Hypothetically Speaking...

If I were going on a date tonight. And, if it were to a Sushi restaurant. And, if I have never had Sushi before... These are the things that could potentially go wrong.

My date could call me and tell me he is on his way and then decide that he really doesn't want to pay for two dinners when he could just by his own and head to the restaurant without picking me up.

Or.

As I am walking to his car, I could slip on the snow/ice covered sidewalk and break my tailbone. Instead of sushi, my date would be forced to eat hospital vending machine chips while discussing with the doctor the healing time of my butt.

Or.

Since I am new to this Sushi thing, and I am not completely sure I don't have weird food allergies, I could take my first bite and the subsequent swelling would start to attract stares from other diners.

Or.

I could try to impress him with my Saki Bomb skills and accidentally hit the table too hard, forcing my shot glass to fall onto his lap rather than the cup of beer below. People would think he was a pee pants, and I would be laughing too hard to apologize. He would then leave me.

Or.

Again, since I am new to this Sushi thing, and I am not completely sure how to eat it, I shove the entire roll into my mouth. This of course would cause me to choke and rice to be spat at his face. I think in this scenario again... once I spit out the roll and wiped my face, of course... I would be laughing too hard to apologize . He would then leave me.

Or.

I take the first bite and immediately want to barf, because Sushi is gross. But since drinks and an empty stomach aren't a good idea, I ask my date to stop by the gas station so I could pick up a hot dog. He decides I am trashy, so while I am instead heaping relish on my dog, he leaves me.

Man... it is a good thing this is just a hypothetical Saturday night.

I Know I Shouldn’t Laugh… Part 2

Ok… I didn’t want to do this. But, for the sake of the transparency of this blog, I will humble myself.

I just realized that I have one of those big ridiculous “My sweater has been hanging in the closet too long” sweater nipples. On my shoulder. That sticks about an inch and a half to two inches.

Yes. I have been struttin' myself around all day with a two inch shoulder sweater nipple.

So, apparently “what goes around” went around. Fast. I am pretty sure that there are a few girls around my office that had quite a laugh at my expense.

Lesson learned.

Well played, Karma.

I know I Shouldn’t Laugh…

But, I just can’t help myself. Yes, I know that what goes around comes around and I should not laugh at the misfortune of others and bla bla bla… but this is funny.

So this morning, I was walking to my car and my neighbor came running out of the door behind me.

Let me give you a little background on this neighbor. He and his boyfriend live above me and they are seriously rude. They are never friendly, never hold the door open and when I try to smile and make “awwwww” sounds at their dog, they just keep walking. The dog one is particularly rude, because I don’t even like their stupid dog or the big steaming piles he leaves around the complex that they never pick up.

Anyway. So, he comes running out of the apartment like he is so important that he literally has to rush to work and he totally wipes out in the snow. Then, as he was looking at me looking at him and trying to get up, he wiped out again!

I wanted to tell him that first, he should slow down, because being in a hurry is never a good idea. Second, he probably fell because he was worried about looking cool with his mean frowny face, rather than being worried about where he was going. And finally, that even though I was laughing at him, and even though I think he is a jerk off, and that even though I think is dog is seriously dumb… that I would forgive him, because watching him fall on his ass totally cracked me up and for starting my day with a good laugh, he should be rewarded.

Cold Temp, Warm Heart

I saw the sweetest thing on my way home today... A precious little UPS delivery man was crawling over mountains of snow to get to a house, but his truck was no where to be found. Then, I spotted it about 5 or 6 houses up... the only house that had shoveled their snow! He wouldn't have been able to get to a walkable path or the house without first having the initial way in. So, that determined man, in wind chills that are about negative twenty, just drove until he found a way.

I am sure, though, that as I was thinking about how adorable and determined he was, he was cussing like a fleet sailor and wanting to tell UPS and this person who online shops to shove it up their asses.

Speaking of snow mountains, Des Moines, yet again is in the middle of a blizzard. But, guess what, I am not nearly as concerned....

Yep, because check that out. Boots and a shovel. Both Christmas presents from great people that are concerned with my safety and the warmth of my toes.

I probably should have helped the UPS man shovel a path to the house, now that I think about it...

Oh well, next time, I guess.

And while we are discussing Christmas presents, I have to also show you this one...

This gorgeous picture of the Des Moines skyline was painted by my dad. I am so proud. I may or may not have stole it from my parents house as an extra Christmas present to myself.

I don't know if you have ever seen my drawing skills... but that talent clearly wasn't passed on!

Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot....

I have so little to say lately! Perhaps because of the holidays. Or, maybe because I live in the frozen tundra and with that have avoid leaving my apartment as much as possible.

It could also be because I had such an amazing weekend with this little chica that I have spent the last couple of weeks being home sick and feeling sorry for myself...

Any of the above? All of the above?? Oh, who knows. But time to pull myself up by the snowboots, get back in the game and embrace 2010 with vigor.

Time to grab this year by the horns and make it my.... oh, you get the point.

New years resolutions, nah, I think not. I just want to be happy, healthy, loved and to love.

But, for now, while I am getting started, I will just be thankful for the things I have and who I am. I will wish you a blessed year. And, I will wish for it to be any temperature that isn't prefaced by "negative".