I want to win the lottery. I spend every morning while I blow dry my hair day dreaming about all the things I would do if I won the lottery. How my life would be infinitely better and how I could do all of the things, like travel the world and go back to school, that I desperately want to do. I have lists of places I would like to go that range from New York City to Isreal. I would do some nice things with my winnings, like share with my friends and family and give to a charitable organization. I wouldn’t just give a monetary donation either, since my new schedule only consisted of school, traveling, and hanging out with my shih-Tzu Dolce, I would have time to get acquainted with the organization and find out what they really needed. I would be frivolous too, though, I will admit. I would buy one of the ridiculous “stupid money” houses I go through during Sunday open houses and I would buy myself three news cars. A crazy big one like the Mercedes G Class SUV for when I need to feel bad ass, a luxury one like a Viper for when I need to Vamp, and an economical daily driver like a Lexus… Daily, during the eight minutes it takes to dry my hair, I am lost in this daydream.
Aside from a random $1.00 scratch off here and there, I have never played the lottery…. I recognize that my chances are very slim and I don’t really want to waste that money with no real chance of winning.
I want that kind of “Great Day”. I was talking to a friend this morning about great days… Like a day that you call in sick when you really aren’t, just so you can lay by the pool. One of the great days we talked about was a day that you and your significant other both call in sick to work on a random weekday just so you can lay in bed together all day… Watching movies, having sex, ordering crappy food and having it delivered just so you don’t have to leave the private vacation spot you have created. The kind of day that you don’t look at your Blackberry or check emails, because the only thing you want to hear is the laugh of the person next to you… nothing is as important as who is laying with you.
Am I forgetting what happens the day before my “great day” and the day after? The type of day that I want doesn’t happen with someone you don’t truly care about… Admittedly, I haven’t truly allowed myself to try for a while. And, I don’t know if I really want all the drama that comes with allowing myself to be in a *gasp* relationship.
I want to be BRAVE! Last night I laid in bed wide awake at about 2:00 AM, with my covers up to my eyes, shivering, because it was storming outside. I had been nervous all evening about the storm the newscaster had predicted and finally it had arrived. Last summer it took me a good ten minutes to muster up the courage to jump off the small cliff that my cousins, aunt and uncle had fearlessly leapt off of. Should I make that phone call? Should I send that text message? Should I tell him how I feel? Do you think it would be ok to just throw caution to the wind and join in… what if someone thinks I look stupid? If I say that, will I sound dumb?
Hasn’t calculating my risks been ok for me so far? Do I really want to open myself up for silly things that maturity, experience, and cynicism lead me away from? I have already experienced fun things, I have already taken chances, maybe I should just do what I’m used to…
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