Beggar's Night

I was Halloween deprived as a child.  We’ve talked about this, right?  I was never able to Trick or Treat or watch Scooby Doo or The Smurfs or MTV or listen to KZ 93.3 ( I am talking Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff, before he became Will Smith….).

 

Now that I think about it, I totally had a rough life!  I can’t believe that I have been looking back on my childhood so fondly for all these years.  Clearly, my parents were abusive!

 

I mean, I guess in some small way, I suppose it was appropriate to protect me from the dangers of all the Satan Worshippers that ravage the street and would stick needles in my Snickers and it was very forward thinking of my parents to make sure that I didn’t follow the ways of Gargamel and his evil wizardry.  But, Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff?!  Really?!  All they ever wanted me to do was Boom! shake-shake-shake the room!  That’s all!

 

Anyway.  Enough about that, I am getting in a bad mood.

 

 

In Des Moines we have Beggar’s Night the night before Halloween.  Probably because it’s mother also knew about all the Satan Worshipping and needle sticking that happens on this day.  So last night, precious nugget after precious nugget rang my doorbell. 

 

Some wore pretty tiaras and long blond wigs and some wore fake muscles and crime fighting shields.  Others, who appeared to be about my age, wore flannel shirts and wiped black shit on their faces; those jerks seemed to have not been informed of the two piece rule.  Or that there is an age limit.

 

One loudly announced that he “liked my houthe” and one told me he knew a joke but needed me to shut my door and then reopen it.  I thought that was the joke, just laughed and shut the door.  He walked away after a minute or so.  The last little nugget of the night, who bore a striking resemblance to Honey Boo Boo, but was actually supposed to be a nurse,  looked around my candy bowl and then back up at me, as if to say “what else do you have, lady”.  I have a look too, it is all “these are your options, kid, and do you really even need it?”… She turned away and didn’t even take anything… Who does that?!  This isn’t Buffet City, Boo, you get you get!

 

After two hours, I was pretty glad it was over.  But, not as glad as I was that there was left over candy.