The New Adventures of Charlie-Girl

Practically Professional

2011-12-18T15:36:00.002-06:00

While grabbing on to the rope to go up the slope... fell.

While standing at the top of the slope, doing absolutely nothing... fell.

While standing at the bottom of the slope, doing absolutely nothing... fell.

While actually skiing down the hill... Handled it like a pro! I was even working on turns! I didn't fall once and my bones remained perfectly intact!

Woot Woot!

I'll Try

2011-12-17T12:52:00.003-06:00

Dear precious baby Jesus:

Please keep me safe today while I attempt skiing for the first time. Please let all of those times you have allowed me to break arms and fall down stairs and up stairs and trip when walking... just be funny jokes or coincidence and not truly an indication of how clumsy you made me!

That's My Name, Don't Wear It Out!

2011-12-16T20:23:00.003-06:00

When I was a little girl, I totally hated my name. I think every young girl pretends that their name is something else every now and then... but I totally hated my name. I felt like it just didn't fit me... And I felt like "Tori" and "Dawn" and "Mallory" fit me so much better.

I went away to church camp when I was in like 5th grade or so. Rather than having my parents drive me and drop me off at the camp, I just went with the church group. Which gave me the opportunity to complete my own "intake" paperwork when I arrived... I can assure you, that no Charlie arrived that day. But, Tori did!

For a few years after that my parents wondered who "Tori" was and why I was so excited when we accidentally got her mail.

I went to summer festival when I was like 21 with some girlfriends and as we were walking around, one of the girls, Tiffany (a name I had often coveted), decided we should all make up fake names. I was totally down for this game and was just about to resurrect Tori when she said, "I am going to be Joey... guys names for girls is so hot"!

And with that, I decided my name was just fine!

I get asked all the time if my name is short for something or what my real name is... but today it happened like 4 times. And, each time, I proudly said, "Nope, just Charlie!" and secretly thanked my parents for a name that was just perfect for me!

Biggest Fans

2011-12-12T08:35:00.003-06:00

This weekend was babyboycake's last basketball game of his league.

Little kids basketball is a freaking riot, first of all... Some of these little nuggets are so adorably uncoordinated and clumsy! It reminds me very much of someone..... but I just can't quite put my finger on who....

Hmmmm...

Because it was the final game, all the nuggets got to run through the smoke machine with the "get pumped up" 80's music blaring, it was pretty presh.

Boyfriend and I decided that we should participate in the festivities by creating signs. I suggested one poster board cut in half, so as not be too obnoxious, but boyfriend doesn't do things half way... so two big poster boards of GO BABYCAKES, it was!

(We put his actual name, because babycakes would have of course caused major problems for the remainder of his elementary and probably junior high careers...).

At first I think he was totally into it. But, as the game progressed and we continued to shake and hold up our signs while yelling for him each time he ran down the court, he just stopped even looking in our general direction.

After the game, I was like, "Hey! Did you like our signs?!". "Yep." he dryly responded. "Were they a little embarrassing?" "Uh, yeah. A little."

There was a line... around first quarter... and we clearly crossed it. Good thing I didn't wear my "I Heart Babycakes" button (gigantic, old school New Kids On The Block size, of course!).

Caaatch Up

2011-11-30T20:54:00.003-06:00

Hehehe. I love this! It is so very, very true!

So... have we talked since Thanksgiving?? I don't think we have, I totally missed you. And, do you wanna know what you missed... My uh-may-zing turkey. No joke, hands down, best. turkey. made. As in made in all of the Nation. If there was a Nationwide contest, mine would win... sorry for your luck. I couldn't believe it and was so relieved, because it was my first turkey attempt ever. But, it was so juicy and tender!

When I was little, I used to take a bite of turkey and immediately take a drink of water... turkey still in my mouth... because if I didn't it was too dry to swallow.

And, before I get an angry voicemail... the turkey I am referring to is not my mammas. I won't name names, because I don't want to hurt feelings... but the person responsible for this turkey has a name that rhymes with Mrandma.

Moving right along... really, you will want an invite next year and I will be happy to welcome you!!

So, I am traveling for work today and it has me reminiscing about when I used to travel for the software company. I used to spend a lot of time in hotel rooms and having dinner by myself. And, it totally cracks me up on how well and for how long I can entertain myself. Tonight, I have given myself a pedicure that is worthy of an award, cleaned out my make up case, balanced my checkbook and organized all my work files. I could be here for hours and hours before I ever needed to flip through the channels and actually pay attention to what is on TV.

In other travel news... I left a meeting this morning and headed down the city sidewalk only to catch a glimpse of the parking meter reader person slowing down near my car. I thought I was right about at my limit... but watching it go down is like a swift kick in the bucket. So, I did what any person would do... once I got past my clients section of the building... where he might see me... I took off running, yelling at the meter reader!

She didn't even pause. She looked up and continued writing her stupid ticket. I don't mean to be aggressive, but I wanted to just run right in to her, football style... taking her out, while tossing her ticketbook. But, I had other meetings to get to and didn't feel like taking time for a trip to the pokey.

So, let's bring it on home for the Caaatch Up Wrap Up with this random little bloggity blog... I have some fancy toes, a ticket and a turkey that will knock your socks right off!

Content?

2011-11-18T08:49:00.003-06:00

I didn't particularly love it when my alarm when off at 4:40 this morning and had to exit my cozy, warm bed only to be greeted by 30 mph winds and 25 degrees...

And, while I like my job, I didn't excitedly and hurriedly get ready so I could get here as fast I could...

But, I was fine with both of this things and actually pretty upbeat... today is Friday after all and next week is a short week!

I was fine with it, right up until I talked to my mom.

She is a teacher and this week has been parent/teacher conferences. Today, she bragged, she only has to be there between 8 and 11, there are no kids and she and her co-teach have hot plans to lay around and watch Eclipse. They are Twihards, obviously. Also, co-teach is bringing in breakfast.

Why did they have to go mess up my contentment with all their fun, laz-o-ness?

Twihard punks.

Hello Ya Laz-o

2011-11-15T12:06:00.003-06:00

Did you know that you can hire someone to put up your Christmas lights?? Well, this is news to me too!

I, for one, am completely offended. I claim my laziness, by not putting up lights at all! These outsources are just sneaky little jerks! Not to mention, it is like 60 here and it was on the weekend too.

I can't imagine what they do when they are asked to open a present.

Oh. Wait... that they can probably handle. Dirty jerks!

You Hungry...Me Domestic Goddess

2011-11-14T16:48:00.003-06:00

I did something that I totally never do this weekend... I cooked. A lot!

Have you guys heard of Pinterest.com? I have heard a couple of people talk about it and then I saw a reference from another blog I read, so I had to check it out... and it sucked me right in. It is uh-ddictive. Everything you never knew you wanted or needed to see. Including some super yummy looking recipes.

So Saturday night I baked a taco bake from twomaidsamilking.blogspot.com and some green bean casserole (that wasn't a pinterest recipe, that was a last minute request from babygirlcakes). I don't necessarily know if the two went together... in fact, they did not... but, I am happy to report that they were both so delicious!

I made a deal with boyfriend and the babycakes that if the dinner was totally disgusting (which, there was a definite chance) that I would order a pizza... and BAM that didn't happen!

I felt like I was on a roll, so Sunday, babygirlcakes and I baked sugar cookies and snickerdoodle cookies.

And, I don't know if you can handle this... but not a single one was burnt on the bottom or tasted like I accidentally mixed up the salt and sugar amounts. Which may or may not have happened once.

So, if I am visiting you during the holidays, you may just get a treat. That I didn't buy premaid from Hy-Vee! Woot woot!

Time For A Change

2011-11-12T11:55:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I saw my dermatologist for my yearly full body check. Just to make sure things are A OK... and I think that I may need to start looking for a new doctor.

Doctor: "Hmmm... that is an interesting mole above your belly button..."

Charlie-Girl: "Well, that is because it is a scar..."

Doctor: *pause* "Oh, yes, right."

Really.

Starting With A Bang

2011-11-11T08:18:00.003-06:00

It is 8:07 and already this morning the following things happened:

1.) I fell down the stairs.

2.) I backed out of my garage and directly into my garbage can... I just took out.

3.) One of the VP's said to me while I was getting my coffee, "Hey, aren't you supposed to change after you leave the gym, before coming to work."... because for the first time, probably ever, I wore tennis shoes and a hoodie to work...

4.) While rethinking my casual dress choice and pouring myself a cup dumb-o decaf, I realized that a million grinds were coming out, because the filter had folder over.

So. That is fantastic.

But... Babygirlcakes, just got back from a trip to Florida and brought me back this presh little turtle... What a perfect day to bring him to work too, because I feel like those flat eyes are saying, "Hey chick! You aren't a total disaster!".

He would say it with a lisp too... I totally love to give things lisps.

Baby Makin Machine

2011-11-10T08:42:00.002-06:00

Well, Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar have announced they are expecting their 20th child. Their 20th! Do you even have to push with the 20th or does it just fall out??

But, she Michelle's got nothing on... well, I can't tell you her name, because she is only known as "the wife of Feodor Vassilyev". She has given birth to 69 children... I guess when you have that many names to remember, you can't possibly be expected to know your own, right?!

And, Lord knows she can't forget that stud horse Feodor's name!

Over It

2011-11-09T10:34:00.003-06:00

This morning, I jumped out of bed and ran to the window to see if we really got the snow that was forecasted.

In all honesty, I hit snooze about 37 times and stumbled to the window, probably while scratchin' my hiney... but that doesn't have the same ring... so we will go with my first description.

Aaaaanyway... I looked outside and sure enough, there was a blanket of pretty snow on the ground and I think I actually said "Yeeesss" and did that crazy seventh grade move where you yank your arm back... Is there a name for that move??

All the sudden I wish this was a video blog, so I could demonstrate it for you... There are a few other things I would demonstrate for you as well... like how I can do the splits! But, now I am getting off topic and just bragging.

After quickly throwing on my gym clothes, I ran downstairs and opened my garage door and realized that I didn't have to scrape off my car... or have to run a block away to where I had to park... it was right there waiting for me, clean and warm! Man... this winter was starting off like a dream!

Then, I backed out of my drive way and decided to spend my entire day thinking of ways I can move to another state... one without snow and humidity (can't forget my hair...). It officially took me about 4 minutes to be over this stupid weather and double stupid snow. I can take cold all the live long day... but snow is suuuuuuuch a giant pain in my aforementioned hiney!

Because only me and Jesus were up and going to the gym at that time, none of the roads were cleared off... or so I thought... there was one snow plow that decided to plow all of the snow into a mountain directly in front of the parking lot entrance. So, that was nice of him.

I was trying to have a good attitude because of all this beautiful, mild weather we have been having... but apparently I am over good attitudes too!

On Opposite Day....

2011-11-01T11:57:00.002-05:00

I was heartbroken to hear about the Kim and Kris break up news.

It was clear that their marriage was strongly rooted in sincere love and true life long companionship.

Also, I feel bad for all this negative press she is getting for the cost of her wedding... I think 10 Million is an appropriate budget for her wedding. It was her special day, after all and she is going to do this once, right?! Right?!

I mean, look at her, you can totally tell she is looking into the eyes of the man she thinks of as her "forever".

The Best Time Of The Year

2011-10-31T16:44:00.003-05:00

Remember when I was feeling so down in the dumps because this is my favorite, favorite, favorite... oh, and did I say favorite, time of year and I was missing out on all the beautifulness?!

Well, this weekend totally made up for it. It was the perfect fall weekend.

Friday, we went to a haunted house. The suspense of standing in line at a haunted house is so great....

Saturday we went to a pumpkin patch that had a pedal go kart track (that I dominated at), a petting zoo (at which I promptly asked BF for quarters so I could feed the animals... as if I was 6) and a corn maze! That night, we carved pumpkins, roasted the pumpkin seeds and had delicious chili!

And yesterday was trick-or-treating!

If I was more of an organized planner, I could have shared pictures of this amazingness with you... but I definitely dropped the ball on that one. So, you are just going to have to take my word for it that it was the perfect fall weekend!

Really?

2011-10-27T16:35:00.003-05:00

My Google search for "Funny Homemade Halloween Costumes" yielded this result from MarthaStewart.com... Hmmm. My homemade crafts look a little different than that.

Time Out

2011-10-25T14:21:00.003-05:00

I have been MIA... I know. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing good to talk about, so I just zip-a my lip-a... Then I think I should close down the old bloggity blog, but I can't bring myself to do it. I just love it! I am quite certain that my mom and aunt are the only readers (Shout out! Woot Woot!) and since it is only them, and I talk to them on the phone to fill in the blanks with all that I am not blogging about, occasional and intermittent blogging is permitted. I just shouldn't make a habit of it though...

Let me bring you up to speed... Last time we spoke I had wobbly ankles. I still do. So there is that. I do have a plan though... If I ever trip and fall in public, I am going to instantly go limp and pretend I fainted. No kidding. I was actually thinking about it the other day... Boyfriend and I were in line at the store and my arms were full with groceries and specifically a few wine bottles. I almost lost my grip on one and I decided that if it fell, I was going to drop everything and pretend to become very dizzy, as if the wine was dropped because of a medical issue, not because I am clumsy. This idea is genius if you ask me... I don't look dumb and people feel really bad for my poor dizziness condition.

Anywobblyankles, I got off subject.

Next, Boyfriend, the babycakes and I headed to the big city of Peoria. (If you are a Bachelorette fan, this was totally my "hometown date".) It was a great trip home and I got to see all of my very most favorite people.... you know you who you are Tony Haddad. While we were taking the babycakes site seeing, we came upon a pack of wild turkeys, apparently that is common in cities of more than 370,000 people nowadays. That officially sealed the deal in babyboycakes' mind that he wanted to live there someday... Oh the dreams of children.

Then... well... then I worked. And I didn't do much this past weekend, but watch tons of TV and took a nap and watched two movies (without falling asleep once, and it was after dark! Wahhooo!) and cooked a really yummy authentic Italian supper with Boyfriend.

Actually, speaking of that... once upon a time, when I was a little girl, my dad taught me that the only way to tell if pasta was really done was to throw it against the wall. If it stuck, it was. I am pretty sure that he was lying to me and just being the crazy, fun dad that he was... but still to this day, I am not able to finalize my pasta without throwing it against the wall.

So, that about brings you up to speed. I know... Slow down is what you are probably thinking. All this excitement and activity! I am out of control!

Unsteady

2011-10-11T16:02:00.003-05:00

I have some seriously wobbly ankles. They don't hurt and usually I don't even notice them, except when I wear heels or when my totally rude-o friends make fun of me.

So, you can imagine how hard it was to stay upright while running down stairs today during a building evacuation at a clients office. Eight full floors of wobbly ankled goodness. I understood that there were people behind me, also trying to save their souls from whatever impending doom had prompted this dramatic evacuation... but I needed to focus on not breaking my ankle. Or falling down the stairs... which is also something that I have "dealt with" on a few occasions.

I can also report that wobbly ankles are equally as unsteady going up.

Old School

2011-10-08T08:31:00.003-05:00

In a world of spreadsheets and online banking complete with imports into your bookkeeping system, I choose this route.

I carefully record each debit entry into my spiral notebook, that I have lovingly drawn columns on with my ruler. As each transaction clears my account, I am sure to highlight it!

I do use a calculator to adjust the balance though, as my abacus no longer fit it my purse.

Poker Face

2011-10-03T16:09:00.002-05:00

I have, in the past couple of years, lost my ability to have a poker face. I used to be really good at appearing to be cool, calm and collected... but apparently I can no longer do that. It has been happening more frequently, too. I assumed incontinence and hip problems would develop with old age... but this, I didn't anticipate.

Today a situation came up at work and the second the conversation started I felt my face and chest get hot and my hands started shaking. Shaking for crying out loud!

It is a little bit hard to look like a tough nosed, no nonsense professional when I have sweat on my forehead and I am practically vibrating.

Uppity Update

2011-09-30T15:22:00.002-05:00

...On my bloggity blog.

Guess who is the best little barista in town?? Me, duh!

Remember last week when I was going to start volunteering at my church's coffee bar... well last night was my second week doing it and I LOVE it. All caps, serious wanna marry it, love it.

It is just a short shift and we are done by 8, but I really don't want to leave... I want someone else to come and order a big ol' mocha latte. Um, not a smoothie, though, because I make a mess with those... I digress, another story, another day!

Anyway, back to thinking about what an amazing barista I am...

It was my calling. I knew it, I knew it!

The Bees Knees

2011-09-26T12:44:00.002-05:00

Yesterday BF and I went halfsies on a old school Mobile Traveler. Yep... that's right! We're the proud owners of a big ol' RV!!

We picked it up when it was dark, so I couldn't take a picture... but this guy above bares a striking resemblance.

Ours is way better and has so much more character though... the door doesn't match because the previous owner's son in law had a bit too much to drink and decided to move it with the awning still out. The replacement door was found on the internet and was the only part left of another RV that had gotten swept away in the devastating 2008 Parkersburg tornado.

It has thick orange shag carpet and is decked out in Iowa State posters, banners, etc.

There are four home games left... this thing is going to be a tailgating dream!

We can't stop when the season ends though... Oh no. Why stay in a Marriott when we can plug in to campgrounds all around Nation and vacation in real style!!

What Can I Get Ya?!

2011-09-22T13:54:00.003-05:00

One of my life's dreams is to open a coffee shop. It would have big, huge comfy chairs, and it would smell like hazelnut candles... Sade and Sarah McLachlan would be soothing our souls.

It would be one of those places that you totally love going to, because we are so nice and happy and inviting and we know peoples names and how they like their coffee...

I could day dream for hours and hours about my presh little coffee house. But, alas, it is just a dream... I considered working at Starbucks or Caribou a night or two a week and pretending it was mine (minus telling people what to do asking to see profitability reports)... but working all day and then having a confirmed commitment at night seems like a bit more than I want to deal with.

But guess what!? My church has a coffee shop and they need volunteers! Woo hoo! It is going to be like working at my own coffee shop, but only when I want to! I am sooooo excited, you can't even imagine.

I start tonight. I will be sure to remind the person I will inevitably spill on that they have to forgive me... 7 times 70, right, this is church after all!

Try Try Again

2011-09-21T11:14:00.003-05:00

I made a pact with myself Monday to not go to lunch at all this week, to save money... I have recently gotten in a really bad routine of going to grab this delicious salad from a deli close by.

The not going to get the salad part is going very well... the saving money part, not so much.

Monday had lunch from home, but went shopping and bought a new sweater. Fail.

Tuesday had lunch from home again! ...But decided I needed a pedicure. Fail.

Running to get a salad was way cheaper!

Next weeks pact will have to be to not only bring a lunch... but to not leave my desk!

Get In Line....... After Me.

2011-09-16T15:35:00.003-05:00

My germaphobic issues may be getting a little out of hand. Even I can tell. Last week was the Iowa/Iowa State game, which is practically Iowa's Superbowl. Since it is our busy time, they couldn't very well just give us the day off, so we had a potluck. Potlucks are about the sickest thing I can ever imagine. The second I look at the homemade green bean casserole, I imagine someone coughing in their hand and picking a piece out to "taste test". And, then I want to barf.

One girl was nice enough to walk by my desk and tell me her contribution was store bought...Clearly, I am not doing a very good job of hiding my crazy.

Well. I can tell you that I certainly didn't do a very good job of it today, when I about took somebody out. Football tackle style.

A lady in our office is leaving; today is her last day. I really like her, because she always talks about drinking Busch Light and she wears totally funky jewelry. Important friendship basis factors. So, when I heard her stand up and start her walk around the office for goodbye hugs, I decided I would actually give her one. She seems healthy today, after all!

Right about then, I heard on of the girls nearby say, "Sorry you have to hug me and get my germs today!" THE HELL SHE WAS! I practically took off in a dead sprint to intercept; yelling, "Wait! Hug me first!" I wasn't going to allow this chick to swim in a Petri Dish before I got to say my proper goodbye!

I would like to think they saw my eagerness as sincerity, but I think they have me figured out...

Humpity Hump Day

2011-09-14T13:05:00.006-05:00

Today, I feel a lot like this fella. Down in the dumps. I think it is because I totally love that it is getting chilly out. Weird, right, that I love something and it makes me down in the dumps?! I am not actually down in the dumps because I love the weather, but rather because there are things that I love, love, love that I am missing out on!

Like this weekend is the Pumpkin Festival, by my home town. And, instead of being in that presh little town, enjoying my family and the awesome pumpkin crap... I will be doing something that is not that. I don't know what, and it may even be fun... but it won't be that.

And, it is my totally busy season at work, so that means weekends at the office and that is making me a total grump too.

In other news, that I am too grumpy to really enjoy, but wanted to share anyway... because in a couple of days, I am going to love that I rediscovered it...

These guys do exist!

Where Two Or More Are Gathered

2011-09-09T14:32:00.002-05:00

It makes me sad that in this Nation, One Nation Under God, formal prayer was banned at the memorial services for one of our Country's greatest tragedies.

When we take time to consider the hurt and pain and anger that was inside those that attacked us, how can we not, as a Nation, cry out to the Lord to thank Him for the Mercy and Grace that He shows us each and every day... and thank him for allowing us to find peace and comfort in the moments that will change our lives forever.

I may just have a tiny voice, but for that tragedy and for those that were affected by it, I will stand in the gap...

Dear Heavenly Father -

You held a father back for just an extra few minutes, because Your plan for his wife and children were bigger than that day. You looked upon a mother that lost her daughter and held her heart, allowing her to take her next breath, even though the pain was so deep she thought she couldn't. You pulled us out of the darkness of our doubts and fears in a time when that darkness was so consuming.

Thank you for the people you put into place during that time, that saved lives, that gave their lives, that endured so much to show your love.

Thank you for being the Great Protector and the Great Healer. Thank you for Your mercy and grace, that knows no boundaries.

In Jesus' Name - Amen.

Weekend Wrap Up

2011-09-06T16:43:00.003-05:00

Boyfriend, the little babycakes and I went to his grandma's 88th birthday party Friday night. The cake balls were a huge hit! The preparation improvisation went completely unnoticed! His family is so much fun; it reminds me of being with my fam, because everybody is just so relaxed and joking and normal. I knew we had to drive home that night, but we started playing dice and I totally didn't want to leave. So, by the time we left, it was later than we wanted and it was storming so bad outside!

The second we started driving, we knew it was going to be a sketchy situation; we couldn't see even a foot in front of the car and the wind was really bad... but once we got to the highway (we were gravel roadin' it to this point) it seemed to let up just a bit. Perfect timing, since I have the bladder of a 3 year old... and had to ask bf to stop. He probably wanted to lean right over and push me out of the car. Because, it really does seem like every time my seat belt clicks in place, something in my brain sends a message to my bladder that within 10 minutes we should probably stop. And, tonight was not the night to be stopping for this nonsense. What's worse is that since I was already stopping, I figured it would be appropriate to get a cup of coffee as well. Time was just a tickin!

By the time I got outside, I could hardly open my car door, because the wind and the rain was so bad... my pit stop allowed the storm to catch up! BF's son was not having it at all, either. At. All. I was going to have to watch my back, for sure. BF may not have pushed me out for asking to stop, but there was nothing stopping this precious little spider monkey from attacking me and dumping hot coffee all over my lap for causing us to be in this scary situation!

So, down the road we headed. Or so we thought, we couldn't really tell. Every once in a while the lightning allowed us to confirm we were still on the road though, so we had that going for us. The car was shaking, the rain was going in circles and there was so much debris on the ground. If I would have been driving, you better believe I would have thrown up my arms and belted out Jesus Take The Wheel, Carrie Underwood style. BF was holding it together though. Right up until the car started vibrating and we happened upon a downed tree, completely covering the roadway. That's what got him, I think. So, we drove to the next town up and stopped at what we assumed was a fully operational hotel. We couldn't really tell though, because all the power was out.

You guys do know that I am deathly afraid of storms, right? Do I need to remind you of that? I was actually hoping for the spider monkey attack and spilled coffee, because then I wouldn't need to explain why grownups sometimes have accidents in their pants!

As we made our way to the rooms... led down the hallway by emergency lights and I happily announced "Boys in one bed, girls in the other! What a cool adventure!" I was secretly wondering if I had a permanent marker in my purse, so I could write my Social Security Number and next of kin of my thigh.

Anyway. We made it through the night though, safe and sound. The. End.

Chapter two.

Isn't this the longest bloggity blog I have written in years?! It's like I woke up this morning and decided to give you a little literary treat!

So I am going to get a little vulnerable.

Please hold.

Ok. I typically write about crazy happenings in my little neck of the woods and keep the serious-ness to myself. But, today, I decided that I am going to share a short little snippet of something with you. Because I got to thinking... that I would like to be able to look back a year from now, or 5 years from now and know just how happy I am in this very moment.

Yesterday, BF and I were headed home from him his hometown. No tornadoes this time! And a drive that would normally take about 2 hours (including bathroom breaks) took about 7 and I loved every second of it. We just drove and talked and went down roads we didn't know existed... and BF showed me a covered bridge. We even drew "BF + Charlie-Girl Forever" in it. It was a day that I wanted to have a million more of with him in my life.

Cheater Cheater Cake Ball Eater

2011-09-02T15:06:00.003-05:00

We are visiting BF's hometown tonight to go to his gram's birthday party. Whenever we go there, I feel so bad, because I didn't prepare anything in advance of the visit and I show up to the party empty handed... and my mamma taught me better than that.

So, last night, I decided to make my famous cake balls. BF's little girl babycakes helped me!

Unfortunately, we were a little short on time and cake ball making is really an involved project. You have to bake the cake first, then smash it up with the frosting, then roll balls, then freeze it, then roll it in almond bark... Aren't you totally tired just thinking about doing all of those steps?! And, I don't even have eggs and oil... so this is a start from scratch process! With that, I decided to improvise.

Now... I know when you are baking with an impressionable little girl, you should teach her the proper ways to do things.

I have never even turned on my oven since I lived at my new place, though, so maybe learning anything from me in regards to food preparation is not the best idea.

Off to Walmart we went, to get a completely pre-made and decorated cake. And, some almond bark.

Step 1: Take the cake out of the container.

Step 2: Smash the whole thing up!

No extra ingredients needed! No dirty mixer! No need to wait for baking and cooling time!

We eliminated the first two hours of work!

Geeeeeeeeeeeenius!

Case Of The Mondays

2011-08-29T16:53:00.003-05:00

Here is a little of me that you may not know...

1.) I pride myself in the fact that I am a quick responder to emails and texts. I don't mess around.

2.) My current fav dinner is a bowl of Shredded Wheats.

3.) Whenever I see Fried Green Tomatoes or Steel Magnolias on TV, I instantly miss my mamma.

4.) I can give myself a pedicure that looks better than a $50 nail spa one. In fact, my little pigs look way better when I do them, then when I go to a place.

5.) One of my many nicknames at work is "Bucket"... as in Charlie Bucket from Willy Wonka. It is my fav and totally cracks me up.

6.) I routinely type out my prayers and email them to myself, because I feel like I can better articulate myself when I am writing then when I am talking.

7.) I, secretly, am totally addicted to all things Jersey. I can't get enough of Jerseylicious, Real Housewives of New Jersey and the Jersey Shore.

8.) I have to drive back home, after I leave my house, at least three times a week to make sure I shut my garage door.

Blessed

2011-08-27T13:51:00.003-05:00

Today is absolutely, amazingly beautiful. It is one of those days that make you so sad that summer will soon be gone.

BF and I slept in, then went to one of our favorite breakfast places in Des Moines East Village and then went for a drive. He always takes me to places I didn't even know existed. Like, this precious little carousel!

I love Des Moines. I love him. I love this day.

Special Day

2011-08-24T08:14:00.002-05:00

Dad: "This is Tom!"

Charlie-Girl: "Hi Dad!"

Dad: "No. This is TOM."

Charlie-Girl: "...Hi Dad."

Dad: "Not DON, Tom!"

Charlie-Girl: "DAD! Hi DAD. Not Don or TOM, Dad!"

Dad: "Oh, yeah, hi!"

Apparently, on my dad's special day, turning another year older, he is going to celebrate by embracing hearing loss.

Even still, I sure do love him!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY (Yelling!), Dad!

If You Can't Beat 'Em....

2011-08-23T10:05:00.002-05:00

Over the next several weeks/months I am going to lose my bf each and every Saturday. And some Friday and Sunday nights.

The season hasn't even officially started yet and already there are signs of this disappearing act.

I have been a longtime fan of... well... tailgating and day drinking myself, but I chose to not make it about the game, so much, but more about everything that is going on during that game. Like beer pong. And flippy cup. And delicious cook out food.

This year, though, I am going to make a true effort and read the book that has been collecting dust on my shelf for a few years now....

Get Your Own Damn Beer, I Am Watching The Game! promises to not only entertain me, but to explain football in a way I can understand.

So far, hints such as this when discussing fumbles, "If this type of boo-boo occurs to HIS team, scream at your TV and throw things" do bode well. That. I get.

That'll Teach Me

2011-08-19T12:57:00.003-05:00

We are in our "Open Enrollment" (read: incredibly busy) time at work right now and to keep morale up, Senior Managers gave us all Open Enrollment t-shirts to wear on Friday, if we so choose.

I so choose to not wear a big old purple smurple t-shirt in public.

I am rethinking my position on said smurple, however, because they have a drawing for the people who wear them each Friday... So far I have missed out on several $25 gift cards and a dang PTO day. It was the PTO day that got me...

So, last week, I decided to wear mine. But, alas, that particular day, in the grand tradition of how my life works, they threw every body's name in and mine was not chosen. Total waste of a wear.

I was thinking about wearing it this morning and then taking it off after the drawing, but I thought that would be classless and tacky... two things that I am not. I. Am. Not.

Fast forward to now...

I was dying for some Sushi, but since I am busy, I didn't want to go to a place and have it... so I opted for take out.

So, there I was, sitting at my desk, eating my take out sushi with chopsticks, like the fancy beeeotch I am... and I noticed that a co-worker actually did the smurple quick change!

Oh. Em. Gee. Really!

So, I sat there totally judging her lack of class, while pouring some soy sauce on my sushi. Holding my chopsticks in my mouth, a la a walrus... when the CFO walks by and says "Nice Look....".

That is what I get for judging I guess.... Look whose the classless and tacky one now!

Mother Nature's Gymnasium

2011-08-18T16:09:00.003-05:00

When I go for a run in the morning... since only me and little baby Jesus are up... I take it upon myself to take full advantage of my little piece of the world.

I usually run right down the middle of the road, like I own the place, but today I was feeling a little jazzy, so when I got to my turning point, I decided to bust out some jumping jacks.

I can't imagine what some poor person heading to the early shift would think of a random jumping jacker in the road... Don't think that stops me though... next time, I am doing burpees.

I am totally kissing my muscles right now.

Dear...

2011-08-10T12:05:00.004-05:00

Everyone...

Will you please not put:

on your vehicles??

They totally stress me out. I really get a sick feeling in my stomach and a headache... and the larger the family, the worse I start to feel... And God help us if they have pet pictures.

Do you think that says something about me??

Nah! Me neither!

Inflation?

2011-08-09T16:41:00.002-05:00

Remember when you walked around the neighborhood with your friends selling candy bars for church or sports and they were like 50 cents?

Sell one, eat one, sell one, eat one more... Oh, you didn't test your supply?! Yeah, me neither!

Or, when you had to sell like 8 year magazine subscriptions for $5.95? I personally didn't like that one, because I was a horrible salesman and at our school, the more magazines you sold the more Weebles you got for you key chain. I was forced to just stair at other peoples, thinking about how much cooler they were than me and ways I could steal them.

Does anyone else remember Weebles?? The things with crazy troll hair and sticky feet, so you could stick them to your desk??

Sometimes I think I made them up, because no one knows what I am talking about when I mention them (you know, they come up in conversation a lot)... and I googled them and no luck...

Anyway, I digress.

Well, the other day two kids (that actually weren't kids at all, they were like 20) came to my door to sell cookbooks for $45.00 a pop!

What the hell happened to 50 cent candy bars and troll hair dolls? That is practically a full tank of gas! Typically, I would make a pitty purchase... but, as I don't actually cook, therefore would have no use for a cookbook and I don't want to have to budget this in... I am going to take a pass.

Old School Saturday Mornings

2011-08-06T09:17:00.003-05:00

Today, BF has a conference to go to at our church, so I am spending the day hanging out with his babycakes. We have a totally fun day planned... lunch at the one, the only... Smasburger (I had to convince his son that Smashburger for breakfast is not the best idea in the world... he is way excited) and then painting pottery!

This morning though, totally has me taking a walk right down memory lane! I used to love, love, love Saturday mornings at home; Saturday morning had the best shows on! California Dreams, Saved by the Bell, Pee Wee's Play House, Fraggle Rock! Do you totally remember those?! The Smurfs and Scooby Doo were on too, but our mom wouldn't let us watch those... you know, all that soul corrupting ghost hunting and sorcery going on...

But, we didn't care, because even though we weren't allowed to watch those shows, they did make us some delicious blueberry "pannycakes".

Oh, how I wish I was eight years old right now! But, since I am way past that, I am just going to join right in with them and pretend I am for a few hours!

Caution: May Cause Bodily Harm

2011-08-05T08:40:00.005-05:00

This morning I got a little over zealous with my lotion/spray/body dew oil routine and it is about to cause an accident.

I first noticed my issue when I sat my elbow down on the middle console in my car, only to notice a big ol' grease circle from by elbow.

Next, I nearly bit it walking into work, because my toes are so oily they won't stay in my sandals.

The final clue was when I sat my elbow on my desk (sometimes it takes me a minute to really get things, and apparently the grease circle in the car had already escaped me...) and it slid on down, causing me to fall forward.

I am like a regular old coconut smellin' slip and slide right now... not a dry patch it sight.

False Sense Of Security

2011-08-04T08:23:00.004-05:00

This morning I got up at about 5 to go for a run. Since it was still dark, I grabbed what I thought was my pepper spray out of the car.

It was dark in the garage and apparently I was still half asleep, because when I got about a mile out, into a pretty dark and desolate area, I clutched my pepper spray for security only to realize I had grabbed my extra car key, not my weapon!

Weapon makes me sound so tough, doesn't it!?

What would I have done, jabbed my attacker?? Or maybe tried to start them?

The good news is I made it home safe and sound and because I had my key and not my spray, there was not chance of an another incident like last summer!

Heat Index: 115 Degrees

2011-07-19T14:52:00.002-05:00

Just when I start to think about the fact that Swamp Ass is inevitable... even if you are just walking into work...

I think about the alternative and I am just fine with it.

Chillin In My Snuggie

2011-07-14T11:32:00.003-05:00

My office is totally freezing, all the time... So, I brought my stolen airplane blanket from home to wrap myself up in while I am working. I wrap it around my neck and arms like a shawl and then stick my fingers out to type.

Well, the other day, a co-worker stopped by to drop of a little present for me! A Snuggie! She said it was sad to see my little fingers sticking out from the blanket and this would allow me to have full access to my desk, while still keeping warm!

I tested this fantastic little treat out and there is only one issue..... As you know, I get up around 4:40 every morning, so generally speaking, there is never a time I am not just a little bit tired and now that I have given up caffeine too, being wrapped up in this soft, dangerously cozy snuggie makes me think that my next gift will be a pink slip. For sleeping at my desk.

It's Friday, Friday, Friday, Oooooh!

2011-07-01T15:56:00.003-05:00

1.) This picture was chosen for no apparent reason, other than I just love these two. Well... really her more than him. She is absolutely beautiful. I hope in their private moments at home, with no cameras around, they have fun and screw around with each other... Like slappin butts and watching tv in their pj's.

2.) This week I went fishin! Real, old fashion worm/dirt/pond fishin!! It was boyfriends birthday, so we went with his little babycakes. They caught 18 together and I contributed a whopping 1... but, I was in my dress from work (who wouldn't go fishin in a dress?!) so I got a pass on this trip!

3.) Remember when I wrote myself the Stuart Smally note?! Don't worry, I didn't remember either, because it was so long ago! But, today I found this... "You are independent and strong. You have great friends and a fantastic life. You are happy and you deserve to be. Oh, and you are totally beautiful too!" Clearly, I was really caught up in my love for myself by that last line!

Lesson Learned

2011-06-27T12:27:00.002-05:00

My parents came to stay with me this weekend because my dad was in an art show here in Des Moines and since my brother was in the States, he joined them!

Sunday, my mom went to the art show with my dad, a little earlier than Kristopher and I. So, while I was getting ready, Kristopher was reading. So I thought.

When I walked downstairs I noticed quickly that he had actually not been reading, after all. He had been busy turning my place upside down. Literally. He hung every picture upside down, turned everyone of my Coffee and Dining Room table tiles upside, he even turned everyone of my rugs upside down. But, what really got me is that he took the time to actually take my pictures out of the frames and reframe them upside down.

I later discovered that he hid the toaster up above my cabinets in the kitchen. Lord knows what more I will find as the week progresses.

I very clearly need to speed my "getting ready" process up considerably.

Overwhelming Fumes

2011-06-24T14:49:00.002-05:00

I ran to my mothership (Victoria Secret Semi-Annual Sale) over my lunch hour.

In most cases when I visit that store, I walk out smelling a bit like a hooker and this visit was no exception.

I had to go to a meeting as soon as I got back, though, and ooooooh my goodness. I felt so bad for the person I was sitting next to, because I was even grossing myself out. It is hard to pinpoint exactly which smell I bathed in that smelled like sweet, yet spicy ass, because there were oh so many of them... But, I do now know how to give myself a sink bath in my office restroom.

I Am Switching

2011-06-22T16:33:00.002-05:00

To the Metric System.

I just went to Mexico and turns out that you weigh like half of what you really weigh, you run twice as far and twice as fast.

That sounds pretty darn encouraging to me!

Pet?

2011-06-21T13:14:00.002-05:00

I went on a super long walk with my my great friends Ryan and Bryan last night and it turned out to be quite a hike... I think all total, we covered about 6 miles, saw a big gigantic snapping turtle and the cutest little baby frogs you can ever imagine. I googled this picture, but that is seriously how tiny these little babycakes were. I thought one was a little pebble and almost stepped on it, but then I realized what it was.

I totally can't stop thinking about how totally adorbs it was... So I emailed Ryan this morning with a plan...

Me: I think I am going to go find one of those mini frogs and have it as a pet....

Ryan: Remember... they do get bigger. Like kids. Also, you can't just get it and then give it away later.

Me: Why can't I get it and then give it away?? I would actually get it, wait until it became like 2 inches long... which would make it lose all of it's cuteness, of course... and then I would toss it out of my slider! While he was still under 2 inches, and I still loved him, though, I would name him Dog. Dog the Frog.

Ryan: ANIMAL KILLER! Of course, after he lost off of his ability to survive on his own... it would only make sense to throw him out to the wild to be killed/die!! Leave those mini frogs alone, you bully!

Clearly, he is just way to sensitive to discuss my plan with... Expect him to not be invited to Dog's welcome home party.

Tryin' It Out

2011-06-06T10:11:00.002-05:00

I have not kept it a secret that I seriously hate running... I am not a runner, but I do force myself to do it as much as I can.

Boyfriend is also not a runner and he may or may not know it.

Yesterday, he didn't know it and suggested we try something new he had been reading about, barefoot running. Our Lord and Savior engineered our feet perfectly, who needs Nike, right?!

I am up for trying new things, so we headed out and gave it a whirl.

Pros:

I was so focused on not stepping on a big piece of glass or a gigantic rock, that it really did take my mind off of the run itself... allowing me to run faster and longer.

I could tell that I worked my calve muscles more, because of the placement of my foot when it hit the ground. (That may or may not be a good thing... I haven't checked into it yet...).

Not having to put on shoes and socks cut down the "getting ready" process by about 45 seconds.

Cons:

We really did look pretty silly, truckin down the street with work out clothes on and no shoes. I was dying for someone to say something to us, so I could yell out, "Don't worry! We are barefoot runners!!".

Maybe you shouldn't take you first couple of runs in a neighborhood with children. I can tell you, that if you miss a rock and accidentally step on it, eff bombs are getting dropped. You can't even help it.

The barefoot running shoes (isn't that a contradiction?!) are about $90 at Scheels and they are so ugly!

Final Report:

I may try it again, if coaxed and without coaxing I may try on the barefoot running shoes and take a lap or two around Scheels, I think a true customer assessment would be a good idea.

Web MD

2011-05-26T15:51:00.002-05:00

I have been diagnosed via Web MD today with Strep, Mono and Pink Eye.

I have had a sore throat since last Thursday... I woke up this morning with my eye swollen shut, but now it is just red... And, I have been so tired lately, so today, I went and took a nap at a park on my lunch break.

I bet I looked preeeettttty creepy to the kids playing there today!

Web MD apparently doesn't diagnose boredom and allergies.

Awkward

2011-05-25T16:17:00.002-05:00

I had to meet my coworker in the hotel lobby this morning, so we could head to a meeting location together.

While I was waiting... drinking my decaf and reading a book... totally minding my own business... I noticed a young girl in a housekeeping uniform come over and start talking to a man working on his laptop nearby. He was about 45ish and she was about 20ish.

During the next five minutes or so, after eaves dropping on their conversation... I mean.. minding my own business... I learned that they both had significant others and that he traveled there every two weeks for work... I also learned that their relationship had warranted a call, to him, from her boyfriend that apparently didn't go well.

So, basically, this business man shacks up with the Cedar Rapids Hilton Housekeeper every two weeks. And, her boyfriend... who just recently got a job, and is making about $35K a year... doesn't really like it.

He must be still keeping it a secret from his girl. Very nice.

Please excuse me, while I go barf.

If you are going to talk about your private business.... please do not do it standing 3 feet away from me, you jack asses.

Childhood Memories

2011-05-23T13:44:00.003-05:00

Last night I played hide and go seek with Boyfriend's little babycakes. I haven't played that game for about... oh... twenty years or so and now I remember why.

First, I am bad at it. I am not exactly easily hide-able. If I am not too tall for the hiding space, then my hair won't all fit inside... God help us if we play on a humid day.

Next... it is SO scary! I forgot that I thought it was scary until I went to hide for the first time and I am not kidding... all that suspense of getting found, or worse, not getting found!

As I was hiding under the blanket behind the loveseat I was barely able to breathe, because I could hardly take it! That is probably another reason why I am not a very good hider... all that heavy breathing and nervous laughing is a dead give away.

Childhood is touch and go sometimes...

Mission: Failed

2011-05-19T16:26:00.004-05:00

Do you ever notice that when you are out shopping and you do not have money to be spending on clothes, you find millions and millions of things you want so bad... but when you plan a shopping trip and have money to spend on clothes, you can't find anything!

Is this just me, folks?!

If I was Julie Roberts in Pretty Woman, in the totally dramatic part when she is like "I have money to spend in here!!", I wouldn't have been yelling it because the snobby sales girl wouldn't find a dress in my size, it would be because I couldn't find anything and I was getting so pissed and tired of shopping!

I am in total desperado need of new work clothes, so I can stop vacillating between looking like the office frumpster or the office hoochie mamma, so I specifically went out last night intending to pick up a few new things... I even have money set aside for such a trip.

But guess what!? I got a sundress, some cute white shorts, an adorable top that I could never wear in an office setting and some jazzy flat black shoes to wear with the sundress.

And with that... today, I am the hoochie mamma.

Handyman Hank

2011-05-17T18:39:00.003-05:00

Last night Boyfriend was nice enough to help me with some home improvement projects... you know, like changing a few light bulbs and unclogging the sink drain.

Now, I am fully aware that I can do all of these things by myself... but in my defense, they were not normal projects. Most of the lights were the long skinny kind and I am really good at fixing drains, as you can imagine, given my long lustrous mane... but it was a sink one and the stopper thing would not come up or out... I even tried to use my toolbox tools to get it out and nothing!

It is a good thing that I had help, though, because the entire sink had to be taken apart... we even had to go to Lowe's to buy plumbers putty!

The other good reason I had help was because I was clearly not on my game... my only real job during the home improvement projects was to change a lightbulb in the bathroom. The normal kind, not the tricky kind... and I dropped it and it shattered everywhere.

Handyman hank sure is a keeper!

Snobberalla

2011-05-13T12:43:00.002-05:00

It is no secret that I am crazy and that eating and drinking noises annoy me more than almost anything in the world...

Well, they may not be as bad as coughing and I tell you what... it is a veritable cough off in the cubes surrounding mine. By 8:07 this morning, I was contemplating stapling my finger to my leg so I could take my mind off of it.

So, to get away from it, I run over to a coffee shop during lunch, to either read or just sit, in a non infested environment, and stare at the wall.

I have a feeling though that they think I am bitchy.

The coffee shop people... not the people at work. I am a professional after all and keep my nausea and disdain to myself.

A guy that I work with comes here sometimes too, so I mentioned to him one day that it drove me nuts that my drink is always lukewarm because decaf is apparently not brewed as often.

And, really, why would it be. It is so dumb.

He, being the nice guy that he is, took it upon himself to mention it to the counter girl and asked her to start brewing fresh! So nice of him... pissed her right off, I am sure.

Anyway, so the second they see me strutting in... Uh huh, in my mind I strut... She puts a new pot on and then brings it out to me.

They also know that I like the chairs by the fire and for the fire to be on... one girl even asks if it is warm enough for me.

I hope that they understand that I am not really a total snob blob, that I am just stressed out... from the cesspool from which I am trying to find respite!

Hijacked?

2011-05-13T12:41:00.002-05:00

Dear Blogger -

Where are my blogs from this week? Two seem to be missing in action...

Let me know what you find out, I guess.

Thanks, LYLAS,

Charlie Girl

User Error?

2011-05-12T12:10:00.000-05:00

Do you know that feeling of panic you get when you get a sick feeling in your stomach and you start to sweat and you feel like you have to poop?

Oh, not the last one for you? Hmmm, weird.

Well, that totally happened to me this morning when I almost got stuck in my car.

When I was leaving the gym this morning it was still dark and I was tired and when I went to push my seat belt in the clicker, I did notice that I had to push extra hard... but I really didn't think too much about it.

Until I got home, pulled in my garage, shut the car off and tried to get out. Apparently, my shirt got pushed down into the clicker too and I could not get the seat belt off. Like, it seriously wouldn't budge. I was thinking that if need be, I could cut it off, but I didn't want to cut it and I didn't have anything to cut it with. I supposed I could muster the strength to bite through it, just like the man that had to saw his own arm off... but that would be a last resort, obviously.

Finally, after a few long, grueling minutes of pulling with all my might, I got it off... and ripped my shirt.

I am sure you can only imagine my sense of relief!

Humpity Hump Day

2011-05-11T19:04:00.000-05:00

First things first... Chicago was uh. may. zing! We seriously had the best time, even if the Cubbies didn't pull out a win...

Did that just convincingly sound like I actually watched??

In other news. I am one cheap mammasita, so these gas prices are killing me. Also, I happen to have a lease and I am also ridiculous about miles.

Which is why I am happy it is summer, because last night instead of driving to the mall to get my eyebrows threaded... I just hoofed it on over there!

So what if the threading took a little longer than normal because my face was a little sweaty betty from my jaunt and the thread kept slipping... Thanks to the 95 degree temp and the 100% humidity, my big gigantic horse hair provided a shelf for her to rest her little elbow as she worked!

You Are...

2011-05-04T14:25:00.003-05:00

About to be the biggest jeal-y belly in the world. Because guess what I am about to do?!

Um... Just head to Chicago, only one of the greatest cities ever... with my great boyfriend... to go watch the Cubs and explore the city.

I knew it... you totally are aren't you!?

Getting Better

2011-05-03T13:07:00.003-05:00

I recently took a country road trip and typically, I would have refused to let my car even go... Unpaved roads, extra miles, dust on the outside and garbage on the inside would have been a recipe for a rental.

You would think I am rockin a BMW or something...

But, I did it and even with very few comments. Ok, well maybe it was more than a few, but it wasn't like constant or anything.

I will admit, I did have to go directly to the carwash when I got home and even though it was late, I windexed the outside and inside of every window before I went to bed.

So while my OCD tendencies have not subsided, I think I am making one heck of an effort to manage them better!

Baby steps!

Predictable

2011-05-01T16:36:00.001-05:00

Do you want to know something that I love…. Every time I leave my hair appointments, my hair girl Ellie she asks if I want to schedule a new appointment and each time I tell her no, because I really have full intentions of waiting longer in between times!

But, then I cave at the last minute and send her a frantic text asking if she can fit me in and she always can… no matter what.

It is not because she is not busy or booked up… it is because she knows me well enough to know my game by now and has prescheduled me in every 4 week on Thursday!

This totally makes me want to sing the song from Cheers about everybody knowing your name.

Email Etiquette

2011-04-28T11:49:00.001-05:00

It is completely unsettling to me when I get a ridiculously rude email that ends in a cute little tagline like “"I am fairly certain that given a cape and a nice tiara, I could save the world”.

Negative, sister. I think you are more apt to receive a broomstick than a tiara…

When your tagline contradicts the way in which you interact or the content of your message… go ahead and delete!

Blabbity Bla On My Bloggity Blog

2011-04-27T13:14:00.002-05:00

1.) I have a hard time determining the difference between a gas attack and an appendicitis attack. I am fairly certain that at the gym this morning, it was the former, because I am feeling perfectly fine at the moment. Even though, admittedly, the first thought that ran through my mind was, "Oh shit... my appendix just ruptured...".

2.) I am totally jealo of my big bro that lives in London... because even though he "could give a flying asscrack about Will and Kate and their fairytale wedding", I would totally be one of the people camping out right now. The fact that he gets to live there is a total waste of occupancy in my opinion.

3.) Anytime someone looks at you strangely and way too excitedly says "Oh my goodness, I love that shirt!!!... I feel like that is a lie.

4.) I am currently suffering from seasonal affective disorder, which has only been compounded by the rain that is making my hair retarded and the fact that I have no cute clothes to wear. Throw in my head cold and I am ticking time bomb...

Award Winning

2011-04-26T20:52:00.002-05:00

If my office handed out awards, I would totally get the loudest noseblower award today...

I have a bad cold and my nose is totally raw thanks to the one ply toilet paper I consistently steal from the bathroom to cut out Kleenex purchases from my budget and I just heard somebody yell, "What the hell was that?!".

It is a little hard to be mad at the blue chip eater and the gum popper when I sound like an Elephant, though... so while my nose feels like it is going to fall off, my attitude towards office staff has improved...

Busy Little Bee

2011-04-02T13:56:00.002-05:00

At the end of moving day, I was about to dramatically throw myself on the floor and declare that I couldn't do it anymore... In fact, I did dramatically declare... in my very whiniest voice... that I was a girl and I shouldn't have to do thing like move big dressers up the stairs. But, thanks to boyfriends coaching and encouragement (and I was pretty sure, since I was annoying myself, I was annoying him and I couldn't afford for him to leave), I zipped it up and didn't quit and I am officially moved in to my amazingly beautiful new place!

I seriously love it!

But, I didn't have a ton of time to enjoy it though, because Wednesday I had to fly to Detroit, the angriest city in the United States, for work. I didn't think they seemed angry, though. In fact, it was a pretty good trip and people were pretty nice!

Earlier this week, I was so distracted by work and my move, that I took two different shoes with me to the gym and to make matters worse... they were both right footers... so I couldn't even make it work. I hate when I do that! I seems like I have been running like a chicken with my head cut off.

But, now my shoes match, I am home, the weather is beautiful, I had a Bloody Mary for breakfast this morning and I have no dressers that need to be carried up a flight of stairs.

Theft Of Baby Jesus

2011-03-23T15:56:00.002-05:00

I was out shopping with the family when I was home for Christmas and my mischievous little sister convinced me to steal my mom's dorky nativity scene broach... her outfit was so cute, but that little broach was making her look like a total nerd alert.

I had full intentions of giving it back when we got home, but once the robbery was complete, in my pocket it went and I forgot all about it.

Well... even though you would not think that I would have to bust out my winter coat at the end of March... especially after a night of tornado warnings, this morning and I did.

As soon as I stuck my hand in my pocket, I was reminded of the fact that I sneak attack'd little baby Jesus off of my mom's trendy sweater!

I kind of did her a favor... And, my sister really did make me do it... but, it makes me sad every time I stick my five finger discount into my pocket.

Dear Mamma... and baby Jesus in the manger... I am sorry and I promise next Christmas, I will spend more time celebrating your birth and less time being a stealer.

Do You....

2011-03-21T14:13:00.002-05:00

...think it would be rude if I posted a note or two on a nearby computer that simply said...

HEY LADY: QUIT POPPIN YOUR DAMN GUM!

I can't believe she doesn't annoy herself!

You've Been Warned

2011-03-20T16:22:00.005-05:00

Yesterday, I had the unfortunate pleasure of going to my first (and last) estate sale. I was tricked.

One with a freaking glass doll room. I was skeeved out before seeing that, but the brown shag carpet doll room about pushed me over the ledge.

I know this picture is totally bad quality, but surreptitiously flicking pictures is not my specialty. Although, it is something that I am working on getting better at. (Not like a New Years Resolution or anything, just trying harder...)

Anyway, to all those that love me and may potentially be in charge of my "estate" when I pass. I swear to the good Lord in Heaven. If you allow random booger diggin people to rummage through my things, my ghost when kick your ass.

No joke.

Do It!!!

2011-03-17T19:19:00.003-05:00

Would you please for one second check out this chick?!?!

I know you can't see her face very well, but what kind of quality can I expect when I found this by trolling facebook... But, you can totally see her big ol' precious melon. In fact, this beautiful little chick has a name, but effective immediately after I found out she was preggers, I forgot it, and only call her by melon. It just seems appropriate.

She is the one that busted out my mom.

Anyway. I went to lunch with her today, but it was so hard for me to concentrate on anything we were talking about, because I could only focus on how totally adorbs she is and how much I wanted her water to break!

How great would that have been if right there during our Asian chicken salads she busts like a balloon all over our table neighbors and I had to dramatically start yelling about the lady with the baby and rush her to the hospital!

Is it weird that is all situations I am secretly hoping for stuff like that to happen?!

I was trying to get her to do it, but she explained it doesn't quite happen like that and she wasn't super pumped about gushin' all over folks' shoes...

Every party has a pooper, I guess!

Tale Of The Tipsy Giver

2011-03-15T12:49:00.004-05:00

These two chicks share my birthday month and we all happened to be turning 29. So, we decided to throw a 29 and Lookin' Fine partaaaay this past Saturday night.

I took my actually birthday off from work, so I could get a manicure and shop and just relax and while I was out, I picked up a really cool bracelet.

Well, apparently, I tend to be quite the little giver when I have had a few too many shots!

Random Girl: I love your bracelet!

Tipsy Charlie Girl: OMG, I know, isn't it great! As I am taking it off... You can totally have it!

Random Girl: What?! Are you serious!

Tipsy Charlie Girl: Yes! I love doing this! If you love it, you can have it!

Now... the non-tipsy, not quite as generous me was pretty pissed this morning when I went to put it on.

This is not the first time this has happened either... Thank God she didn't say she liked my shirt, I suppose!

P.S. Would you just look at this adorable-ness:)

Why Are Banks Open Today?

2011-03-09T17:34:00.003-06:00

I had the day off in honor of by Birthday... didn't you all?! It is so weird that some of you still had to work!

You can tell from the excitement in Daniel's card and accompanying letter that he had the day off in honor of my birthday, I'm sure!

You would think that this kind of giddiness in my mind would subside as I get older, but it doesn't. I feel like I need to wear a button or something... so everyone will know and we can all celebrate together!

You know who does know it is my birthday?? Caribou Coffee! In fact, they sent me a free drink coupon. Is it bad that I made a copy of it and used one this morning after the gym and used my copied one just now, to have a delicious coffee drink treat while I bloggity blog??

Let's just keep that little sneaky trip under wraps, shall we?!

So... Goodbye 28, hello 29.

Here I come!

Impeccable Timing

2011-03-08T20:33:00.003-06:00

I recently purchased new living room furniture! It is dark chocolate brown and so comfy and cozy!!

So I decided to put my old stuff on Craigslist and just yesterday, I had a buyer.

The good news is, I sold my old stuff so I don't have to worry about where I am going to donate it and having to get it out of my apartment...

The bad news is... My new stuff is being delivered directly to my new place the day I move. At the END OF THE MONTH!

So, for the next two weeks, I will be having carpet picnics!

I was a little depressed looking at such a sad sight last night, right up until I started doing my push ups and sit ups before bed and I realized how much space I had!

I totally felt like the guys on Step Brothers...

Look at all this floor space! We can do aerobics in here!

Uh... It Is Not What You Think

2011-03-06T17:23:00.003-06:00

When I went to London last year, some friends that I met at a pub were teaching me about a drinking game that they play called "Eff Me". Except, you use the real word, not "eff"... but this is a classy bloggity blog.

Don't worry, this story is not going to have an ending reminiscent of Jodie Foster in The Accused...

Anyway, each person has a kind of "Eff"... Like I would be "Crazy Eff" and someone else is "Sloppy Eff"... So, if it was my turn, I would have to sing this little song:

OOOOOOooooooh Eff Me!!!!! Crazy Eff, What the Eff, Now I want a Sloppy Eff...

And, then Sloppy Eff has to go and sing either my type of Eff or another persons. But, you have to be fast about it, because everybody is clapping and you have to pay attention and know every one's type of Eff, because if you get it wrong, you have to take a shot.

It was a total blast and seriously funny, because when you really get going, you just end of yelling Eff! a lot and there is just something funny about that.

Well, I wrote it down in this little notebook that I carry around, because I didn't want to forget it.

If you don't carry around a notebook or a small thing of post it notes, to jot down ideas when you have them, I encourage you to do so... You just can't imagine how handy that is!

Well... I keep my notebook in my computer bag and the other day, I forgot my bag at BF's house. Now, I am not saying I am a peaker... Ok, actually, I am saying that. Not every single time, but I am not the type of girl you leave waiting in a doctors office for two long, because stuff will end up in my purse.... I am pretty sure that BF isn't like that though... but what if he was and he looked in my computer bag, opened up my notebook and just saw this in big ol' letters on the very first page:

OOOOOOooooooh Eff Me!!!!! Crazy Eff, What the Eff, Now I want a Sloppy Eff...

Can you imagine what a total crazy hooker he probably thinks I am!?!

Elderly Entitlement

2011-03-05T09:36:00.002-06:00

Please meet Carl. My Neighbor.

I don't actually know his name, but in my head it is Carl because he looks and acts so much like the guy from Up. He is a total grump, but you can tell that he is actually a precious little man.

The average age at my apartment complex is about 26 and the drink of choice is Jager, so Carl is bucking the trend a bit... I guess I might be a little bit of grump too if I couldn't lounge my old bones by the pool peacefully during the summer time, because it might interfere with the kick ass game of tippycup that has captivated the rest of the crowd.

Anyway, sometimes the non kickboxing days at my gym get boring so instead of going there, I just run at my apartment gym. I go at about 5:00 AM and each time I do it, it is just me and ol' Carl. I wave to him when I walk in, just out of courtesy... we are the only two in the whole place after all, but he just gives me a dirty look back and looks away! I don't care though, because he wears a sweat band around his forehead and I love it!

This past Thursday morning Carl and I got there at about the same time... I waved, he grimaced, of course... but I noticed he was carrying in a big fan.

I got on the treadmill, he headed to the elliptical. But, before he got on, he propped up this fan in the window right by his face!

He finally got on and started working out, but after a few minutes the machine started making a banging noise.

That is when this little old man, with his sweat band, gets off the machine, goes to his bag, grabs a hammer and starts banging away!!!!

Finally a piece of something bends and then falls off and Carl got back on and started working away... the fan just cooling him right off.

Maybe at that age you don't have the luxury to wait for help?!

Brilliant

2011-03-01T19:49:00.002-06:00

This morning when I was putting on my pants and the claspy thing broke, I was thrilled with my genius move to just sew them up real quick.

Sew the claspy thing back on, you would assume?! No way, I didn't have time for that... Why mess with the claspy thing when I can just sew the pants together... after all I was wearing a suit jacket, no body would ever be able to see and it would be much faster.

Quick needle and thread job and out the door I went.

At work, two cups of stupid decaf later, I found myself in the bathroom in quite the little pickle...

Trying to wiggle in and out of my sewn up pants all day got me to thinking that I should probably think things through a little better.......

P.S. Also, since I am sure you are dying to know... I managed to make it through an entire home visit in BF's hometown without offending anyone, tripping, accidentally farting, choking on my food, falling down stairs, etc.! It is just a darn good thing I didn't pack my claspy pants.

P.S.S. Yet another letter from the worlds best pen pal (do you think they have a pin that says that?!)!

P.S.S.S. (Man, this is a lot of P.S.in..) IT'S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!! Do you think that when I actually get to 30 I will stop observing the entire month?!

Update

2011-02-25T13:06:00.002-06:00

Remember when I told you about this boy???

Please hold while I gather myself for this never before discussed Charlie Girl topic...

Well, I think its about time that I share with my little bloggity blog an update about him... Because, while over the past couple of weeks it has been too cold to go out at night to blog and I was a totally lazy lifetime watchin' bum last week... there is a bit more to the story as to why my posts have been random and my life seems rather dull.

That boy happened to become my boyfriend! Yup, that's right! Turns out, he doesn't care that my sense of normalcy may not really be what is actually normal... and he doesn't care that when I "make a delicious dinner", I do it with all the wrong tools and it comes from a frozen bag. He even thinks all that stuff is cute!

I know, sometimes it surprises me too!

This weekend we are going back to his hometown, population 4,800 to meet some of the fam.

As you know, with me, this presents of world of opportunity for me to do something incredibly dumb... We'll see if after this weekend I have another update for you about my new boyfriend and I breaking up, because he no longer "thought it was cute"!

Surprise Program

2011-02-17T20:12:00.002-06:00

Last night I was laying in bed flipping through the channels and I stopped to check out what crazy chick flick was on Lifetime Movie Network and much to my surprise, it was show all about weed!

I am not now, nor have I ever been a pothead (focker), but it was so funny that it was on a network that is so... not... cheeba!

That is the other funny thing... they kept referring to it as random street names. They would cut to a Doctor in his lab coat and he would bust out "So, this young man smoked a spliff!"!

I did find out one interesting fact, though... Do you know that in Amsterdam pot is actually not legal?? I am sure everyone has heard about the coffee shops in Amsterdam, where you can purchase whatever your little heart desires... but it is indeed illegal, it has just been decriminalized and tolerated because of money, tourism, etc.

Man... just when I thought I was going to watch the wrath of scorned woman dramatically play out... they go and surprise me with this!

I would like to also point out, (as if I really need to?!) I was watching Lifetime, because my week of unmotivated lamo blamo-ness is not yet over.

Poop In A Group

2011-02-16T18:51:00.003-06:00

I love organization and cleanliness. I am the girl that has a spotlessly clean apartment and car and when I leave work for the day, my desk is the same way... I make a "to do" list at the end of each day to make sure all open items are addressed. I even make little boxes next to each item and get a little thrill each time I check one off as complete.

But, recently, I am a friggin disaster! I was sitting in a meeting today, just thinking to myself that I needed to get my life in order! My apartment, for me, is a total mess. My "to do" list is random scribbles of partial messages and doodles.

The problem is, however, that I can't seem to really get motivated to get myself together! In fact, right after I thought earlier that I needed to get my life in order, I also thought that I should treat myself to a day off!

I had absolutely nothing to do last night... so it was a perfectly good night to clean my apartment from top to bottom, right? Wrongo, instead, I gave myself a pedicure and then went and saw a movie at a great little old school theater in Des Moines. Tonight... once again, absolutely nothing to do... and here I am sitting in Starbucks, sipping delicious decaf passion tea and chattin on my old bloggity blog!

I think maybe it is because I am moving and I am totally over my apartment and its crappy parking... or, maybe it is because I am a total laz-o... who knows?!

Mail Call

2011-02-10T19:32:00.002-06:00

I could not run up the stairs to my apartment fast enough after I checked my mail last night. The second I saw those adorably gigantic letters of my name, scrawled across the entire front of the envelope, I knew it was my new friend Dan!

Seven pages of hand written encouragement!

When I decided to embark on this pen pal relationship, I never knew he would have so much to say! I think I hit the pen pal jackpot!

Don't be jeal!

Monkey Business

2011-02-10T19:13:00.004-06:00

Did you guys see the monkey commercial during the Super Bowl, when they parked too close to the guys car on the way into work??

I thought that was pretty adorable, because I totally love monkeys.... and monkeys dressed in work clothes... are you kidding me?! Love it!

But, today, when I walked outside to go to work to find that apparently that same damn monkey lives in building, I didn't think it was so cute.

In fact, if I didn't have an important meeting to attend (Please read: if it wouldn't make me look like a total nut job) I would have called in so I could wait and to tell that stupid ass how to park! Man, I sure do love to give out parking advice, huh?!

You will be super happy to know, though, that in one month I will no longer have to post about my apartment parking lot! Because... wait for it.... I am moving!!!!! Yahhhooooooo!

I seriously can't wait. The place I am moving into has a two car attached garage and I am pretty sure that I am more excited about that garage than I am about anything else. I am a little bummed that it wasn't this month, because I sure would have loved it when it was -9 the other day...

But, just think how happy I am going to be this summer when my big ol' lion hair doesn't fro on my way to my car!

Hello Monday - You Are Stupid

2011-02-07T14:54:00.003-06:00

Do you think it was a coincidence that while I was purchasing stupid Decaf Coffee at the gas station this Monday morning on my way out of town for a meeting that I spilled it all over the counter. And the worker. And the credit card machine.

I don't... I think it was my body's way of telling me to eff off and give it the real stuff.

Where In The Hell?!?!

2011-02-05T15:28:00.003-06:00

Have I been??? I know... Missing In Action.

Here is the deal. First, I got rid of Internet in my apartment and frankly it is just too cold to leave again after I get cleaned up from the gym!

What, so no bloggity blog till summer, you ask?! Nah... I will man up more frequently and isn't it about time for spring already anyway?!?

January is such a totally dumb month!! Out of all of them, this one I can do without. P.S. I am sorry if this is your birthday month. My beef is with January, not you. K?

Next, is I have recently gone through rehab. Not like checked into Betty Ford Clinic rehab... but the withdrawals I was having at the Charlie Girl Clinic weren't far off...

I didn't need to kick a meth habit and I haven't been doing bumps in the bathroom... I am wholesome girl, for crying out loud. But, as you know, I have practically been taking in coffee like it was being administered through a mainline IV for about 26 years. I am pretty sure I started when I was three or so...

Yesterday marked the end of week two. I don't mean to be dramatic, but I am not kidding, there were some nights that it hurt to lay my head on the pillow and my face hurt, even!

I was trying to kick it cold turkey, but I was a total failure at withdrawal... so I had to allow myself a cup of hot green tea in the mornings. Yesterday, though, my regular tea bags were tossed and replaced with decaf, as was my coffee.

So, anyway. Now that my brain has stopped hating me and finally has seemed to stop hurting and I have a new resolve to sack up, slap on some gloves and head out to blog, maybe I can manage to say hello a little more frequently than once every two weeks.

K, Bye, Miss you!

Pen Pal

2011-01-23T17:14:00.002-06:00

I got home late on Friday night, but checked my mail on my way up to my apartment. I briefly glanced... a newspaper, tax statement, advertisement... nothing good. So, I tossed it on the table on got ready for bed. But, being the obsessive compulsive weirdo that I am, I couldn't leave the mail haphazardly thrown on the table... I had to toss the junk and put the important stuff in it's appropriate place. As I was doing so, a letter fell out of the newspaper... I almost tossed it!

On the envelope, in adorably gigantic letters, that literally took up the entire envelope was my name and address....

In the envelope was my first letter from my new friend Dan!

I could barely contain my excitement as I read through the two pages of preciousness from Dan... telling me about how his dog, Katie, and his cat, Sylvester, just got their rabies and distemper shots at the vet and how his mom made "fantastic raspberry jello" during the holidays!

He finished his letter letting me know that he would really like to hear back from me, but that he would "leave that choice up to me"...

And, do you know what I say to that! Give me a pen and paper, buddy! Emails are so boring, who doesn't like getting a letter in the mail?! I think this little pen pal partnership will be fun!

This is precisely the amount of random, craziness that makes my life so colorful!

Booty Dropper

2011-01-21T08:22:00.002-06:00

Up until yesterday, I seriously thought I was a really good singer. I totally made "Santa Baby" my own when I rocked it out during family Karaoke while I was home for the holidays.

Every day, sometime several times a day, I belt out an amazing tune that I was sure my neighbors appreciated.

Everything changed yesterday though... because until then, I also thought I was a really good dancer, too. I mean, I have some serious moves when I am in front of my mirror at home!

But, I went to Zumba last night and it is very apparent that I have been lying to myself. I will give myself a little credit for being able to improvise. Read: Just start shakin my ass when I can't really do the moves...

It was potentially going to be a rough night for me... coming to this harsh reality that I am not the sexy temptress on the dance floor that I thought I was and recognize a potential lack of talent in my crooning...

But then I decided that wasn't the case at all! Duh, how could I have not recognized that I was just having an off night... It wasn't me, we just had a bad instructor! I felt a cold coming on, so my energy was down?! I was stressed about work and lacking focus?!

Yeah, jeez!

Encouraging Notes

2011-01-17T07:55:00.003-06:00

Last night I took my obligatory trip to Walmart for groceries for the week. While I was shopping I found a cute little breast cancer awareness note pad that was pink leopard skin...

Is it weird that something like a new note pad will make me have a better/more fun day at work?

Well the fact is, something that like would... so I treated myself. Before I put it in my work bag last night I flipped to a random page at the end and wrote myself a little note! How fun will that be to find, like a month or more from now, when I have totally forgotten about it! Working away at my desk only to flip the page and find my Stuart Smalley-esque "you are amazing and doggoneit people like you" note!

Speaking of notes... every Sunday when I go into to church this little man runs behind me, literally pulling on my jacket saying, "Excuse me, Excuse me?!". When I stop he says, "Is your name Lindsey?!", to which I smile and reply, "No, sorry!" and he says, "Oh... Ok..." and then I walk away.

I am not kidding... this same exchange happens every single Sunday!

So. Yesterday, per usual, my coat gets tugged on and I turn to see the man and hear "Excuse me, Excuse me?! Is your name Lindsey?!". This time my response was different. "No, and you ask me that every week... so, what is your name?" He blankly stare and then finally says "Dan."

"Ok, Dan, I am Charlie... now you know my name and I know yours, so we can just say Hi!"

So, church gets out and as I am leaving all the sudden I have a Dan in my face... like, seriously in my grill, I had to lean back, kind of in my face.

He says, "Hi Charlie... You seem like a very positive and kind person, so would it be ok if I sent you an encouraging letter every month or so?!"

Oh, lord.

"Ok, Dan..."

Then Dan says, "Great, what is your address?!" as he shoves a pen and paper into my hand.

So, I did what any independent, smart thinking woman would do....

Wrote it on down! Complete with Apartment number.....

I really hope that in a month or two I am sharing with you the first installment of "Encouraging Letters from Dan" and not telling you about how Dan showed up at 3 AM looking for Lindsey....

A Brief Pause For A Serious Charlie-Girl

2011-01-13T07:57:00.004-06:00

I was watching TV last night and getting so sad! We are a crazy society...

I was flipping through the channels and I came across "I Used To Be Fat" on MTV. I had seen a little bit of it before and it made me really mad, but what I saw of yesterday's episode just made me sad. The mom literally said to the girl that she was too fat and she was a disappointment... The girl was an honor student in her senior year of high school and worked full time in an effort to pay for college. Apparently those things were overlooked?!

I am completely, one hundred percent behind being and eating healthy and working out; I don't think it is OK to sit on your ass the majority of the day while taking in copious amounts of fatty foods. However, I think it is also important to recognize that a person is made up of so much more than what they look like and that God make everyone uniquely beautiful and perfectly flawed. How boring would this world be if we were all Angelina's?!?

I am totally guilty of this myself... getting hung up on certain parts of my body that aren't exactly the way I think they should be or focusing on one flaw that other people wouldn't even notice... instead of giving myself credit for being kind of funny sometimes or being a good worker or being organized and responsible in my life...

I hope that someday if I ever have little baby nuggets that I make sure that they know that they are perfectly, amazingly and uniquely made regardless of any imperfections or shortcomings that our society may make them think they have.

I hope, I hope!

Blabbity Bla On My Bloggity Blog

2011-01-09T14:41:00.003-06:00

1.) Faker Faker Faker! Friday night I was a Drake fan. I typically choose my sport team affiliations based off of the person I am going to the game with or the colors I look better in... But, Drake played the Bradley Braves Friday night and I really did feel bad about not representing my home town. However, I don't have any Bradley gear from when I lived in P Town... So... decision made.

2.) The girls and I went to see Country Strong yesterday... so good! There were even tears shed... not mine of course, but there were. Gwyneth Paltrow was so great in it and she really is an awesome singer. And, I know you know how I feel about country boys... and holy moly... deep voiced manly men in totally unfashionable tight Wrangler jeans have a very special place in my heart. Then, as if we had not had enough crappy/sappy... Lil Bird Breath Pants and I decided to stay in and rent... wait for it... The Last Song with Mylee Cyrus. I suppose it was more entertaining than... I don't know, watching Golf, maybe? But, Hannah Montana needs to stick with singing and taking naughty pics with her dad.

3.) My phone is still having issues. I can get texts, but can only text them to certain people. I think it has something to do with the Server at work (which I kind of don't believe, because why would it work for some people, but not others?!) I have done some troubleshooting of the situation myself, like trying to narrow it down to a specific recipient carrier, but I can't come up with anything. I went to Verizon yesterday and the guy says to me... "Well, are you sure you are dialing the right number?!". I just looked at him, because I wasn't exactly sure what to say to someone that very obviously thought I was a moron.... Then later, he asked if I know a number by heart and I did, so I recited it and he said "Hmmm... yep, you got the number right!". Really?!

4.) Every Sunday while I am getting ready for church I watch old school episodes of 90210 on the Soap Network. Like, back when they were in high school and Brenda was still there. I freaking love it. Well, today, since I went to church last night, I woke up at 8 and got to lay in bed until noon drinking coffee and watching. Ha! Should I be embarrassed to tell you that?!

Sigh Of Relief

2011-01-05T20:56:00.003-06:00

Could you totally tell how optimistic I was on my last bloggity blog?? I was really actually feeling like that too. New year, new beginning... following an already pretty good one.

And, then yesterday, my world nearly stopped.

I don't know if you have ever been around me for more than 27 seconds, but I have an addiction. I know we have discussed my unconditional love for lip gloss and coffee... but in addition to those beautiful things, I heart my Blackberry. It is the old school one, with the roller ball, too. I don't even care! I loved that elderly, beat up piece of shit like it was a child! In fact, it spent far more time with me than I would ever allow a child to.

And yesterday my roller ball just decided it was done rollin. Leaving me to watch that glaring, laughing star indicating I had 3, now 5, now 12 messages... when I went to bed there were 27 messages and each and every one I had to ignore.

Thankfully I was able to pull myself out of bed this morning even though my breath was shallow, and I found it hard to focus, I was able to retrieve the majority of the messages from my work email...

I was mourning my lifeline, my means of communication... but also thinking to myself, "Is this is?? Did I get to January 4th of 2011 and my great year is coming to an end?!". I know you must think I am being dramatic... but think about your child... and then think about that childs lips not being able to work! You know they want to tell you something... that they are hungry or tired or maybe just that they love you.... but instead, they just look at you with desire and longing in their eyes... but nothing falling out of their little nugget mouths.

Well, welcome to my world!!!

But, thanks to a little begging and a bribe of a lunch to my IT guy... by noon my proverbial heart started beating again.

Tonight, I will rest in peace... and maybe text ya in the morning!

Ooooooh, Hello There!

2011-01-03T19:23:00.002-06:00

2011!!!!

Can you flipping believe it?? Seriously? I mean really??? I used to hear old people say how fast time went by and I totally disagreed with them... Time seemed to goooooo sssooooooooooooo slooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwlllllllllly.

But, now, as it turns out, I am one of them! This year was seriously fast and actually pretty good! No major complaints or heartaches or drama. Just a good ol' year.

I really, really hope that 2011 is even better and you wanna know what?! I think it will be!

Do you see all those hot mammas up there?! Those are all of my great girlies. And, one girl I don't really know. But, whatevs... the more the merrier, right?! We were all totally grown up this year and went to a house party. You know, now that I am only like 66 days from being one year away from 30... doing grown up things like that is appropriate.

Yes. I said that. 66 days from being one year away from 30...

So, anyway. Here's to 2011. Here is to being unequivocally happy and laughing so hard our stomachs hurt and really (reaaaaaally) trying to see the best in every situation and being optimistic and trusting the plan that God has for my life and recognizing the blessings in my life and doing my very best to bless others and to being kind to people.

That is what I want to do this year. And, whatever it was that you wanted... I really want that to happen too.

K. Bye!

Family Time

2010-12-24T11:12:00.003-06:00

It's Christmas Eve!! Merry Christmas!

This isn't going to mean as much to you guys, because you probably didn't even know there was a problem... but my big brother made it home! Yay! We thought he was going to be stuck in London, because Heathrow doesn't know how to deal with snow... but this little presh Christmas miracle made it home!

So, we're all home, safe and sound. The snow is falling outside, the tree is all lit, I have yet to start my Christmas Shopping... Things are exactly as they should be.

Being with the family reminds me of all the things I love about them. Like that in the morning, when we are all sitting around the table drinking coffee and talking, my mom can say something that will make me laugh so hard that I spit my coffee across the table. And, that unlike most families that would probably be horrified... mine just points and laughs at me... and then continues with whatever they were talking about.

And, I love that when I am home I get to sleep with my little snuggly spider monkey sister; that crawls into bed and instantly attaches herself to my side. I don't love it when the spider monkey snores in my ear... but certain things can get overlooked, I suppose.

Do you wanna know what is harder to overlook though?! That if you even look in the direction of the bathroom, that instantly three people run towards it, so as not to get the last shower. People have been wounded during this fight. Yesterday I lost...

I guess I can make it through a few cold showers though... because the rest of it is pretty damn good.

Touche

2010-12-18T10:23:00.003-06:00

There are not a lot of things that I can complain about at my apartment complex... it has it's issues, but I love the area, so they are overlooked. Pretty much the only thing that pisses me off is the parking situation. It sucks ass.

If I get home after 7:00 at night, I can forget about parking anywhere close to the door. And, there was this one a-hole that always took up two spaces because he was a moron and couldn't make it between the lines. But, I took the liberty to help him out a bit and thankfully that is almost a non issue!

Well, last night, I got home at about midnight, which of course would mean that I would have to park forever away... but it was way to cold for all of that. So, I parked in the lined spot next to the handicap spot. You know the waste space, that provides extra room? There was no one parked in the handicap spot, so what was the extra room for, right?! And, since I was not actually parked in the handicap spot, I couldn't get a ticket, right?!

Well, I may not be able to get a ticket, but, turns out, I am now the recipient of my own little helpful hint letter!

This is what it says:

MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE TO PARK!

You neglected to read the signs and parked in the wrong category. Everybody has to live in this world, not just you. Exercise some consideration when you leave your large hunk of metal in this public space!

I TOTALLY LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To which I respond...

Dear Letter Leaver:

While I am not sure I share your passion for making the world a "better place to park", you are right and I shouldn't have parked where I parked. In my defense, there actually wasn't a sign for that particular "category" as you refer to it.

You are also right that I am not the only one in this world and I should be more considerate. Have you been talking to my friend Rynoplasty? He always tells me the same thing... but it's usually not because I parked in the wrong category... he must also not share you passion for the betterment of world parking.

Anyway. The point is, I am sorry and unless it is like seriously, seriously cold out, I won't park in the waste space.

I do have just one request for you though... that large hunk of metal has a name. It's Camry. Show some respect.

Yours Truly - Charlie Girl!

Christmas Business

2010-12-16T12:34:00.003-06:00

In my family we know that the true meaning of Christmas is Jesus' Birthday. We even bake a special little birthday cake for the precious little baby in swaddling clothes...

But, when it comes to presents, we don't eff around.

By way of example, I will share a little email exchange amongst my family members.

Original email from my brother:

I know we're all very busy persons who could use a bit of suggestive inspiration to further accentuate our holiday shopping. As such, I propose that we follow a form similar to yuletides of yorn and compose a collective, though perhaps not comprehensive, wish list for "Santa's" consideration.

I'm sure we'd all completely appreciate our stockings being chocked full of lottery tickets and beef jerky again this year, but in case you crave variety, here's a chance to solicit something different.

Here's my list of hopeful items to find stashed under the tree...

Apple Magic Trackpad, Apple Wireless Keyboard, Microsoft Arc Touch Mouse, some AA batteries, double knot silver cufflinks, ties and, of course, aged single malt whiskey.

I've even included pics of the trackpad, keyboard, arctouch mouse and cufflinks. Charlie, if you've already ordered that Russian bride for me, you might as well not send her back.

Now, let's hear all of yours.

My response to the family:

Thank you for that list, brother. The Russian has been ordered, so I guess that gets me out of buying you the batteries.

Needs: Work clothes, a really good pair of jeans, black pointy toed heels. Please do not buy any of these items without me though, because it is imperative that I am there and authorize the item being purchased. I plan on being home on Thursday the 23rd, but would be happy to go shopping with any of your on the Sunday following Christmas to save you some money *read: allow you to buy me more things for the original amount of money that you intended to spend*.

Wants: A new purse, any type of body spray/lotion/perfume (please get matching sets of the same flavor and perfume purchases need to be accompanied by the lotions or they will be rendered useless), lip gloss (any flavor, but grapefruit... it reminds me of cat piss).

Well, alrighty then... that should do it for me.

The others have yet to respond... they will though, don't you worry. This is serious.

That Is How To Wrangle 'Em In.......

2010-12-15T19:13:00.002-06:00

The other evening I invited a Gentleman over for dinner and a movie; I decided to make him a Chinese feast. Some girls, far more impressive than me, would have sliced and diced veggies and made homemade egg rolls... and for the record, I do know how to do all of those things... and I had good intentions, but I just couldn't fit it in. So instead, PF Chang and I created a skillet dinner for two out of a bag. Furthermore, my rice was microwaved and the egg rolls were popped into the oven about 10 minutes before he arrived... One Miller Light tall boy and a whole bunch of 10 minute, frozen food later... dinner was served.

I would also like to make a special note that while the skillet dinner was a great idea, in my opinion, I should potentially get a lid for said cooking utensil should I opt to go the bag route again...

Luckily, that portion of the food preparation was finished before he got there.

Either he is one hell of an actor or he actually seemed to enjoy the dinner... and even invited me out to meet him and his friend for a drink last night after my flight got in.

Pause: I typically don't drink during the week, but. This was a special situation... I had spent about 20 hours in airports in 48 hours and after 6 ridiculous flights, when I finally landed in Des Moines... my luggage was in Denver. So. With that, bottoms up.

Unpause: So, he and his friend are sitting in a booth and as I join them, my coat must have caught the table cloth. As I scooted... so did the place settings and their drinks, etc. This poor guy invites me to meet his best friend and I take the whole damn table out!

After the world class dinner I prepared and taking out the table, if I would have laughed really hard and accidental farted, I feel like it would have just been par for the course.

If those aren't some sure fire ways to impress a guy... I don't know what the hell is.

As It Turns Out

2010-12-13T09:38:00.003-06:00

I am not quite ready to not laugh at people when they fall on their ass in the snow. I know I said I would work on it, but, just not yet...

Instead, I am still focusing on making the best of the winter season and not complaining... And, really, how can I complain when I remembered that because of the snow, I get to bust out my very favorite winter boots!!!!!!

Oooooh yeah, deaaad sexy!

OK, these aren't actually my fav winter boots, they are replacements of lasts years lighter brown version. But, I wore those boots to a farm and stepped in cow shit... so they were not allowed back in my apartment.

Anyway, these cheapo ugmo boots are so great and I especially like to wear them like the picture indicates... sans pants, only inside of course... like when I am cleaning.

Such a hot freakin look, I know.

A Little Of This And A Little Of That

2010-12-11T09:37:00.004-06:00

Check this little precious nugget out. Meet Olivia!

Ms. Olivia is my friends little babycakes and guess what?!?! Tonight, I get to keep her while her mamma and dad go to Mary Poppins! I am totally jealo that I don't get to go to Mary Poppins because I totally want to see that show.... but, a cozy night in with this chick!? I am so excited!

In other news... it finally happened. Today, for the first time this winter season, I had to scrape my car. I am really trying hard not to be a complainer, because it is the middle of December... but I haaaaaaaaaaate snow and I hate driving in it and I hate scraping it off my car and I hate it when the bottom of my too long jeans get wet and then it makes my legs cold.

Ok, I will go back to trying not to complain. In fact, I will think of good snow memories... like last year, when I got to see my stupid, jerk neighbor fall on his ass when he was walking to his car.

Today I work on trying not to complain, tomorrow, I work on trying to be nice and not laughing at people when they fall on their asses. I am a work in progress!

That's Just Not Me?!

2010-12-09T21:01:00.004-06:00

You know how some girls are super creative and always seem to have things in order?! Like the girls that always give the perfect gift and bake for people just because and are always super thoughtful about stuff...

Well..... that is just not me!

I try really hard to get things in order at night so my morning goes smoothly, but inevitably it is necessary for me to drop the F Bomb at least twice before leaving my house. And, because of my lotion/spray habit, I generally have an unopened bottle of something I can throw in a bag on my way to a birthday party... But, I wouldn't exactly call that creative gift giving... and I never bake for anybody. In fact, if I do have cookie dough at my house, it is not going in the oven...

But even I knew I hit rock bottom today when I suggested to one baby maker in my office to just give one of the gifts she got at her baby shower today to another baby maker in our office at her shower... And it didn't immediately hit me that that probably wasn't a great idea.

Weekend Randoms

2010-11-21T16:42:00.004-06:00

I am doing this current bloggity blog post under pretty interesting circumstances... I came to my fav little coffee joint and it was crazy packed. I wanted to get a table so I could post, but they were all taken. So, I just stopped by a table with an extra chair and asked if I could join! I told them I would be super quiet, and let them know they wouldn't even know I was here. They obliged. So, here I am at a table with people I don't know and unbeknownst to them, they are the feature of my bloggity blog! Isn't that funny... and a little creepy?!

You can say that I am a lot of things... shy, would not be one of them!

Anyway...

Friday night my great friends and I decided to stay in and just hang out. We ordered a pizza, had great conversation and then..... wait for it..... Played old school NINTENDO!!!!

I am talking Super Mario Bros., Zelda and Track and Feild old school Nintendo!

Remind me to tell you when I see you in person, my "Mario" joke. It is hilarious, but only works if we are actually using our voices (you know, how people used to communicate) and not text/email/blog communicating...

Also, I met my Soul Mate this weekend. His name is, well, he actually didn't have a name, but I thought he definitely looked like a Roger.

I know I promised my parents that I would not get another dog... and I won't. Because even though I felt my broken lover starting to mend when I looked into his big brown eyes, I also saw trips outside at 4 AM in the cold and rain, so he could go potty... and I saw vet bills... and I saw poop on my carpet... But, man, it was hard to see past our connection to those negative things.

If there was ever a boy, dog version of me... it would be Roger... minus the lisp of course, because I also felt like Roger would have one.

Can Someone Get The Phone???

2010-11-19T16:15:00.002-06:00

Oh... These darn Duggers.

Sometimes I watch this show and my tubes tie themselves. Other times, I am impressed by the fact that they have like 93 kids, they all take care of each other and the parents have managed to stay debt free by making them do manual labor, like build their house.

It is fascinating, really.

Other times, I just get curious. Which is why, when perusing their website and seeing a phone number, I gave 'em a call!

Yep. I did that. I think I was most curious to see what little Dugger I would get!

Turns out, it was a valid number, but I only got Papa Jim Bob's voicemail.

Like eight million people call into vote for their favorite dancing star... nope, not me. Someone who will call in to vote on a tv show is soooo lame... but those darn Duggers... I just couldn't resist!

A Bit Much

2010-11-17T20:36:00.002-06:00

Typically (and by typically, I mean 99.9999% of the time) I will not be discussing my lady parts with you.

But, since this technically doesn't have to do with my lady parts and it was funny, I will share.

I am adult and all women do it, so I am comfortable with telling you that recently I visiting my doctor for my "annual womanly physical".

Turns out that I am not comfortable at all with telling you that and my face is for reals red right now!

Anyway... So, I walk in and they have plasma TV's all over the place talking about all kinds of great *read: kind of gross* women products. As I was diligently filling out my paperwork and trying to avoid eye contact with... well, everyone... I see a guy on the TV that I work out with almost every day.

As it turns out, he is a lady doc! I would have never pegged him as such either... He looks way more retail at Bed, Bath and Beyond than doctor... but, I guess it just goes to show you that you really can't judge a book by it's cover.

So for some reason, today, I decided to tell the doc that I saw him on TV at the office.

The exchange went like this:

CG: Hey, I have to tell you... I saw you on the TV when I was waiting my appointment last week!

*I still can't exactly remember why I felt the need to do this...*

Doc: Oh, yeah! I am an OB/GYN... There are a lot of ladies here that come in to me.

CG: I just decide staring blankly is best at this point... because all I can think about is the reality of just how much of so many of us (us not meaning me) this guy has seen and I am wishing so much I can take back my initial comment...

Doc: Oh, they all look the same though... you know, it is just my 8 to 5.

Maybe I am not mature enough for that whole exchange, because I really just wanted to respond with "Groooooossssssssssss!" before running away.

Shaka Dat Ass

2010-11-11T19:43:00.003-06:00

I used to travel a lot when I worked at the software company and when I wasn't staying in Convents and on pig farms in order to pocket my per diems, I became very good at entertaining myself in hotels rooms.

I used to spend, literally, hours giving myself world class pedicures and meticulously cleaning and organizing my make up cases.

Can you imagine my surprise last night when, during a "what can I do to entertain myself" brainstorming session, I happened upon free fitness dance videos on TV?

Right after I made for sure, for sure, that my order was not going to result in a trick porn video charge on my hotel bill... I seriously shook my ass to "Bollywood Boogie"!!

I was so excited.

When the precious Bollywood girl said "You got it girls, you are dancing"! I excitedly shouted back, "Damn right I am!!!".

I got to dance my ass off, got a good little work out in, killed about an hour and I didn't even have a bar bill!

Really Waukee, Iowa?

2010-11-09T19:20:00.001-06:00

I feel like this is a trick.....

A Letter to Llama

2010-11-04T12:20:00.002-05:00

Dear Mamma -

I feel like you dropped the ball a little bit during my gestation period. I mean, I know it was nearly thirty years ago, but recently things have been brought to light that need to be addressed.

We have already talked about the Folic Acid situation and how you could have kicked it up a notch there, so I won't beat a dead horse... but one of the bazillion preggers girls in my office recently mentioned that she eats healthy because the baby can taste and develop food preferences based off of what the mother eats.

Um... did they have Charleston Chews back in the early eighties?? Were you taking in copious amounts of Starbucks' Carmel Macchiato? I feel like I would prefer eating my lunchtime carrots over gummy bears if you would have paid better attention to what you were putting in your pie hole!

I love you. I really do. Which is why I will look past the initial nine months we spent together and know that since that time you have showed marked improvement. But, thank goodness you did.