Saturday, January 9, 2010

Hypothetically Speaking...


If I were going on a date tonight. And, if it were to a Sushi restaurant. And, if I have never had Sushi before... These are the things that could potentially go wrong.




My date could call me and tell me he is on his way and then decide that he really doesn't want to pay for two dinners when he could just by his own and head to the restaurant without picking me up.




Or.




As I am walking to his car, I could slip on the snow/ice covered sidewalk and break my tailbone. Instead of sushi, my date would be forced to eat hospital vending machine chips while discussing with the doctor the healing time of my butt.




Or.




Since I am new to this Sushi thing, and I am not completely sure I don't have weird food allergies, I could take my first bite and the subsequent swelling would start to attract stares from other diners.




Or.




I could try to impress him with my Saki Bomb skills and accidentally hit the table too hard, forcing my shot glass to fall onto his lap rather than the cup of beer below. People would think he was a pee pants, and I would be laughing too hard to apologize. He would then leave me.




Or.




Again, since I am new to this Sushi thing, and I am not completely sure how to eat it, I shove the entire roll into my mouth. This of course would cause me to choke and rice to be spat at his face. I think in this scenario again... once I spit out the roll and wiped my face, of course... I would be laughing too hard to apologize . He would then leave me.




Or.




I take the first bite and immediately want to barf, because Sushi is gross. But since drinks and an empty stomach aren't a good idea, I ask my date to stop by the gas station so I could pick up a hot dog. He decides I am trashy, so while I am instead heaping relish on my dog, he leaves me.




Man... it is a good thing this is just a hypothetical Saturday night.

3 comments:

Turbo said...

Hahaha. Any one of those scenarios would be much more eventful than most of the dates that I ever had, when I was single.

CharlieGirl said...

And, why date if you can't have fun with it and make fun of yourself a little!?

Kaptain said...

So are [any / none] of these things that actually happened? I just don't know because with you, they're most certainly all very possible. Not just one either, but quite probably all of them at the same time.

I know for a fact that you slam the table like a fist pumping guido when you're about to do sake bombs. The thrill of drinking Asahi beer mixed with cheap rice wine apparently gets you worked up to such an excited state that you're ready to punch a hole _through_ the table like a karate action figure.