If I Were Being Recorded...

The following things fall out of my mouth on a regular basis while on my way to… well… anywhere.  It really doesn’t matter, if I am being completely honest.

 

Are you f(*&ing KIDDING me?!

 

The gas pedal is the one on the right, jacka&$!

 

GOOOO!  You f(*&ing moron!

 

Nice blinker, douchebag!

 

Don’t you f(*&ing do it.  Don’t you f(*&ing pull out in fron…… *Hoooonnnnk!*

 

Screw you, a$%hole!  I am going 10 over!  Get off my a$%!

 

Come.  The.  F*&^.  On!

 

Oh, sh*&!  Was that a cop!?!  (Followed immediately by turning the radio down.  I am all, “Enough already, Miranda Lambert! I have to focus on rearview!)

 

 

I am a lady and I am a professional.  But sadly, when I am driving, all bets are off.  I get behind the wheel and turn into a foul mouthed gangster, effective immediately. 

 

 

I do recognize this to be a serious problem