Now that I have remedied the problem, I can admit that I have been quite the little law breaker lately. Unbeknownst to me, my license expired in March!!! I went to get into a bar last Saturday night with my girlfriends and they wouldn’t let me in, because of it and I had no idea!
And, even though my girls night out was truncated, the fact that I was not being allowed in was totally funny to me. My mind is a lit-tle bit fuzzy, but I do remember laughing hysterically at the bouncer and announcing very loudly that I was 28… Like the joke was totally on him, because I was in fact old enough to drink!
Anyway. So that brings us to today and my trip to the D M Effin V. I hate places like that, let me just say. Have you ever had to go to the Social Security Office?? Oh Em Gee…. Don’t even get me started on that. Anyway. I walked in and before you could even go in to the waiting area, you had to wait in line to let the people know what you were there for. Like a rogue was gonna get through… “Hi, I am here for my pap smear!”.
When I arrived the line was about thirty people deep. I seriously wanted to turn right back around, while yelling, “See Ya Lata, Suuuccckas!!”, but I knew that wasn’t an option.
I was in line behind a Lesbian Couple and a completely unaware mother; the little booger nugget in her charge was a freakin monster. Luckily, the funny lesbots started screwing with him. And, when that little booger nugget hid behind his oblivious mother’s leg, stuck his tiny little fist out and flipped the her off, I almost forgot that I hated where I was. But, then he continued to do it, the bird lost its luster and I was back to hating my lunchtime obligation.
Total time, from the time I got to the “Triage” station and allowed into the actual waiting room to the time I got called was 53 minutes. I am not joking. I was so mother effin mad. I had to seriously deep breath and make myself not jump on a “what can make this completely inefficient system better” soapbox.
When I finally did make it to the picture stand, the information I had previously received from friends about no longer being able to smile in your pictures was confirmed. Do you know how stupid I look when I am trying not to smile?? I have one pose, Iowa. And, one pose only. Sexy eyes, cocky smile and my chin pointed down and to the side to eliminate any opportunity at all for a double chin issue. A camera so close it is about to touch my nose and tight lips is just not working for me. So, I did what anyone would do… right when she was about to flick, I showed my pearlies… Then I got busted. She looked up, completely unamused and said “Nice try, sneaky. Do it again.”
So, well over an hour and a quick reprimand later, I am the proud owner of an unexpired, albeit butt ass ugly, drivers license.
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