Witness?

If you are a boy, move right along… thanks for stopping by…  Nice seeing ya… We’ll catch up another day… 

 

If you have a vagina and/or don’t get skeeved out by the word “panties”, you can stay.

 

All in?!  Everybody good?!  Ok.

 

By a show of hands, who here works in an office??  Ok.  Thank you.  You can put your hands down now.    

 

Do any of you have to play “hide the tampon”, or is this a game only I play??

 

When I am impure*, I do not want to conspicuously carry my purse to the bathroom and we don’t have a storage area where you can keep your stuff.  So, instead, I hide my tampon somewhere on my body before going to the bathroom.

 

The problem with this game is that I work in cubical city… and they are the short cubes… so everyone can hear and see everything.

 

When I wear clothes with pockets, it is not that big of a deal…. But most days, I wear dresses and that is when I get really creative!  Sometimes I stick it down my top and hold it in my bra… but if my shirt is not fabric-y enough, I have to get it in the center of my bra, under the underwire.  *Try placing an object in the middle of your breasts and under the underwire of your bra, in the middle of a crowded office, without getting noticed.  Seriously.*  One time, I had a deep cowl neck sweater, so I just threw it on in there, with all the folds… that one was a bit risky though.  I also stick it in the waste of my pants,  but I have to be careful with that one too, because if my pants are too loose, it will just slide right down my leg and out of my pants.  I know this, because it has happened.  Luckily, I was in the bathroom by the time it had wriggled out.

 

Today, I had to go with the “in the boot” move.  Because I have no pockets and couldn’t easily get to my bra.

 

Some days, I think we should win awards, receive money, be allowed free spa services for life…. Just for being a woman.

 

*I just finished Unorthodox, The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots.  For the time being, and when I remember, I will refer to my “cycle” as my impure time, purely for my own comedic enjoyment.