Web MD

I have been diagnosed via Web MD today with Strep, Mono and Pink Eye.

I have had a sore throat since last Thursday... I woke up this morning with my eye swollen shut, but now it is just red... And, I have been so tired lately, so today, I went and took a nap at a park on my lunch break.

I bet I looked preeeettttty creepy to the kids playing there today!

Web MD apparently doesn't diagnose boredom and allergies.

Awkward

I had to meet my coworker in the hotel lobby this morning, so we could head to a meeting location together.

While I was waiting... drinking my decaf and reading a book... totally minding my own business... I noticed a young girl in a housekeeping uniform come over and start talking to a man working on his laptop nearby. He was about 45ish and she was about 20ish.

During the next five minutes or so, after eaves dropping on their conversation... I mean.. minding my own business... I learned that they both had significant others and that he traveled there every two weeks for work... I also learned that their relationship had warranted a call, to him, from her boyfriend that apparently didn't go well.

So, basically, this business man shacks up with the Cedar Rapids Hilton Housekeeper every two weeks. And, her boyfriend... who just recently got a job, and is making about $35K a year... doesn't really like it.

He must be still keeping it a secret from his girl. Very nice.

Please excuse me, while I go barf.

If you are going to talk about your private business.... please do not do it standing 3 feet away from me, you jack asses.

Childhood Memories

Last night I played hide and go seek with Boyfriend's little babycakes. I haven't played that game for about... oh... twenty years or so and now I remember why.

First, I am bad at it. I am not exactly easily hide-able. If I am not too tall for the hiding space, then my hair won't all fit inside... God help us if we play on a humid day.

Next... it is SO scary! I forgot that I thought it was scary until I went to hide for the first time and I am not kidding... all that suspense of getting found, or worse, not getting found!

As I was hiding under the blanket behind the loveseat I was barely able to breathe, because I could hardly take it! That is probably another reason why I am not a very good hider... all that heavy breathing and nervous laughing is a dead give away.

Childhood is touch and go sometimes...

Mission: Failed

Do you ever notice that when you are out shopping and you do not have money to be spending on clothes, you find millions and millions of things you want so bad... but when you plan a shopping trip and have money to spend on clothes, you can't find anything!

Is this just me, folks?!

If I was Julie Roberts in Pretty Woman, in the totally dramatic part when she is like "I have money to spend in here!!", I wouldn't have been yelling it because the snobby sales girl wouldn't find a dress in my size, it would be because I couldn't find anything and I was getting so pissed and tired of shopping!

I am in total desperado need of new work clothes, so I can stop vacillating between looking like the office frumpster or the office hoochie mamma, so I specifically went out last night intending to pick up a few new things... I even have money set aside for such a trip.

But guess what!? I got a sundress, some cute white shorts, an adorable top that I could never wear in an office setting and some jazzy flat black shoes to wear with the sundress.

And with that... today, I am the hoochie mamma.

Handyman Hank

Last night Boyfriend was nice enough to help me with some home improvement projects... you know, like changing a few light bulbs and unclogging the sink drain.

Now, I am fully aware that I can do all of these things by myself... but in my defense, they were not normal projects. Most of the lights were the long skinny kind and I am really good at fixing drains, as you can imagine, given my long lustrous mane... but it was a sink one and the stopper thing would not come up or out... I even tried to use my toolbox tools to get it out and nothing!

It is a good thing that I had help, though, because the entire sink had to be taken apart... we even had to go to Lowe's to buy plumbers putty!

The other good reason I had help was because I was clearly not on my game... my only real job during the home improvement projects was to change a lightbulb in the bathroom. The normal kind, not the tricky kind... and I dropped it and it shattered everywhere.

Handyman hank sure is a keeper!

Snobberalla

It is no secret that I am crazy and that eating and drinking noises annoy me more than almost anything in the world...

Well, they may not be as bad as coughing and I tell you what... it is a veritable cough off in the cubes surrounding mine. By 8:07 this morning, I was contemplating stapling my finger to my leg so I could take my mind off of it.

So, to get away from it, I run over to a coffee shop during lunch, to either read or just sit, in a non infested environment, and stare at the wall.

I have a feeling though that they think I am bitchy.

The coffee shop people... not the people at work. I am a professional after all and keep my nausea and disdain to myself.

A guy that I work with comes here sometimes too, so I mentioned to him one day that it drove me nuts that my drink is always lukewarm because decaf is apparently not brewed as often.

And, really, why would it be. It is so dumb.

He, being the nice guy that he is, took it upon himself to mention it to the counter girl and asked her to start brewing fresh! So nice of him... pissed her right off, I am sure.

Anyway, so the second they see me strutting in... Uh huh, in my mind I strut... She puts a new pot on and then brings it out to me.

They also know that I like the chairs by the fire and for the fire to be on... one girl even asks if it is warm enough for me.

I hope that they understand that I am not really a total snob blob, that I am just stressed out... from the cesspool from which I am trying to find respite!

Hijacked?

Dear Blogger -

Where are my blogs from this week? Two seem to be missing in action...

Let me know what you find out, I guess.

Thanks, LYLAS,

Charlie Girl

User Error?

Do you know that feeling of panic you get when you get a sick feeling in your stomach and you start to sweat and you feel like you have to poop?

Oh, not the last one for you? Hmmm, weird.

Well, that totally happened to me this morning when I almost got stuck in my car.

When I was leaving the gym this morning it was still dark and I was tired and when I went to push my seat belt in the clicker, I did notice that I had to push extra hard... but I really didn't think too much about it.

Until I got home, pulled in my garage, shut the car off and tried to get out. Apparently, my shirt got pushed down into the clicker too and I could not get the seat belt off. Like, it seriously wouldn't budge. I was thinking that if need be, I could cut it off, but I didn't want to cut it and I didn't have anything to cut it with. I supposed I could muster the strength to bite through it, just like the man that had to saw his own arm off... but that would be a last resort, obviously.

Finally, after a few long, grueling minutes of pulling with all my might, I got it off... and ripped my shirt.

I am sure you can only imagine my sense of relief!

Humpity Hump Day

First things first... Chicago was uh. may. zing! We seriously had the best time, even if the Cubbies didn't pull out a win...


Did that just convincingly sound like I actually watched??


In other news. I am one cheap mammasita, so these gas prices are killing me. Also, I happen to have a lease and I am also ridiculous about miles.


Which is why I am happy it is summer, because last night instead of driving to the mall to get my eyebrows threaded... I just hoofed it on over there!


So what if the threading took a little longer than normal because my face was a little sweaty betty from my jaunt and the thread kept slipping... Thanks to the 95 degree temp and the 100% humidity, my big gigantic horse hair provided a shelf for her to rest her little elbow as she worked!

You Are...

About to be the biggest jeal-y belly in the world. Because guess what I am about to do?!



Um... Just head to Chicago, only one of the greatest cities ever... with my great boyfriend... to go watch the Cubs and explore the city.



I knew it... you totally are aren't you!?

Getting Better

I recently took a country road trip and typically, I would have refused to let my car even go... Unpaved roads, extra miles, dust on the outside and garbage on the inside would have been a recipe for a rental.

You would think I am rockin a BMW or something...

But, I did it and even with very few comments. Ok, well maybe it was more than a few, but it wasn't like constant or anything.

I will admit, I did have to go directly to the carwash when I got home and even though it was late, I windexed the outside and inside of every window before I went to bed.

So while my OCD tendencies have not subsided, I think I am making one heck of an effort to manage them better!

Baby steps!

Predictable

Do you want to know something that I love…. Every time I leave my hair appointments, my hair girl Ellie she asks if I want to schedule a new appointment and each time I tell her no, because I really have full intentions of waiting longer in between times!

But, then I cave at the last minute and send her a frantic text asking if she can fit me in and she always can… no matter what.

It is not because she is not busy or booked up… it is because she knows me well enough to know my game by now and has prescheduled me in every 4 week on Thursday!

This totally makes me want to sing the song from Cheers about everybody knowing your name.