Parents Weekend

This past weekend my mamma and dad came to visit me here in Des Moines! My dad was in an art show, so he was working a lot of the weekend, but the three of us did get to spend some time together.

They wanted Italian food Friday night and my great friend suggested a "mom and pop" type restaurant on the.....um...South....side, I think.

Anyone of my friends will tell you that I am NEVER the driver, so since I get to be passenger all the time, I never pay attention to where we are at! Therefore, I am incredibly directionally challenged. On top of that, I have a hard time knowing the difference from South and East and North and West....

Anyway... the restaurant we went to was called Tumea and Sons and it was totally delicious. My mom, however, was more impressed with the family story than the food. Basically, the mom and dad fell in love, worked hard, had four sons and started a restaurant. Four sons. Italian sons. Dark and handsome (in her mind) sons. Sons that could (in her mind) provide dark haired and dark eyed grandbabies.

So, she did what any mamma would do... she pimped me out! She informed the waitress that I was single and asked if Louie (of course that would be his name) was working tonight.

Unfortunately he was not....

I am pretty sure that her "trip to the bathroom" was really a trip to kitchen to make sure that waitress wasn't trying to thwart cupid's arrow.

So my mamma was just forced to eat her dinner with the hopes of gorgeous dark grandbabies going right down the spaghetti strainer.

My dad also had dark Italian men on the mind apparently... I realized this when he asked my mom if she wanted to see "the situation".

As he ripped up his shirt and showed my mom his white abdomen a la Mike from the Jersey Shore, I realized that some situations should just be left alone..... And left under clothing.

The Big Apple

I love the Today Show. Seriously, I am a super fan from way back.

I remember how sad I was when Bryant Gumbel left and when Katie Couric’s husband died… And then how ambivalent I was about Meredith coming aboard, because I thought Ann should have gotten the job… even though I had no reason to be worried, because she is great and Ann travels too much.

So, today, when Al Roker was right here in Des Moines wouldn’t you think that I would have gone to see him?!?

Well, I didn’t. First, because yet again today, I woke up to a freaking thunderstorm; it is like the 37th day in a row for that, I swear. More importantly though… I didn’t need to get up early today to see him… because I will be getting up early at the end of July to see him in NEW YORK CITY!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOO HOOOOOO!

Can you hardly believe that I finally get to go to NYC!? And, it is on a family vacation! I am pretty sure that I have never, ever traveled with all my siblings and my parents at one time, because it was always just my older brother and I… then came along the other two little nuggets and Brother and I were too old and cool to go…

Somebody pinch me. Ok, not really though.

Embracing Who I Am

A weem o wet a weem o wet a weem o wet a weem o wet

In the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight….

In the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight.

Oooooooooooooooohhhhh oh oh oh zoo um bum bum way…..

A weem o wet a weem o wet a weem o wet a weem o wet

If my life had a sound track… this is the song that would be playing today.

My hair is out. of. control.

Daddy

I am so blessed to have you. I am so proud of you and the fact that aside from mom’s fantastic singing voice, you single handedly hold the large majority of the family’s talent.

There are a million pictures that I could have chosen when highlighting this post, but this is my favorite. It epitomizes you and highlights your talent while displaying your grace.

I have never felt as safe, with anyone, as I do when I am with you.

I will never look at pieces of cardboard without thinking that my dad could build a boat (that actually floats with people in it!) out of it. Or a jewelry box. Or even a dinosaur!

I have always had so much pride in your talent, but when you sang the National Anthem at the Chief’s game, I was thisclose to getting a "I Heart My Dad" tat on my bicep.

While there have been a great many moments of pride, there have also been some embarrassments, if I do say so. Like the time you put ketchup on Stacy’s (practically the coolest girl in junior high) arm. Or the time you drove your car into the back of a loaded school bus, even though I warned you, also in junior high. Those were difficult years for me….

But, those moments taught me how to laugh. You taught me how to find humor and levity in situations that would otherwise make me want to jab a spork in my eye.

More than pride and humor however, you gave me love. Unconditional, unwavering love.

But, you didn’t just love me, you loved God. And, with that, you gave me faith, hope and peace. Because of that love, I know my path is defined and my steps are directed.

And, you loved my momma. I was able to grow up in a home, not a house; with a family, not people I happened to share a last name with. You exemplified how a man is supposed to love and respect his family and his wife.

I am rich. I am blessed. My heart is so full.

I am the person I am because of you.

I love you. Happy Father’s Day.
~Girl.

The Weakest Link

So, as you know, I am in a book club and this month happened to be my month to choose the book. Thus far our books have primarily been love stories, feel good stories about inner strength or funny, uplifting books.

So, it would be fitting that I would choose In Thin Air: The Mt. Everest Disaster.

Forget feel good stories about the perfect man coming along and saving the woman from the life she didn't deserve... let's talk about frozen limbs, amputation and oxygen deprivation.

I didn't know it was going to be that depressing, really I didn't. Had I know, I would have made more of an attempt to be not rock the book club boat and would have chosen something more along the lines of.... well, I don't know... but something more corny and romantic.

The worst part about this whole thing is, however, that I haven't even finished the book. Nope. As a matter of fact, I googled "In Thin Air Synopsis" about five minutes before book club was set to start. Thankfully, I had read about the first half and had just enough name recognition from my Cliff's Notes to interject with seemingly intelligent comments.

Ok... and there is more... The hosting member also bakes something to share with the group. But, not me. I went to Target and bought things that just looked they were homemade.

So, I chose a depressing book that I didn't even really read and had to fake my way through conversation and I didn't even really make my treat.

If I was the in charge of this book club, I would boot my ass out.

Faker Faker Faker

Let me tell you a few things....

Numero Uno. I am a girly girl. I am way more into cute sundresses and getting a pedicure than talking basketball. Now, don't get me wrong... I can chill with the boys at Buffalo Wild Wings, watch the game and drink Blue Moon... but, as soon as I am done with that, I am going to go home, put on a pot of coffee and my dad's old worn in Minnesota sweatshirt and watch Under the Tuscan Sun.

Next, I am from Illinois. Not Iowa. Iowans are very clearly defined by the college sports team they support. In order to fully embrace my new home, I too chose an affiliation. I am an Iowa Hawkeye fan. I chose that affiliation because of two very important things.... I wear more black than I do red and this one time (at band camp) I met a super hot guy at a tailgate that was also a Hawk fan. I am sure you can see by those two admissions that my black and gold blood runs thick.

So... This past week, when I had a very unique opportunity to see Jamie Pollard, tour the new Sukup Basketball Facility and Jacobson Athletic Building on the Iowa State University Campus, I felt like a big ol' faker.

And, it was the day that Colorado University regents backed a move to the Pac-10... so people were all up in arms, the news was there... It would have been a real Iowa Stater's dream.

I was thisclose to challenging this boy to game of Horse...
Please excuse the quality of this picture; I was surreptitiously taking pictures with my Blackberry. I didn't want to be that girl... This is a picture of the Iowa State Football Team's locker room. It smelled like a big sweaty ballsack in there. Just for the record.

This picture was outside of the totally awesome weight room. I really wanted to kiss my muscles and pump some iron.

Anybody up for a push up contest??? No, I am supposed to do them on my knees!! It is the girl kind, really.

Anyway, can you believe how freakin tall I am!?!?



The point of this post is that if you are an Iowa Stater. A real one. You should be totally jealous of me right now.

Wang's Panties

For the record, these are not my "date night" panties.

Although, if I did have these panties and I was a floozy that would let the boys see them on the first date, I might get asked out on seconds....

But I digress... My first dates not typically progressing into second dates is a whole nother animal and right now, we have a cooler animal to tackle... An animal named Wang, that invented some high tech panties.

According to a website that discusses Scientists and Underwear, a site that I am sure you can imagine I frequent often, Joseph Wang has invented high-tech electronic biosensor underwear that can monitor heart rate, blood pressure, blood alcohol levels and other vital signs.

Can you imagine getting pulled over after having a couple of drinks with your buddies... You are sitting in your car, probably about to piss your high tech panties, thinking... "just act cool, be smart, you're fine"... when all of the sudden the alarm on your grape smugglers begins to sound...

And, I don't mean to channel my inner fourteen year old boy, here... but I am the only one that thinks it is funny the inventors name is WANG!?

FOUND: One Lover

My friends love to point out to me that my "Lover" is missing because I don't do things like cry at movies.... Well, I don't want to get ahead of myself and say that it is completely found, but we certainly did have a sighting this weekend. It happened when I met this little booger nugget babycakes:

I don't know exactly what got to me... those precious little curls? The fact that it was probably the first little chunk ever not to burst into tears when I even glanced their direction? The absolutely precious way that she actually wanted to stay with me when I was holding her and wouldn't go to anyone else...

My criminal record consists of speeding tickets and seatbelt violations... but I am not kidding you, I considered kidnapping this little nugget!

I was wearing wedges though, so I probably wouldn't have been able to run very fast. And, her parents were really nice and who needs enemies right? And, she had a twin brother and trying to run with a baby on both hips is more than I was up for.

Oh well. At least I know my lover, deep inside, may not have completely flown the coop!

Smitten Little Kitten

Once upon a time a girl went on a date with a boy. The boy cooked her dinner and they talked and talked. They were having such a good time that they decided to go on a walk and continue this great conversation.

On the walk they saw deer and there were little frogs on the path… it was so sweet and fun! When they passed a wild flower field the boy went out into it, even though the field was about waist high, and picked the girl a bouquet of wild flowers. He was even funny about it and asked if she wanted him to include some marijuana he found in the field, in the bouquet… with made the entire situation less gay and thus something the girl could handle.

The girl, however, was me… so while on the walk… wearing a white shirt… of course a sprinkler system would just have to go off, thus leaving me to take off running while screaming profanities.

It is probably best that the boy knows things like this just happen to me all the time. No sense in giving him a false sense of normalcy, I suppose.

Humbling Moments

Just when I think I am a total hot mamma… getting out of my sassy new red car. Black dress, awesome red heels.

The Lord, he has such a sense of humor, that guy… reminds me that I am just Charlie. A total dork that goes to bed sometimes when it is still light out. Falls up the stairs at least once a week. Goes to movies by myself more times a month than what is probably healthy. Sings at the top of my lungs, into my straightner, like I am giving a very serious concert in my bathroom…

Today’s reminder was via bird poop. All over my leg when I was getting out of said sassy new red car. Black dress, awesome red heels.

You know what else is awesome… trying to run in them to the nearest bathroom, so I can remove the excrement from my shin.